The One.

I knew he was the one when I first saw him.


He looked humble, steady, reliable- the kind that would soothe my anxieties, the mature, strong type. He wasn't conventionally attractive really, but that was never one of my criteria anyway. It's funny- how I used to be so afraid, but when I let myself be vulnerable, he proved himself faithful and true, and never let me down. For all his taste for adventure and need for speed, I feel safe with him, vulnerable and yet protected. He brings me back to my childhood, and with him, I never need to be that strong, competitive woman I sometimes have to be at the hospital in front of demanding consultants. I can just be me, big-haired, girlish laughter and all. Most of all, I like the way he shows me the truth about life, teaching me lessons gently and lovingly, without a hint of preachiness. I don't know what made me take him in but something inside tells me we're in it for the long haul.

We connected immediately. As stupid as it sounds, it was love at first sight. Things just felt right, and more importantly, my parents were comfortable with him. They thought I got a really good catch, too.

I know I've said before that I don't date- and I still maintain that I won't, till I graduate. But he's an exception-


- His name is Bike (pronounced as buy-kee), and he is my bicycle.


It's funny how much he teaches me- about trust, confidence and letting go, and perhaps that is why I'm so grateful for our friendship. He was teaching me how to ride straight, and I learnt how it is only when we're brave enough to set our sights far and take our eyes off the anxieties of the present that we can ever make progress; He was teaching me how to make U-turns, and I learnt how it is only when you keep your eyes on a target point that you can be confident of succeeding; He was teaching me how to ride down slopes, and I learnt that letting go, just letting go, can be a lot of fun sometimes. And when you focus on where you don't want to go, more often than not, you end up landing just there.

So at the crack of dawn one morning, both of us sneaked out on a secret rendezvous and decided to go on a romantic getaway to the airport. My desperate reclamation of my bike-less childhood turned me into Forest Gump on steroids on a biketrail and I went on forever, taking in the gorgeous scenery of the deep parts of the beach I had never before explored because it was too far for my legs to take me. We went on, faster and faster, and I was speechless, enthralled, captivated in awe, as he took me to places I'd never been before. I was a princess on a magic carpet, and Bike was my Aladdin.

To the airport! As we got closer, the scenery became more beautiful, more surreal, as fields of lallang, wild flowers and vines came into view. Aeroplanes took off one by one, and we raced ahead, giddy with excitement and anticipation.

We had reached the remote part of the beach when suddenly, a bare-chested, tanned, middle-aged man with an i-pod in his ears skating at top speed tripped over, skidded across the road and smashed into the ground just inches by me. The impact was big, and he suffered greatly. Grimacing and groaning in agony, he tried to get up, only to be slammed back to the ground by an invisible force called Pain. He was in excruciating torment.

The shock of it all should have thrown me off my own bike but Bike was steady. It was a remote part of the beach, faraway from help. Oh dear, I don't have much time left- we're not going to make it to the airport if I stop, I thought.

But Bike reminded me of one of my favourite stories in the bible about the good Samaritan who stopped to help someone in need- who not only stopped, but gave deep, genuine help. And so we stopped, too. Many other passers-by did, but only for a moment, before they continued on their way.


But Bike had more to teach me.



When we make plans, can we sometimes be so focused on the end-point that reaching the end seems to over-ride everything else? Why is it that when the unexpected happens, it is often unwelcomed? Are the little unpredictable events interruptions, or moments of divine instruction?

And as I stopped, Bike taught me that sometimes, interruptions can be good things, too. And their ability to make us appreciate the process more than the destination make them all the more precious. They teach us more about flexibility, trusting in God's plans for us and accepting His goodness.


His name was King. What a beautiful reminder, I thought, as it reminded me to treat every person as I would God, our King. And if our King did decide to go for a spin and injured himself, surely I would stop for Him too and not find it a nuisance to stop for Him?



So every time I go for a ride, I find myself letting go more, learning more, setting my sights on where I want to go and finding the confidence to go there, and yet, allowing room for Life to happen, for God to intervene, make choices for me. Sometimes, there's just no point in planning too far ahead.

And so I rest in today, more and more, worrying less and less about the future. I find myself more secure, more at ease with myself, with singleness, with my where I am, with who I am inside.


Life is just a moment at a time, learning a lesson at a time, basking in God's grace for us for the moment.


I love my bike.

Tho’ I may see but one step at a time,

As up the pathway to glory I climb,

Yet I believe in the promise divine,

His grace is sufficient for me.


When I shall stand face to face with my King,

Still to the word of His promise I’ll cling,

And with the ransomed forever I’ll sing—

His grace is sufficient for me.

- Charles H Gabriel

(2 Corinthians 12:9)

Arms of an Angel.

I wanted to chicken out. All this time I had the assurance of God being with me and at the final moment, I just wanted... out.

It was the night before my race, and the night our medicine clinical exams ended. And though having the nerve-wracking exams over gave me a sigh of relief, adrenalin flowed through my veins like caffeine and gave me no rest. It was 2am, I had already had many late nights studying in the week, the stress had resulted in my worsening chronic diarrhoea (a completely benign condition called irritable bowel syndrom) and I knew I wasn't going to make the timing I had planned for the race I had trained for.

The race meant a lot to me. I had been looking forward to it for months. It was the first 10-kilometre race I had trained for with a healthy mind and body ever since Recovery- during which, at the initial phase, training was out of the question. It was significant because it meant that running no longer had an evil stronghold over me. It meant that Ed had lost his power over me.

All this while, I felt God with me, and His approval for my returning to something I loved, without the taint of sickness or idolatry. I had eaten and trained well. And being able to finally hear my own voice without doubting myself, make my own sensible choices about running and eating, without the echoes of Ed, was a real breakthrough.

But it was 2am, my mind was rushing with thoughts and anxieties and for the first time, I realised that hardly anyone had wished me the best for this significant milestone in my life. We had just had the exams and everybody was swamped with activities. So, exhausted, anxious and discouraged, I didn't trust enough that God would help me to overcome this hurdle-the little girl inside of me desperately needed encouragement and affirmation, but there was surprisingly none- I had kept a low profile about training this year. Oh God, I'm just not going to make it.

The more I mulled over my distrust in His healing for me and my fears, the more awake I was. And then these words from my tattered bible leapt to me, "Those that wait upon God shall renew their strength. They shall run and not be weak, they shall walk and not be weary."

I had given myself a million excuses to forgo the run, but had forgotten that my strength and motivation this time came not primarily from my sleep, egotistical self-affirmation or needy affirmation from others- it was from God, and He wanted me to know it. Trust me, I heard Him say, just like you always have- every time.

And I fell asleep.

My legs were like lead the next morning. I checked my phone the last time and saw no text message of encouragement. Disappointment and discouragement weighed on my ankles like dead weights. But I remembered the words which lulled me to bed, and put on my running shoes. Trust me, I want you to learn that I am enough for you.

As soon as we started I wanted to turn back, wanted to fall out of the many thousand-fold pack and head home. But I saw a young girl who had given up by the wayside and ran up to encourage her- " Hey, press on- you can do it." I smiled encouragingly, and pushed ahead.

We had barely hit the halfway mark when fatigue crept in. The many stressful late nights spent learning about Parkinson's, heart attacks and neurological disorders had taken its toll. I wanted to stop, but the same young girl caught up with me and said, "Can I run with you?"

Though she had hit a rough patch far earlier in the race, she recovered well while I struggled more and more. But every time I did, she cheered me on and in the final lap when I told her to go ahead, she waited for me, as if in thanks for my initial gesture of grace to her.

We ran, and I found strength encouraging others along the way.

When I was anorexic, running miles on empty was nothing to me, as empty pride, depression and puffed-up idolatry was fuel. At no point did I ever admit defeat. It was a powerful driving force, one that led to my demise. But well and healthy now, my acute awareness of my weaknesses, of my dependence on God have changed my perspective. Understanding the meaningless-ness of running without God gave me life again. (His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man- Psalm 147:10) And paradoxically, that is what changed my life for the better, what resurrected me. At my 6th, 7th and 8th kilometre, when I felt like giving up, it was God, sent through a running angel by my side, and not Ed who encouraged me on. And when I recognised that, I wanted to cry.

She ran together with me to the finish line and her first question to me was if I believed in God, too. Born in China, she grew up in the middle east as a nominal moslem and found Christ only in Singapore. Immediately, tears ran down my cheeks. I also realised, that my timing was far from what I had aimed for, but suddenly, it didn't matter. I trusted, He came through for me- and that was the prize in itself.

Sometimes, challenges in life can make us doubt ourselves. We make up excuses to avoid them because we fear to miss the mark we set for ourselves, based on our own pride and ego. We fear, because we do not trust.

I cried, because He came through for me. At every step of the way, I was vulnerable and weak- I could stop at any time. But I finished the race, He was with me through it all, and Ed was nowhere to be found.

So I cried, in the arms of an angel, because He told me to trust, I did- and as usual, He came through for me.

"Yet those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.

They shall mount up with wings as eagles.

They shall run and not be weary,

they shall walk and not be weak."

- Isaiah 40:31

Bread that Satisfies.

I've found food which satisfies, and I'm not afraid to eat it.

"The human heart remaines a ceaseless factory of desires. Sin remains powerfully and suicidally appealing.

The battle remains: Where will we drink? Where will we feast?

On God. Feast on God."

-Desiring God

by John Piper

Raindrops.

Ever so often when I'm walking along the streets, I find my eyes drawn to the canopy of sky above me, watching the clouds and trees above me. For all our talk about how God cannot be seen or heard or felt, I stand in awe and wonder at the beauty of creation, and wonder why we even have doubts in the first place.

God is no where to be found, and yet everywhere if we choose to find Him.


Tears welled up in my eyes, and I couldn't even quite explain why. I was just walking through the little corner bookshop my church runs, leafing through books and looking at pretty ornaments for sale when it caught my eye.

It was nothing much, really. But it stopped me dead in my tracks and in that one moment, I felt a thousand dreamed-up Dreams well up within me and felt the swell of yesterday, today and the rest of eternity build up behind my eyes.

It was nothing much, really- just a bible holder hanging off a rack for little kids, the kind which looks like a mini-briefcase so kids don't drop or lose their bibles everywhere and spill an assortment of interesting spreads on them. The handle was a belt of rainbow, and on the cover, was a black-and-white cartoon picture of Noah's ark and an empty coloured rainbow behind it. The little briefcase was packaged with markers, assumedly used to colour in the black-and-white picture on it- though why anyone would trust six year-olds with markers to colour within the lines of a picture on an expensive, brand-new bible holder I will never know, heh.

It was nothing much- just a simple picture of an old stereotypical bearded man with a staff, and smiley-looking zoo animals which all looked like they were posing for a tooth-whitening ad squashed together on a wooden boat which never would have held the weight of half the hippotamus on board it, in front of a rainbow with an arc which would put a compass to shame. It reminded me of the mural I drew and my team painted on the classroom wall of a Cambodian kindergarden 3 years back-that depicting Noah's Ark. And right across the rainbow were the words "God keeps His promises."


Perhaps it's because of that one incident which explains why I will never look at another rainbow the same way again. Perhaps it's because of how and when it happened which explains why it spoke and still speaks so much to me. Perhaps it's what the rainbow signifies in God's Story that stirs up so much within me.


And so today, I just... felt like crying. Because I just realised- that in spite of all I've lost, through depression, anorexia and recovery, I've gained so much more. That amidst the humiliation, I gained humility, and amidst the pain, I gained faith. And in all those times where I wondered where in the world God was, He showed Himself to be everywhere- in people, in situations, in gifts and today, in my healing, in my growing, in my becoming a different person- one I never imagined.

In that moment when I held that kid's bible cover in my hands, I thought about person I have become, so different from that 3 years ago, eight months ago, and even... two months ago. Just different, in thought and attitude, and I'm so thankful. I came to a point where God forced me to let go of everything I ever put my trust in, and in return, as I put more of my trust in Him and less in myself, I gained so much more, grew so much more.

I will never look at a rainbow the same way again. I will never think of one without tears forming in the depths of my heart. And though not everything I had prayed for has come to pass, enough in this time, God's time, has, and because of that, I can look forward to tomorrow.


I often ponder- if water droplets, evaporated from the rain, are everywhere around us, and rainbows are the result of light, split into seven colours from shining at the right refractory angle through rain droplets , then perhaps, illusionary rainbows really are all around us- but it takes the right moment for us to see them, to see God's Promises for us.


Eight months ago I could hardly imagine a way out of the darkness, and just four months back, each day still carried its struggles of its own. But everyday, I am learning, gaining and growing, and today, I find myself free-er than yesterday, more grown-up than yesterday and more secure, more of a Woman, less of a big kid. Because of God and His promise to us, yesterday is different from today, which will be different from tomorrow, too.


Because of God's Promise to me, to us, I can look forward to tomorrow and sing.


Tomorrow, it may rain again, but after the rain has drenched our clothes and washed away our tears, does it surprise us to find ourselves right there standing in the sunshine, waiting with certainty for something so ephereal, transient and illusionary which paradoxically and beautifully represents something as sure and eternal as a Promise?


We've all come a long way from yesterday. And because of God's love for us and His faithfulness to keep His promises, we can look forward to tomorrow, and tomorrow's tomorrow. Looking back on our situations, perhaps it isn't easy to see God anywhere in them- in the storm, where can my rainbow possibly be?


But we forget, that like rain droplets, God is no where to be seen, and yet, like illusionary rainbows, is everywhere if we choose to find Him. Two thousand years ago, when God walked on earth and spent time with His children, even His disciple, Philip, who was with Him everyday, asked the question- Show us God. Where is He?



Perhaps, just like rain droplets and the sky and trees, Rainbows and God's Promises really are all around us- but it takes a special set of eyes and a special heart to see that all this while, He really has been...



... admist us, and Everywhere, indeed.

" Philip said, 'Lord, show us God (the Father) and that will be enough for us.'

Jesus answered, 'Don't you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? ...

Don't you believe that I am in Him... and He is in me..."

- John 14: 8-9

There is no toilet that goes unnoticed

Ok guys some of you should know by now after my previous post that the Aeroline Bus has a toilet


which I thought was impossible since Malaysians and toilet can never really go together. (ok not going to post up another disgusting picture)

Maybe people who travel with this bus are more educated and civilized.



But whatever it is I guess I have underestimated our Malaysians and that toilets are left unharmed.



APPARENTLY NOT!!



Yesterday, I decided to take the Aeroline Bus again back to Penang this time(since its just so convenient to fly) which only has one bus throughout the whole day and leaves at 10am.


After enjoying a wonderful Subway Burger as breakfast which is normally provided on trips back to Penang,


I decided to make full use of the facilities provided and visited the civilized toilet only to notice this...


LIGHT USAGE ONLY!!

It still remains true...There is no toilet that goes unnnoticed.

Penang Harbour Trade Center

A few days ago before I left for the modern city of Kuala Lumpur where it is marveled for its unique architecture buildings,




people who can afford expensive cars,



men who are believed to be more matured with women with some maturing way too early of their time and is already racing at the age of 15,




and girls who are known to be prettier than any other states in the country (well that's because they are all from other states such as Penang)



I went to pay a customer a visit at a place called Penang Harbour Trade Center.

Thats right guys...PENANG HARBOUR TRADE CENTER.

For those of you who has no clue whatsoever that such a place exists, TRUST ME!! You are not alone!!



Judging by the name alone, you might think there will be girls dressed up like this walking around just like the show the Devil Wears Prada.




You might think that such a place would be filled with cars that is nothing less than Ferrari's, Lamborghini's or Bentley's parked in a row in front of the centre.



Even if that may be too much, at least a row of car enthusiasts would pick such a spot to show off their supped up Japanese Fast Racing Cars and line them up in a row in front of the center.



You might think that such a place would be filled with exclusive outlets targeted to the rich and beautiful that poor people will never be able to afford not to say walk in.



You might think that there will be places such as Coffee Bean or Starbucks for professionals to seat together and have a drink and enjoy the breathtaking view from the Harbour


instead of sitting around at Gurney Plaza looking at coffee cups which ends up being more interesting.



We would also like to think that such a place would have a spectacular architectural design if not at least somewhere close to Harbour Front in Singapore


or at least Sydney Harbour (maybe I am getting a little too far here)


okok to cut the story short, I now present to you our very own Penang Harbour Trade Center.

Ready??here it goes...

It may seem a little difficult to find..


Its located at Lintang Macallum 2...



This is the building.hmmm...





It is next to the biggest wet market called Pasar Borang Pulau Mutiara. I guess we know what kind of trading they do around here.


Surrounded with not too distant high-rise buildings.



There are cars parked in a row infront of the Trade Center. At least its parked in a row!!



That's the view of the harbour from where I was standing....


and as you step into the lift, it is not surprising to expect symbols being drawn like this.



umm i guess i don't have to go on further what our harbour trade center is all about as the symbol wraps up everything ...

I guess i expected a little too much from our harbour trade centre. Anyhow, if you're wondering where I met up with my customer at this place, well it wasn't too difficult. While many do meet up with customers at fancy restaurants and bars which was non-existent there, I on the other hand was at the famous not too difficult to find

Sin Ban Leng Cafe.



Barli Peng!!CHAR KOAY TEOW!!

Taking the Aeroline Bus from Penang to KL

I've been taking so many types of buses for sooo long that I couldn't possibly remember what it felt like to use an alternative mode of transportation on the road such as a car.

I will never be able to enjoy the company of another beautiful girl.



I will never be able to stop in-between states for breakfast or lunch.



I will never be able to enjoy music played through my very own expensive stereo.



and I will never be able to impress a girl how fast it takes me from Penang to KL.



Its the kind of transportation that if one asks of how I am going back, no one would ask further of tagging along even if i'm able to entertain through the use of my Samsung YP-S5 MP3 player.


Even if I were to offer a free ticket, there were none-takers.

It comes to a point that being single and poor is left rejected in society while the guy in the BMW will definitely be showered with all the attention that I will never get by way of the bus.



Now, while many of us are unable to climb up the success ladder that quickly, it only makes sense that after a few years of working, it pays off once awhile to give yourself a treat to a more comfortable and expensive ride compared to a usual average bus which gives you a 50% chance of survival if not none at all.



What i'm talking about??

wait..before i show you, answer this trick question...what is the most convenient way to fly from Penang to KL??

Behold...




THE AEROLINE BUS!!BET U DID NOT GET THAT RIGHT!


THE CONVENIENT WAY TO FLY!!



Just awhile ago, with enough money in my pocket ready to be spent to make my life more comfortable, I manage to get a ticket to this bus.


With a price of RM55, this bus will get you from the Sungai Nibong Bus Station to One-Utama in KL. There is only one bus throughout the day and it only leaves at 5pm. With much convenience, it still leaves people like me to earn a decent amount of pocket money throughout the day before boarding this wonderful experience that only the higher than average people of society can afford.

With that, i'm going to show you how comfortable this bus is.

This is how it looks on the inside.



It has reclining seats and window curtains as well to block you from the sun.



You have your own personal air-cond and stereo, just like a plane.



You have newspapers and magazines to read throughout the journey to entertain yourself together with a large 32" LCD TV that plays some of the latest movies up-to-date.



While all that may seem pretty normal in many average buses, wait till you see this...

This bus has a second floor.



A small lounge with huge comfy seats and table to do your work.





It also has a small lcd tv to play movies as well.



You can even use your laptop in this bus and do your work. Doesn't have internet access though. Aeh where can expect so much arr!!



It has a plug at the bottom of every seat to charge up your appliances/laptop as well..



So if you're really one hell of a cheapo person who wants to make his or her money's worth, well bring all your battery charges and start charging everything from handphones, to ipods, laptops and all sorts.



They also serve ummm delicious Char Koay Teow along the way. Take it or leave it!



Now I could go on the whole day about all the little things that I have just experienced in this bus but let me share with you something extra that I thought was impossible for buses to have because of the impossible to delete mindset of connecting Malaysians to personal hygiene.



This bus has a toilet!!



CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT!!

IT HAS A TOILET!!

If you tell me, this has definitely got to be the best thing that has ever happened than travelling by car!!

Keeping all that in mind, while my mind was fixed to my happily thoughts, I glanced outside the window only to notice a couple in a car with the guy smiling away driving in his convertible with his pretty and well-dressed girlfriend whom I can tell was enjoying the best time of her life.


Thinking that THAT is nothing to what i'm experiencing in this bus, I looked on my right only to notice that...



Sigh....Its still a bus..

If you're still reading...the bus normally arrives back at one-utama around 920pm...