"Na zhong chang mian wo mei you kan guo." It means, never before have I seen an occasion like that in my life. I was really happy.
Grandpa Zhou said he was really happy that day, just singing and laughing with everybody. Friends, you really made his day, did you know that? Now, that memory will forever be inscribed in his heart, will forever fill what once used to be a void in a dark, angry place.
Something of eternal value bloomed in his heart that night.
"Okay, but tell me, Grandpa Zhou, what was the most memorable part about that occasion for you? What was the greatest lesson you learnt?"
"Oh I was so happy! Everyone was singing with me! And clapping! Oh I had so much fun! All your friends.... they were calling me Grandpa Zhou (Zhou yeye)! Grandpa! (Yeye!)"
He went on. He couldn't stop telling me about the many people he met, about what he thought about my friends, what he thought about my new bike, and about the sharing I gave...
"... okay Grandpa Zhou, but tell me, what is the GREATEST lesson you learnt that day? Ni you mei you ke fu? Did you overcome?"
He paused, had that frozen, blinking look in his face, before saying, " Yes, I overcame my fears. I no longer feel inferior anymore. Shang di de yan guang gen ren de yan guang shi bu yi yang de! The way God sees us is vastly different from the way people see us, and only God's eyes matter! I had a lot of fun that night..."
"Did you feel anyone was looking down on you?"
He laughed out loud. It sounded like a chuckle. "Ha, no! In fact, I was having so much fun it didn't matter! I didn't even care!"
"Wow, what a breakthrough, Grandpa Zhou. Do you know, that overcoming one's fears is one of the most beautiful things in the world? Did you feel free?"
"Yes."
"Liberated? As if you didn't have a worry in the world?"
"Yea! God's opinion of us are more important than that of the world's!"
Wow, what a breakthrough. What a breakthrough from the time he used to put himself down, and made me cry.
I asked him if he had had dinner, and just as we were talking, a tubby-looking, pot-bellied, balding man with a plastic bag slung across his right shoulder (pardon my unforgiving description, I'm sure you sense my great affection for him) stood right there in front of the two of us who were seated at the steps of the train station and just stared. He just stopped right there, frowned and looked us up and down. He looked me up and down, me in my college shorts and bright red tee which said "God is GOOD all the time."
There was a look of utter derision and scorn in his face as his eyes stripped me, up and down. Who did he think he was?
Suddenly, I understood what Grandpa Zhou meant- what it meant to feel despised and trodden upon. What it meant to kan ren jia de yan guang. It means, to be looked down upon.
The pregnant man walked across the road and I said to Grandpa Zhou, "Did you see the way he was looking at us?"
"Of course," and he laughed, "... there're people like that all around. What do you think I meant when I told you people look down on me? You, a young girl sitting on the dirty steps on a train station talking to a man like me, why wouldn't he stop and stare?"
I was appalled. "Don't you ever let anyone ever look you up and down like that," I said. "The next time anyone does this to us again, I'm going to stand up and ask him what his problem is. Humph. In fact, I'm going to ask him what his problem is right now.."
Bald, pregnant Mr. look-you-up-and-down was walking across the road by then. I was about to get up and go after him (because I am crazy like that sometimes) when Grandpa Zhou said in a gentle, humble way, "I just told you, what matters is how God looks at us. Who cares what people think? You know what's amazing? The more we are despised and the more down-trodden we are, the more precious we are in God's sight. "
Say that again? Suddenly, I smiled. I was beaming. All these months I had coaxed, chided, lectured him on overcoming his inferiority complex to no avail and suddenly when I felt that someone had given me an undeserving scornful look, he had the grace, wisdom and strength to tell me that it didn't matter because God loved us, and we found favour in His eyes. And that was all that mattered.
24th of February. When everyone was singing and clapping to his tunes. When all of you welcomed him and called him "Grandpa Zhou". When you accorded him dignity and respect. That's what you guys did for him- you gave him a breakthrough. You made him so happy.
It was at that moment I learnt a very important and timely lesson. Today, I met up with Miss B because we needed to talk about A Taste of Rainbow, about whether I was ready for media publicity and public exposure about my Story. She asked, "Are you comfortable with your publisher printing it now?"
"Yes," I said. "It's a good time. I'm ready for it to go to print."
"Are you comfortable with all your friends, family and relatives knowing how, why you wrote this book?"
I didn't answer this question as readily.
"With support, yes. In God's time, yes. I guess some people will judge me. Some people will look at me differently, won't they?"
"Yea, that's reality."
Today I learnt that there are all sorts of people in this world. I told Grandpa Zhou that my second book would be coming out, and there would be people who would affirm me, and others who might scorn me. "Don't think only 'people like you' get despised, Grandpa Zhou. We all do. And when my next book comes out, I'll have to prepare myself for people looking at me differently, too."
What Grandpa Zhou said suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks- "It doesn't matter how people look at you. What matters is how God looks at you." It doesn't even matter if people stop and stare, or look you up and down, because at the end of the day, it's about who you are in God's eyes, and what you do that pleases Him.
As we talked, a malay man came by, smiled, shook Grandpa Zhou's hand before giving him two dollars. A bald caucasion man stopped in his tracks, watched us, smiled, then fished out a ten-dollar bill for Grandpa Zhou before making his way home.
I learnt, that the world isn't fair but God is just. Though there might be evil in this world, He also sends angels to affirm, protect and strengthen us.
"Thanks Grandpa Zhou. I really learnt a lot from you today. I'll remember that when my second book comes out. I'll read it to you, okay? And I'll translate it in mandarin for you."
I was about to leave before I remembered to ask about his next hospital appointment. "Ah, a stranger reading my blog wants to help you with your medical fees." This beautiful stranger had donated almost 400 dollars. He's about my age.
"Oh really? You mean D? The boy at your party?"
"No, someone else. Another kind soul."
Randomly, he asked, "I've a question, Wai Jia. What does Hallelujah mean?"
"It means praise God, Grandpa Zhou. You say it when you're happy."
Like now. Hallelujah. Because it doesn't matter how other people look at us, as long as we look mighty fine in God's eyes.
*Wai Jia wants to thank each of you who made Grandpa Zhou feel so welcomed at her place that night. You gave him the biggest breakthrough in his life, and the most precious of gifts- dignity and strength. He can laugh at the days to come. Thank you for your donations to his medical bills. They are much appreciated.
"God is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
-Psalm 34:18
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