For the longest time, I thought A Taste of Rainbow would be published earliest by 2011. With the excruciating process of recovery, I never dared to ask God for an earlier timeline. So it took me by surprise when my publisher said he was "ready anytime", and when all the sponsors said they were ready whenever I was ready, too. It surprised me that my loved ones were supportive, and no longer felt I had to wait till I graduated from medical school. It surprised me that my friends were so encouraging, too.
When I first heard the news, I was... shocked. It's only 2010, God. You're... too early. Am I ready to share my Story? Will I relapse? Can I wait till 2011? I'm scared, God. What if I relapse again? Then what?
Today, my dear friend J encouraged me to ramp up my training intensity for the upcoming triathlon. "Try 12 kmph on the treadmill. It'll be good for you."
12kmph? I'd hardly gone beyond 10kmph without feeling breathless and nauseated. I had never even considered that speed possible for someone like myself.
But when I did, all of a sudden, something organic happened. All at once, as I felt the blood course through my veins and my legs carry me, faster and faster, with my heart pounding and I running as though I would never stop, it suddenly struck me- that God had healed me. And I completed the 8,10, 12kmph interval cycle with joyful ease. Nothing hurt.
Two years ago, running even at a speed of 8.5kmph hurt my bones, my chest and my knees. Everything hurt, even when I wasn't fast. Now, I felt like a stallion, running free in the fields, painlessly, decadently. It felt so free.
It was then that I realised, that no one can guarantee my complete recovery. Statistics can give us numbers, but no one can promise a relapse-free future. Be it 2010 or 2011, only a blind faith in God's restorative power can give us strength and courage to live, day by day.
It was then that I remembered the rainbow, all the rainbow items my friends had put together for me for my 23rd birthday, the words of encouragement and another emaciated, ghostly figure I saw at the eating disorders unit at the hospital just two days back and decided... that it's time.
It's time for me to polish up A Taste of Rainbow and pass it to my publisher.
It's time for me to have faith, not only in myself, but in God, to know that He has healed me, once and for all. And that even though I'm a little scared to have A Taste of Rainbow published (Will people judge me?), God will watch over and guard me.
When I first heard the news, I was... shocked. It's only 2010, God. You're... too early. Am I ready to share my Story? Will I relapse? Can I wait till 2011? I'm scared, God. What if I relapse again? Then what?
Today, my dear friend J encouraged me to ramp up my training intensity for the upcoming triathlon. "Try 12 kmph on the treadmill. It'll be good for you."
12kmph? I'd hardly gone beyond 10kmph without feeling breathless and nauseated. I had never even considered that speed possible for someone like myself.
But when I did, all of a sudden, something organic happened. All at once, as I felt the blood course through my veins and my legs carry me, faster and faster, with my heart pounding and I running as though I would never stop, it suddenly struck me- that God had healed me. And I completed the 8,10, 12kmph interval cycle with joyful ease. Nothing hurt.
Two years ago, running even at a speed of 8.5kmph hurt my bones, my chest and my knees. Everything hurt, even when I wasn't fast. Now, I felt like a stallion, running free in the fields, painlessly, decadently. It felt so free.
It was then that I realised, that no one can guarantee my complete recovery. Statistics can give us numbers, but no one can promise a relapse-free future. Be it 2010 or 2011, only a blind faith in God's restorative power can give us strength and courage to live, day by day.
It was then that I remembered the rainbow, all the rainbow items my friends had put together for me for my 23rd birthday, the words of encouragement and another emaciated, ghostly figure I saw at the eating disorders unit at the hospital just two days back and decided... that it's time.
It's time for me to polish up A Taste of Rainbow and pass it to my publisher.
It's time for me to have faith, not only in myself, but in God, to know that He has healed me, once and for all. And that even though I'm a little scared to have A Taste of Rainbow published (Will people judge me?), God will watch over and guard me.
It's time for me to stop wondering when the next time relapse might be, and to start thinking about how I can use my Story to help someone else who needs to find his or her mouth too.
Thank you for your birthday gifts, for reminding me what rainbows mean- God's faithfulness to keep His promises.
some of my favourite gifts from my dearest friends
It's time.
Just need a few days to finalise the last pages.
"I set My rainbow in the cloud,
and it shall be for the sign of the covenant (promise)
between Me and the earth.
It shall be, when I bring a cloud over the earth,
that the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud;
and I will remember My covenant (promise)...
the waters shall never again
become a flood to destroy all flesh."
-Genesis 9:13-15
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