Back on the bike.

They say, you know you've let something go when you can live life without it. That's why they say fasting can be so powerful.

Fasting from the television, games, computer and other pleasures in life help us to realise our vulnerabilities, surrender our dependency and realign ourselves with the important, more divine things of this world.

My 100-day bike fast ended this week. In those 100 days of abstinence, there was a lot I learnt about myself and my needs. I also learnt much about what I didn't need.

I took my bike out for my first ride yesterday. Unlike what I had thought, however, it was very difficult to ride again. I was fearful, and it took a great deal of courage to do so.

So, it was only after a great deal of cajoling from my biking buddies to pick my bike up again that I took off, albeit on my own, for an easy ride in the evening. And surprisingly, it was neither liberating nor joyful. It was, instead, (and this is where you laugh) very stressful.

My biking buddies had been asking me when I'd be back. They missed my company as much as I missed theirs. But I also realised, there was a possibility I could never be as fast as them again. That scared me. I dare not ride with them for fear I would be left behind. I have a neurotic fear of being left behind. Having to press on by yourself, against the headwind without help, can be incredibly painful.

It was Jn, who gave me a revelation. For months I was suffering from the guilt of injuring myself, thinking it was God who had punished me for my self-striving attitude. Till now I cannot fathom why in spite of all that's happened, my opinion of God has always been Him being a harsh figure. It was Jn who audaciously suggested that the message from this incident was not about God's punishment but rather, God's love. Put very simply, the message was, I didn't need to earn God's love.

There was a long pause between us. It was like I had just found out bread didn't grow on trees.

Do you try, unconsciously, to earn God's love too? Do you feel that you have to do everything well and beat yourself up for it.

I know I do. I do, all the time, unconsciously.

And it cost me dearly. It cost me 4 torn muscles, one hip fracture from the torn muscles (I didn't even fall, mind you), an exorbidant amount of money to undergo rehabilitation and physiotherapy, and a 6-month hiatus to reflect upon my attitudes and worldview.

So I rode yesterday, on my bike Faith, and found myself learning how I strive too much. I keep striving, as if God were an unpleasable Being who wanted me to s-t-r-e-t-c-h myself till I imploded. I live life as if I have to earn points to gain his affection.

But that is so untrue- God never needs us to earn His love.

God's love is given freely, and till now, that is one thing I have been unable to grasp fully. You must work hard to get into medical school, you must torture yourself and get 9As to enter. You must suffer greatly and push yourself before you are worthy enough to be noticed.

Treacherous lies, seeded from a long, long time ago. Lies, which served me well till now.

Yesterday during a gathering, I heard the Big Boys complaining about how excruciatingly slow some of the new riders were, and how they were slowing them down.

I chuckled, half-worryingly, "Haha, don't be cruel. When I get back on the bike next week, I could be just as slow or slower!"

To which they kept reassuring me that I wouldn't be. Even then, they still wanted me back. When are you joining us again?

I keep forgetting, I don't need to do anything more to be loved any more. God loves us the way we are, just the way we are. And I keep needing to remind the little insecure girl inside myself, that my friends don't love me because I used to ride with them at 43kmph down the roads. They love me because of who I am. I didn't need to try to earn their love. They took pains to give me my new bike, Faith, because they loved me for being someone to give my bike money away to someone else who needed it more. They loved me for me.

Why don't I get that?

They don't love me for my achievements, for my swim timing, or my training schedule. They don't love me for how many medals I've got.

And neither does God.

He loves me that I like cycling, that even after so long, I still have trouble balancing with one hand. He loves me that I'm not stick-thin and that sometimes, I can let go and eat whatever everyone else is eating. He loves me that I sometimes talk too fast and laugh too loud, that I have to speak up when I see injustice, even if sometimes my mouth works faster than my head.

Why does it take us so long to realise, that He doesn't love us for what we can do, but for who we are.

Like my bike Faith, spiritual faith isn't earned, but a gift.

So I think I'll join my cycling buddies on their ride again this week. I'm going back on my bike, Faith.

You are loved just the way you are.

"For by grace you are saved through faith;

and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
Not of works, lest any man should boast. "

- Ephesians 2:8-9

Beautiful child.

Thank you for giving her the gift of hearing.

Now, Alisha can truly have a chance at a normal life back in Nepal where she stays at.

Like the other kids.

*To those of you who have made a difference to her life through your generosity, thank you. Alisha still has to return to Singapore regularly from Nepal for her speech and hearing therapy. The flights and therapy sessions all add up. If you would like to help support her further in any way, please write to me at tanwaijia@gmail.com to find out more.

Things Unseen.

Somehow, I knew God had a hand in it.

You see, as medical students in our clinical years, we rotate around various hospitals in Singapore so much that we rarely spend more than a month or two in a single hospital. Surgery, internal medicine, paediatrics, dermatology, infectious disease etc... for each specialty, we move to a different location.

Alisha is the 4-year old girl from Nepal whom my missionary friend and I were involved with to coordinate a cochlear implant surgery in Singapore some time last year. I remember, both times Alisha had been scheduled to fly in for her speech and hearing therapy appointment at the National University Hospital, I had happened to be scheduled there for my postings as well. It was because of that, that I was able to visit her and accompany her for her therapy sessions. Not once, but twice.

Mdm H is the lovely lady whose waterbag had burst only slightly more than midway through her pregnancy. I remember, she made a huge impact on me because of her joy in spite of her circumstance. Most women can be moody and emotional during their pregnancy because of the hormonal changes and various other stressors. (Pregnancy in itself can be very stressful.) Yet, in spite of such a huge setback, with news of her baby needing to be born prematurely and possibly facing many risks and future complications, Mdm H remained positive, strong and held on firmly to her belief that God was in control- not out of ignorance, but sheer faith. I remember, the two times she text messaged me to inform me she was carrying her baby boy to the hospital for followup visits with the doctor, I had happened to be allocated to that hospital as well. Because of that, we could catch up and I could visit her son. She wrote about our 1st and 2nd meeting. In my time of self-doubt and despair, she gave me immense encouragement.

Mdm S is the strong parent whose faith and strength shall always be etched in my memory. Her 3-year old son, E, has been in and out of hospital for bloatedness due to a kidney problem. The week her son was warded happened to be the week when I was posted to that hospital as well. Because of that, I could visit and tell him funny stories where we laughed ourselves silly, and pray together with Mdm S.

Qing is the amazing young woman from China with a grossly disfigured face. Having had acid poured all over her beautiful face when she was 14 by her elder sister's vengeful boyfriend, she had been almost blind for 5 years before Dr. Tan Lai Yong, a Singaporean doctor who had been serving the needy in China for more than a decade, flew her in to Singapore for various skin and eye treatments, and took her to various meetings to speak about her experience. Her simple joy and faith in a God whom she believed loved her immensely would bring tears to those who heard her story.

On the second day of my Ophathalmology rotation 6 months back, I remember bumping into her at the waiting room. She happened to be scheduled to see my professor, who was her doctor.
Yesterday, I received a text message from her saying she would be at the Eye Centre again. Incidentally, even thought I am now doing my dermatology rotation at a different hospital, I had been scheduled weeks ago for an appointment with my therapist there on the same morning. Perfect.

So many times, it seemed as if God had allowed these special arrangements to take place so that I would have the chance to enjoy these very special moments. Coincidence? On so many occasions?

Today, Qing was there in her signature sunglasses which she uses to hide her eyes. Where her right eye should have been, is a red, fleshy piece of skin and some clear liquid dripping out. When I first met her, there was an ulcer and pus- things had improved since then. Her other eye, with a severely damaged eyelid and only a few eyelashes, had undergone 2 previous corneal implants due to infections.

"I certainly hope the doctors will say my eyes have improved this time!"

She is almost blind. Before she met Dr. Tan a few years ago, she could see even less. She is now 22, almost my age.

Instead of being resigned to doing nothing, she spends her time making beautiful cloth flowers which she sells to raise support for herself and other victims of abuse in the Rehabilitation Centre at Kunming, China. On my 23rd birthday this year, instead of buying me more things I didn't need, my friends purchased the beautiful flowers made by her. They were sold in a flash.

She opened her wallet. "Wai Jia," she said in mandarin, "this is my old photo. This is how I looked like before. I was dancing in a performance, I chose this dress because I thought it looked so pretty."

I fell silent. She was so beautiful.

Doe-eyed and innocent, she was so beautiful at 13 before that fateful day. Now, her face was, by normal standards, hideous. No one would walk by her without taking a second look. She had one eye. Her face was a giant keloid. Half her nose was gone, her mouth was crooked. Part of her scalp was so badly damaged she had to cover it with her fringe.



This time, she came with a friend, HJ. When we had a quiet moment together away from Qing, I asked HJ, "Does Qing ever feel depressed?"

"No. Can't you see, she's always very cheerful."

"But how can that be? Surely she has difficult moments?"

I thought about how difficult it must be for her to face herself each day, how depressing it must be to feel ugly, blind and to have to apply creams, eyedrops, and wear contact lenses for one eye to prevent recurrent corneal infections on her only good eye. For myself, just a hamstring injury and a pelvic fracture had caused me so much grief- I had days feeling fat and ugly, and couldn't imagine how it must be like for Qing.

"It happened so many years ago that she's learnt to cope. If anything, it's her elder sister who still copes with some guilt."

I knew HJ was telling the truth, because Qing once shared with me how God loves her so much that He sent angels to bring her from China to Singapore, people to sponsor her multiple operations in Singapore which cost tens, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars, and doctors to see her for free.

"He loves me so much. Why should I be sad?"

She is 22. This happened to her when she was 14.

I had to leave for my medical appointment. And it made me see how our every moment is a miracle, how many things there are which we can be grateful and thankful for. I was fed up with being injured, fed up with having to followup with my therapist regarding my old illness of anorexia, but she showed me how precious our life is, and how much we have to be grateful for for even having the chance to receive medical treatment.

Some time back, when I was back in the same place where I was treated learning about anorexia, but this time as a medical student, I found myself, during a tutorial, doodling (out of nervousness from hearing about my old illness being taught aloud). What I had drawn startled me, made me see that part of Ele still lives in my head. That was when I knew there was still work to be done.

Here we are worrying about how we look, how we appear in front of others, worrying about being fat or having acne or shoddy, when there is so much more to life. This afternoon at the dermatology clinic, we saw so many patients who came in wanting to know how they could get rid of their eyebags, skin creases or tiny skin tags less than 2mm in diameter.

Granted, these are valid urban anxieties, but do we forget, that somewhere out there, in a world different from ours, there are people living lives with such pure faith and joy, strength and courage in the face of tragedy, injustice and pain. Do we lose ourselves in our self-absorption.

"Qing, thanks so much for keeping in touch with me."

Thank you, for being a part of the many special encounters God has orchestrated to show me how gratitude and faith, courage and love, can make such a huge difference not only in our lives, but in the lives of those around us.

Thank you for showing us what it means to live life with such valour.

You may be almost blind, but you've opened our eyes to the things unseen.

"... while we look not at things seen,

but things unseen;

for things seen are temporary,

but things unseen are eternal..."

2 Cor 4:18

*Qing's pictures and story published with permission.

Listening Well.

It seemed like just yesterday when I heard about Alisha's story. It seemed like just a while back when a surgeon willing to waive a large part of $100'000 worth of surgical fees was finally found, when I lost the money for my dream-bike in exchange for learning the lesson of faith and trust in God's provision, and when $40'000 was finally raised for her. It seemed so recent when her mother thought it might be impossible for Alisha to ever hear again, ever attend school because of a bad infection when she was little.

Alisha came back this week for her follow-up speech and hearing therapy sessions. I'm always amazed at how I have always been "coincidentally" assigned to this particular hospital for my clinical attachments each time she visits from Nepal. Jo (my missionary friend) flies Alisha and her mother in from Nepal for regular follow-up sessions here in Singapore.

Alisha, and Jo speaking to one of the therapists outside the Ear, Nose and Throat (ENT) clinic.

Alisha absolutely loves arranging things in a neat and tidy fashion.

She wears an orange pouch round her neck all the time,

which contains extra batteries for her implant.

Alisha occupied with colouring, while the therapist fine-tunes the volume of her hearing implant.

The device has to be adjusted every few months so Alisha can adapt to hearing a greater range of sound volumes.

This week, Alisha was at the hospital on 3 occasions, each time to fine-tune her hearing implant, to undergo hearing as well as speech therapy. Today, I sat in to watch Alisha go through a variety of picture cards, as the therapist taught her mother how to teach Alisha to attach meaningful sounds to the pictures.

(Clockwise) Alisha, her mother, Jo and the speech therapist.

As I sat down by her side and watched her imitating sounds and learning to link pictures meaningfully to the sounds of words, I marvelled at the opportunity that was now opened to her because of the love and faith of my missionary friend, the surgeon, the many generous donors (including many of you!), and her speech and hearing therapists, who sometimes see her for free on weekends, and even went to Nepal to visit Alisha during their leave in January when they decided to go trekking there.

It made me think, just as how Alisha is learning how to decipher sounds and put meaning to them, are we too, learning how to hear God too? Is He really silent, or perhaps, is the noise of the crowd or our own obstinance stifling the sound of His voice? Are we staying tuned at the right frequency?

As I sat down on a chair watching Alisha, feeling the pain of my fracture in my pelvis, I remembered the pain during the time God had asked me to give up my bike money for Alisha's operation, the anguish, the disbelief, and the final act of surrender. I watched her laughing and listened to her mother say how her ability to hear had made her more sociable and manageable as a child, how she could respond to verbal warnings instead of being susceptible to dangers when she could not hear people calling out for her safety. I listened as her mother shared how she no longer had to avoid church meetings because of Alisha's incessant and loud screaming, since now she could hear herself and hence knew how to control her voice. I listened as she shared how Alisha was now beginning to understand words and was doing well in school.

Deafness doesn't just mean a loss of hearing. It implies developmental delay, mental retardation, irritable and inappropriate behaviour, a loss of educational opportunities and hence employment, and possibly a gate to prostitution, abuse and slavery. Your generosity has given her a chance at a whole new life.

"Do the kids at school make fun of her?" I asked. After all, childen can be very cruel.

"No," she said in Nepalese. "Not at all. Her friends love her to bits. She really enjoys school now, and her teacher says she's doing well. We never imagined she would have the chance to attend a class. She can even tell her friends to 'come' or 'sit'." My missionary translated her words into english.

Alisha grinned at me.

And she reminded me, of how important it is for us to live our lives surrendered to God, if we truly want to experience the fullness of His goodness and amazing grace in our lives. If I had not obeyed God during that time, and if He had not given me strength to give up what meant so much to me, I would not have met the donor who sponsored her remaining surgical fees and who decided to sponsor my next book, would not have met amazing friends who came together to buy me my real dreambike after knowing about Alisha, would not have understood the meaning of God's generosity and provision.

She reminded me, of just like how I had given up what meant much to me before, I must do it again and give up biking, running and any form of sport for now, so that my injuries can heal. I have to confess, I have had stress fractures elsewhere in my feet this year, and they are signs that I must rest, must drink my milk and be a good girl to sit at God's feet.

Alisha grinned again, this time waving her hand and saying "bye bye" to the therapist. Just like how my pain of losing something dear to me before birthed into something beautiful, Alisha reminded me, that surely this pain has a purpose too. She reminded me, of the importance of not only hearing, but of listening to God's voice. There're many sounds in the environment, but one must attach both meaning and value to the sounds and words before they become anything meaningful.

Does God's voice sound audible to you today? Do you need to quiet yourself down, and fine-tune your 'hearing implant' too? I know I do.

She reminded me, that when God calls us to surrender and obey, we must listen. Because surely, something good, something as good as a deaf child gaining her sense of hearing, would come out of this.

"He who has ears to hear, let him hear. "

-Matthew 11:15

*Thank you to those of you who have given to Alisha so generously and sacrificially. Jo flies her mother and her in every few months for her follow-up therapy sessions. This will be for the long-haul, and finances are always an issue, but we're trusting God as usual for His timely provision. Do drop me a note at tanwaijia@gmail.com if you'd like to help in any way.

Sweet adversity.

Sweet are the uses of adversity,

Which, like the toad, ugly and venomous,

Wears yet a precious jewel in his head.

-Shakespeare

Suffering is the common experience of mankind. It is something I am both anguished by and enthralled with.

It seems, that God often uses the most painful experiences in our lives to grow, teach and humble us. They are not for nothing.

But in our suffering, it can be hard to see that.

Last week, I attended a talk about Suffering and Evil. It was about the problem of pain, and how suffering poses a deep dilemma for us, even more so for the most fervent lovers of God. For undeserved suffering poses a great moral dilemma: How can a good God bring me so much pain? The sufferer is in deep perplexity: Is God for me or against me? It is baffling, guilt-riddling, isolating: Have I sinned so badly to deserve this, does God not love me?

At the end of the talk, during the Question and Answer session, I asked how one ought to respond to a sufferer. In the light of sin, empathy and that unfathomable space of not knowing what God is doing, how do we bring comfort to another? LT Jeyachandran, a well-known speaker, answered, "It is not our part to judge the sufferer for his suffering. Sometimes, suffering happens to good people. It is not always punishment. But only when the dust has settled shall we fathom even a little of it. Only God knows, and it is merely our duty to listen, to love, and to comfort."

How true.

I don't know why but I started to tear. Because of those 2 years of utter depression and darkness, I understood the taste of suffering, of what it means to sleep in fear and depression and to awaken in despair, to lose everything one values and gain only but pain, to withstand despicion and struggle with guilt, to grapple with a silent, withdrawn God and to wrestle with Him day after day, with a blank world, white pills and isolation. You will understand only after the dust has settled, he said.

Suffering has no answer in its presence. It is only when it has ended, does some semblance of an answer come to one.

Now that that period of clinical depression has ended, and God has promised me a Rainbow, I now understand that period of suffering as a form of cleansing for me, a period of intense stripping and rebuilding, a terrible and beautiful moulding process. That suffering made me grow. It gave me a story to tell. It gave me a new life.

Yet, suffering always bears the quality of having no complete answers. Even as the answers for my suffering reveal themselves slowly, and I am convinced of God's immense love for me, the tears still came because still, I asked, God, did it have to be this way? Did I have to suffer so much?

I suppose the answer is yes. Suffering is not only important, but necessary for our growth.

Today, at the pre-race briefing for the Half-Iron Man race this Sunday, I found part of my answer.

As they went through the rules for the triathlon, I was cringing in my seat. I had agreed to stand in for a friend for the cycling part of a relay team, comprising of 2 others who would swim 1.9km and run a half-marathon. Little did I realize what I had agreed to. The 90km race was in less than a week, and even though I often biked extra distance during training, I had not been training with the race in mind. According to a newspaper article yesterday, the bike leg was invariably the longest and toughest. Said a seasoned triathlete at an interview, "When you've cycled 60km already, going up the slope the 5th and 6th time becomes a case of mind over body."

The cycling leg has been termed "a stiff test" for the athletes, with the most number of rules and points of disqualification, with a route going 6 times up the formidable slope on Benjamin Sheares Bridge under a hot sun, with one surely having to eat and drink while riding on the bike (quite a balancing feat), and the worst rule was, each bike had to be at least 7 metres away from the next one. This ensures nobody drafts, which means tailing behind a bike so as to avoid the extra effort of breaking the headwind.

No drafting. I’d never gone even close to 90km without drafting before.

What had I done. The same feeling of dread and realisation of my folly that I have every time I sign up for a mission trip came into my heart. Silly girl, now look what you’ve done.

“Oh, I’m so silly,” I said aloud to a friend. "No drafting!"

“I see your training group often drafts along long stretches, yes?”

“Yes, you’re right. Now I’m really done for.”

As those words left my mouth, something suddenly hit me. No, it was not true. Yes, the Big, Fast Boys in my training group often found it a great thrill to draft down long stretches at incredibly high speeds, but because God had withheld providing me with a new bike by giving my money away for Alisha’s hearing implant operation, I suffered with training on a much heavier, larger, lower-speed and poorer-grade bike for a prolonged period of time. Even though I pushed so hard, I was still the slowest in the group for a long time, so slow that almost always, I was thrown behind to ride alone, pushing against the headwind, with no one to draft behind.

Little did I realise, that that was the best ground for training.

Suffering is like that. It perplexes us while we're in it. But on retrospection, always helps us to see how it disciplines, moulds and strengthens us.

During the time after I had given away the money my father had given me for my new bike, every ride hurt, physically and emotionally. Many times, when I was thrown behind to ride all alone against the brutal headwind, with my friends soaring ahead, my heart would sink like a rock. My father had told me it was not that he couldn’t buy me a bicycle, but it was a matter of principle that he would not get me the bike. “It was a decision you made to give your money away, so you’ll have to live with it. It’s a matter of Principle, a lesson you must learn. I cannot pamper you.”

Riding alone with the pain in my legs, the discouragement of being left behind and the hurt that I mightn’t ever get a new bike… that was, in a way, a form of suffering, even though this suffering is incomparable to the suffering of poverty and hunger. Those rides were awful. I wanted to give my roadbike away and stop cycling altogether. For a few weeks, I refused to touch or even look at it.

But we forget, how suffering makes us grow, how it has a purpose, even if we don’t see it at the time.

What I didn’t realize was how God allowed that suffering for a greater purpose. Is that hard to believe? That a good God allows us to suffer? It was precisely because I had trained so much and pushed so hard on a terribly heavy and ill-fitted bike for so long that my legs bring me much faster and further on Faith, my new bike now. Because of that prolonged period of suffering and training, Faith can ride with the Big Boys now. And because of that, even though I'm a little worried, I have faith that God will see us through.

Are you suffering in some way, in some aspect of your life, and does it perplex you too?

Know that it is not for naught. As Shakespeare puts it, “Sweet are the uses of adversity/ Which, like the toad, ugly and venomous/Wears yet a precious jewel in his head.”

Suffering often prepares us for the races which we don’t even know lie ahead of us. They train our characters and grow our spirits, so we’ll be ready when an unexpected trial or race befalls us, when we have to rough it out alone, with nobody to draft or seek guidance from. I never knew, but those times of grief in solitude, whether cycling alone behind the pack or simply living through clinical depression, were excellent times of training the mind, body and spirit. I now see how those dark periods of adversity not only humbled, but also strengthened and refined my character, too. The greater the suffering, the greater the glory and beauty at the end.

And I suppose, it brings me greatest comfort to know that God suffered the biggest suffering known to mankind, and finished the toughest race known to humanity, to exchange a crown of thorns for a bejewelled crown of honour. Because of that, surely, we can delight in our sufferings, persevere through them, and finish our races, too.

Adversity is sweet and purposeful, if only we persevere till the end.

“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial,

because when he has stood the test,

he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”

-James 1:12

And after you have suffered for a little while,

the God of all grace,

who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself

restore, support, strengthen,

and establish you.

-1 Peter 5: 7-10

She hears.

“Pani. PAH- NEE.”

I pointed to my water bottle and said the words slowly, deliberately. Pani means water in Nepalese.

She looked at me, half bewildered, then mouthed, “Pani”.

“She spoke! She said Pani, did you hear that?”

“Yes,” said my missionary friend, who has just brought Alisha and her mother to Singapore again for their follow-up in hearing and speech therapy. “The therapists say she is learning very fast, nearly twice as fast as one normally would.”

I met them at the hospital just yesterday. I looked at Alisha, marveled at the miracle of her regaining her sense of hearing and having a fresh shot at life through your generosity and stood, speechless.

When I first heard of my missionary friend's request to find a doctor and sponsors to help this 4-year old Nepalese girl with a $100'000 hearing implant operation, my faith was shamefully weak. Why help her? Why so much money and effort for one person? How do we fly her into Singapore, and what about follow-up? Her mother had suffered from a meningeal infection during her pregnancy, resulting in the destruction of Alisha's cochlear. But her's isn't the only sob story-what do you expect me to do?

Sometimes, it amazes me to know the extent that God loves us, and how far He sometimes wants us to go for someone else. Who knows what God can do, when we put in just that little bit of faith, in what seems impossible.

Months ago, when God gave the money I was given for the roadbike I wanted away to her, I am embarrassed to say I was depressed for many weeks after that. Cycling became painful, so for a period I stopped, in spite of my friends’ persistent invitations to train with them, since not cycling relieved that acute sense of longing and struggle to grapple with my desires and God’s.

I shared with my missionary friend how God had orchestrated a beautiful series of events not only to bless me with my new bike, Faith, but with the sponsorship of my next book about Faith, and many lessons of trust, sacrifice and obedience.

We both had a moment of silence, taking in the beauty of all that had happened: Because of Alisha, the bike I originally wanted had to go. Because of that sacrifice and blind act of faith, a sponsor who knew about the case intervened to not only sponsor Alisha but my next book about Faith. Because of this turn of events, my friends and family made the story complete by surprising me with such a beautifully well-fitted, light and fast bike called… Faith, too. This bike is infinitely more meaningful and precious to me than the one I had originally wanted to buy out of self-centredness. It is precisely of this beautiful story behind my bicycle that I go so much faster and have gained so much more motivation and confidence to ride. I got a free seat again to help a friend ride 90km for this Sunday’s Aviva Half-Iron Man race. I’m scared, but I think faith will see us through.

Thank you for your generosity. For those of you who have given sacrificially to Alisha’s cause, know that you have not only given her the chance to hear, but to speak, to learn, to work and to have a chance at a potentially bright future as well. Her teachers say she is so expressive, participative and bright in her class, in spite of her late start in speaking. You have saved her from a lifetime of discrimination, unemployment, and possibly, prostitution too.

Just remember, that whatever you give, will be given back to you in return- in abundance, in grace, more than you could ever ask or think. Perhaps not in the way you demand, perhaps in a painful, longsuffering way, but surely in the best, and most beautiful way, in God's time.

"... I pray that out of God's glorious riches

he may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being,

so that God may dwell in your hearts through faith.

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,

may have power...

to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of God..."

-Ephesians 3

Faith Flew.

It's funny how one thinks the story is over when really, it has only just begun.

I thought about how amazingly orchestrated the entire series of events was- how the bicycle, Faith, was linked to Alisha, which was linked to my faith in God, which was linked to A Taste of Rainbow, which was linked to a real rainbow, which was linked to my illness, which was linked to pride, which was linked to Kitesong, which was linked to my dreams as a kid... and it made me marvel at the thought that perhaps, God really did plan everything from beginning to the end, at the moment we were born.

There was a nationwide cycling race on Sunday which I didn't sign up for because I thought it was a little too expensive. To be honest, I was afraid. Afraid of crashing my new bike, afraid of riding 40km by myself amidst an angry mob of adrenalin-filled athletes and afraid that it exposed my insecurity about missing church.

But J, a dear friend, gave me a free race seat under her husband's name because he didn't want to participate anymore. It turned out that I could attend church on Saturday instead, and the race began so early that I would have more than enough time to make it for the sunday school class I had to teach in the late morning. So I went.

And Faith flew.

I didn't know my race number was in the competitive category so when I got there, and found myself in the midst of a group of muscular, charged-up and competitive-looking men, I started to wonder if I had been crazy. On my first mini-triathlon race, I had fallen off my bike because I didn't brake hard enough on a sharp hairpin turn. This nationwide race had 5400 cyclists, and was well-known for causing crashes. On the day, many people suffered falls, fractures, bike accidents.

God, it'll be a miracle if I don't fall off Faith.

Cyclist after cyclist overtook me. There were only a handful of female cyclists in sight. I couldn't draft (cycle close to someone so as to cut out the headwind for an easier ride), and my legs were burning from the starting point from the 70km training ride and swim I did a day ago. What a mistake, I thought. Never train a day before race day if you don't want to perform badly.

Nonetheless, this race was special because it was my first race on Faith. It was special because my wheels were faulty and J had to lend me hers, reminding me again that our faith really is built up not by ourselves, but by our friends and loved ones, too. It was special because for the first time, I raced and pushed myself till the very end, instead of giving up and losing steam at the last leg, which I have done so for almost all my previous races. I remembered what J told me- keep pushing till the very end. Always do your best. Always.

I had never been on a bicycle so light before. For once, I could reach the brakes and they didn't screech. For once, the gears changed smoothly without causing trouble.

My friends had done so much for me to own a bike I could enjoy. They gave me a new jersey which I wore that day, a new triathlon suit, new tyres, a bike light, a bike pouch. One of them, Batman, even drove to my place one day to pass me a custom-made decal sticker so my name would be on my bicycle. And instead of selling her race seat, J, knowing I would otherwise not partcipate in the cycling race, chose to pass it on to me. So my legs were burning, even from the very beginning of the race, but faith helped to see me till the end.

I learnt, that our faith, when built in us by our loved ones, can make us fly. I also learnt, that our faith never quite comes full circle till the day we die- for just when I thought Faith, the bicycle, was completed, I learnt that my wheel hub was faulty and had to be sent back to the store. I learnt, that the perfection of our Faith is an ongoing process, indeed. A lot of patience is needed.

When I got to church to teach my 7-year olds, I shared with them some photos of my new bicycle, because they had insisted I show them what God had blessed me with, especially since they had been following the trailer.

"WOW JIEJIE (big sister) WAIJIA, IS THAT REAL? THAT BICYCLE- IT'S REAL?"

"Yes dear Isaiah, of course it's real," I smiled.

And I just thank God for reminding me time and again of His blessings, that I received this all not because of my own ability or doing, but simply, because of His grace. Over my birthday, I received everything I ever needed and more- Aunty M said she'd paid for my skincare which'd last me till the end of the year. I realised, that it amounted to more than a thousand dollars. I hardly even know her. But God knows how training in the sun and the stress of medical school really ruins my skin- and so He chose to provide for me.

With faith, we can believe that He will provide for all our needs.

It reminded me so clearly of what Aunty Ay had shared with me many months back when God gave my bike money away- that He is no man's debtor. When we give up, surely He will return us measure for measure, pressed down and overflowing.

Today, the race results were out. My name wasn't on the list because it was under my friend's husband's name. Taking the timing, I put it against the results of my age group and was shocked to realise that it was 7th in place of 161 participants in my category had I registered under my name.

Seventh. 7th.

Nothing to shout about, but I secretly thanked God that my name wasn't there, a safeguard against my own pride. To be honest, if I had signed up by myself, I don't think I would've done as well. Part of my strength came from knowing the faith J had in me, to want to give up her race seat for me when she could've sold it off easily.

Thank you for the bicycle, guys. More than a beautiful ride, it has blessed me with your friendship, a community I can rely on, a very special story to cherish and to tell. (On Sunday after church service, people kept coming up to ask me if I had talked to senior pastor lately. I didn't know, that while I was teaching at sunday school, senior pastor told the congregation that he met a girl that week, a 4th year medical student, who told him a story which impacted him so deeply. I smiled, because I had shared with him the story of Finding Faith and what God had done in my life.)

Just a little more than a year back, I didn't even know how to cycle on 2 wheels, because I was too afraid. Just a year ago, every ride I rode was a big act of faith. Thank you for giving me more than a bicycle, but also courage and faith- in myself.

It was an awesome ride. And even more awesome to be there with you all. It was a surprise to receive a medal at the end.

Faith flew. And, I didn't fall.

"Without faith,

a man can do nothing;

With it,

all things are possible."

- Sir William Osler

23rd Birthday.

This birthday is the best one I've ever had. Although it was on Wednesday, showers of blessing rained down since Monday, all through the week till the weekend. This birthday has been the biggest breakthrough for me in so many ways- physically, emotionally and spiritually. And I want to thank each of you for being a part of my journey thus far.

On Monday, a public institution, two established foundations and my publisher gave their full support for A Taste of Rainbow, the book I had written in June 2007 about faith, hope and courage, to raise funds and awareness for people struggling with depression and disorders from self-esteem issues. The first page of the book begins with Hebrews 11:1- "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." In June 2007, I saw a rainbow in the sky just moments after I had finished the first draft of the book.

A rainbow is God's promise. On Monday, I saw a glimpse of that reality.

On the same day, Faith, the bicycle, was built. Faith is a gift from my friends and family, put together by them because of how they had been moved by God who gave the money meant for my new bike to Alisha, a 4-year old deaf Nepalese girl who was $20'000 short. It was because of this giving that I met Ms K, a lady behind a huge foundation who was passionate not only to pay off all of Alisha's medical costs, but to fully sponsor A Taste of Rainbow.

The connections, revelations and lessons gleaned from this story blows my mind to this day, still.
On Tuesday, my friends came down specially with me to be fitted onto Faith. We were ecstatic. They even brought down their huge SLR cameras to capture the special moment. Interestingly, Faith still had a few tweaks to undergo.



On Wednesday, Faith was finally ready. And I wondered if God might have had a hand in it, simply because He makes things so perfect, to have me collect Faith on my birthday.


That night, around 30 friends came to my home. Many breakthroughs happened that night. Using a projector, I shared with them a presentation I'd put together to share with them my life journey with God. I entitled it "Finding Faith." It was about Kitesong, my illness, A Taste of Rainbow, Ophthalmology, Alisha and of course, my bicycle and my eventual recovery. For the first time, I could be strong enough to talk about this entire experience and about God's faithfulness in front of a watchful and fairly large audience. For A Taste of Rainbow to be truly effective in reaching patients, youth-at-risk and the public-at-large, my publisher said I had to be ready in being open with my Story.

That night, was my first step to being brave to share my Story face to face with people. In the past, I could only write but never talk about it much.

A Taste of Rainbow is a story about having the courage to confess one's weaknesses and to get help. It is a story about a little girl who loses, and then finds her mouth.

On my 23rd birthday, on a Wednesday evening in front of about 30 people, I found my mouth. And when I spoke, I felt God's pleasure.

my friends listening

Grandpa Zhou came too, and, with everyone clapping and singing and playing the guitar according to his tunes song after song, he overcame his feelings of inferiority. It was a breakthrough for him, too.

Grandpa Zhou doing what he does best.

Everyone enjoying his singing

In addition, my friends supported Qing (a patient who had been disfigured when she was 14 by her elder sister's boyfriend) by buying the handmade flowers she had made. That meant receiving many more cards, far fewer things I didn't need, and almost $200 for her- that made me very happy. I love cards.

On Thursday, I met someone who was interested in reprinting Kitesong to raise funds to build a school in India for needy children. I might be sent there this June to visit the kids.

Suddenly, I realised that God's promise to me was true. That I guess, perhaps He has a plan for me in writing and painting.

On Friday, I acknowledged that God had blessed me above and beyond what I could ever ask. I decided that with my bicycle Faith, I ought to honour God's faithfulness to me by being even more prudent and disciplined about my spending. I had just decided I no longer wanted to buy any more unecessary sporting apparel (trisuit, biking jersey etc) when I received a call to meet a friend at the train station.

That night, I received the triathlon suit I had tried on a week ago and liked but couldn't bring myself to buy. The special stranger's gesture made me think twice and thrice. Eventually I concluded I was vain. It was on discount, but still, a hundred and fifty dollars- a sum that would sponsor 3 children's living expenses for a month in Andra Pradesh, India. My friend said he knew the shop owner and would be able to get a bigger discount on an item I fancied. Stupidly, I believed him. I never expected he would buy it for me. One hundred and fifty dollars. I was speechless.

On Saturday, I invited my friends who had got Faith for me to my place for dinner. I cooked, as a gesture of gratitude and thanks. What I didn't expect was how they continued to lavish me with gifts- an expensive strawberry cake, new tyres for my new wheels, ear-plugs for my swim training, and... ...

I buried my head in my hands. I had only removed a corner of the blue wrapping when I stood stoned. It was the new team cycling jersey, the one I'd been planning to get since January but just kept delaying because I thought that with a new bike, I ought to spend less. I felt it was too much to be spending so much money in such a short span of time. I felt I didn't need a second cycling jersey.

They got it for me because "you only have one right? Whatcha gonna do if you wanna ride on consecutive days?" and "See, this one matches your bike well. Right colour and size, yes?"

I wanted to cry and flip and laugh, all at the same time. But I was too shocked. They put Faith together for me, and now are buying things for me that match her.

This Sunday morning I woke up and saw signs of bad skin again. I biked, ran and swam yesterday and knew the cruelty of the unmerciful sun on my sensitive skin. Many months ago, a lady at church, Aunty M, treated me to a series of facial treatments at the high-end boutique shop she owned simply because "I just want to bless you, Wai Jia. I want to see God's radiance on your face."

Of late, I had decided to stop going because I felt bad about the whole thing. I woke up this morning, knowing my skin would only worsen from today on because training would be ramped up in preparation for the OSIM triathlon.

I was about to leave church when she caught me and held my hand, "Wai Jia, I want you come back SIX more times in 6 months. I just want to take care of you and see your skin perfectly cleared. Okay?"

6 months. That's just about the length of time I might be training for the Olympic distance triathlon.

It amazed me, truly, to see how God always keeps His promises, how He really knows our every need and takes best care of us. I remember when He gave the money for my new bike away to Alisha, Aunty Ay told me: God is no man's debtor. You will never need more than He can supply.

This week, I saw God's grace and abundance in my life. For all my grumbling and inability to give completely joyfully to Alisha (I was crushed and anguished for a long time), I didn't deserve a new bike at all. Yet He gave me not only a brand-new one, but the love of friends and family, and more importantly, a Story of Faith to tell.

For all my rebellion, faintheartedness and doubt, A Taste of Rainbow should very well have been trashed. Yet, God saved it, and in His perfect time, allowed its progress and I believe, will allow its complete fruition.

For all my materialism and vanity, I most certainly don't deserve to be pampered. Yet, God blessed me through angels and friends, and I received item after item which would allow me not only to complete a triathlon but to complete it with the whole set-up, trisuit and all. It blows my mind. I have never had so many thoughtful gifts in so short a time in my entire life.

Surely, this is far, far more than what God demanded for Alisha. He asks for all, only because He gives all. And His all is surely more than ours. Surely, none of this would have happened if I had ignored Him to buy the beau I first set my worldly eyes upon.

And above all,
God blessed me with friends.
Friends who accept and encourage me,
who've walked with me hand in hand,
and who love me precisely for what I've been through,
and for the way I am.

Thank you for walking with me,

on this journey of faith.

Thank you God,

for the most memorable birthday.

"Bless the Lord, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits."

-Psalm 103:2

Missing Piece.

You can't buy faith. It's something you have to receive, something that one has to build from scratch.

They couldn't build her. Faith, that is. We finally had the money, the time and the expertise, but they just couldn't build her. That morning on our 4am ride, my friends were more excited than me about my getting the new bike. Yet, I couldn't explain what it was inside me which told me that Faith wouldn't be ready so soon.

Because my friends had bought me the bicycle frame, donated some of their spare parts and my family were chipping in the rest, we had to build Faith from scratch. Building a bicycle is tricky business- one doesn't appreciate how beautiful it is till one sees how many parts it is made of. The curve of the wheels, the shapely saddle, the angular handlebars and stem, the sturdy frame, shiny gears and crank, and other accessories make it complete. Or almost.

It made me see, how precious and fragile our faith in life, God and humanity is too, how multi-faceted it is, and how painstaking it can be to bring it to full maturity and completion.

Alas, there was a missing piece, due to be shipped in only in weeks, and so the bike-building was called off.

I was a little disappointed, yet not surprised. Something told me I too was not yet ready.

A tiny part called the adaptor was missing. It is something put inside the gears so the bicycle can function properly. It made me wonder, was there something in my life, a small thing, which was hindering my faith in life, in God, and in myself from being built properly too?

People who've trained with me long enough all tell me the same thing- you've got to have more faith in yourself, Wai Jia. Push. Very often, my perseverance falls short at the last leg, in the face of trials and difficulties, and I start to slow down, lose hope, due to a lack of faith in my own abilities. Hey, push yourself, I don't wanna see you drop out of the training pack. Push. Very often, I doubt myself and wonder if I would be a competent and respectable doctor, and start getting discouraged.

So when they told me the adaptor was missing, that they had to wait for weeks before it came in, it made me wonder what it was in my own life which hindered the maturation and completion of my own faith- in life, in God and myself.

Is there something missing in your life hindering the fullness of your faith too?

It could be a small thing, just like the adaptor. But it is enough to stop the entire bicycle from being built.

It reminded me, of the roots of bitterness I had allowed to grow in me, robbing me of the joy that I used to enjoy with certain friends, and spoiling the faith I had in the friendship; It reminded me, of the profound sense of inadequacy I sometimes have in other aspects of my life, which sports, especially cycling, is teaching me to overcome; It reminded me, of how fragile our lives really are, with perfection hanging everything in precarious balance, needing all the threads to work synchronously for the creation of a beautiful tapestry called faith.

Trials will always come our way to destroy what was meant to be built. Faith, can't be bought off the rack. It is multidimensional, muti-faceted, and one must take care of all aspects of it-spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, to be mature and complete.

"So you're telling me, that you can't build Faith today?

" We don't have the adaptor. It'll take some weeks to come, I don't know when either. But there's another option. If you want the bike to be built now, we can use another gearset. That one doesn't require an adaptor."

My friend, Al, an experienced and avid cyclist shot me a look I only knew too well. The gearset we were being offered obviously wasn't a reliable one. Al and J even asked me, "Do you really wanna get Faith? There're still other bicycles we can look at, you know."

But I had made up my mind. Our faith will always be tested. But perhaps, a little perseverance and patience, is all we need to bring it to full completion.

I thought about what happened last Saturday, about how excited and amazed my 7 year-old Sunday School children were when they heard my friends got the bicycle for me, how touched the other teachers were by the story that they asked me to stay back so I could tell the story to the next class, how it was so divine that the lesson for the week was about Praying With Faith (a summary of all the lessons of faith we had gone through in the past month), how 'coincidental' that the bible study we had 2 days ago was about God's faithfulness and the rainbow... and just felt that perhaps, there may be a reason for this all.

"No, it's okay," I said. "I'll wait for the adaptor. I'll wait for Faith to be built properly. Meanwhile I'll train on my current bike which is heavy, so it'll be good for training my legs, ha."

And so I learnt that day, that no matter how difficult it may be to re-build your faith in life, in certain friendships, in God even, it might just be worth it to exercise a little patience, because perserverance always pays off.

"You made a good choice to wait," said Al. "You're gonna face a whole set of problems if you use the gearset he's offering you. With the adaptor, you can get your Shimano 105, which is far more reliable. And your bike'll be more complete. "

So I'll wait. And meanwhile, think about the things in my life which hinder my faith from being built: why is it that when I reach that purifying state of suffering in cycling or running or swimming that I refuse to push myself any further because I think I won't make it, why is it that I become discouraged and offended when my insecurities are aroused, why is it I'm afraid of not having my prayers answered, afraid of being loved, afraid that I may never become the missionary doctor I dreamed of becoming.

So I'll wait. Faith, must be built, even if slowly.

What is stopping your faith from being built today?

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers,

whenever you face trials of many kinds,

because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be

mature and complete,

not lacking anything."

-James 1:2-4

Cling Loosely.

But at the end of the day, more than any material possession which brings us what we think is that elusive butterfly-winged creature called happiness, it is still this which brings us most joy:

Dear Wai Jia,

Greetings from cold Kathmandu!

Alisha, her mom and I are back in Nepal. Alisha is doing well, though her stomach is not. She is hearing a lot more sounds now. With her brothers and home speech therapy, she is even trying to speak. She is a little overly self-conscious about her own voice, please pray for her to overcome the self-consciousness.

Every few days, Alisha needs to use 3 small batteries for the processor of her hearing implant , the extra funds from S's mother (which she recently donated) will be helpful to cover the cost for the batteries and her future treatment.

Thank you very much.

Merry Christmas to you!

God bless....

Jo

And above all, perhaps one must always remember, in the face of gaining new possessions, to always live simply, love humbly, and cling loosely to all the things our eye can see.

"You are beautiful, but you are empty,"

the little prince went on.

"One could not die for you."

***

"And now here is my secret, a very simple secret:

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;

what is essential is invisible to the eye."

- the Fox from The Little Prince

by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Incline my heart to Your testimonies,

And not to covetousness.

Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things,

And revive me in Your way.

-Psalm 119:36

All you Need is Love.

So much love all around just made me want to laugh.

Josephine, the missionary's great love for the poor and her leap of faith to help a little girl like Alisha touched me so much that it became only right for me to give up the sum of money to her. What transpired between us touched my buddies so much that they spent weeks planning and scheming, pooling money and spare parts together as an outflow of their love to me, to give me what they had and so much more.

What they did amazed and touched my family so much that my family, initially immoveable, decided to contribute more so my buddies wouldn't have to give up so much of their own spare parts and items to build me a new bike: "It was a matter of principle that we didn't want to get Wai Jia a new bike. We gave her the money, she decided to give it away, and we wanted her to realise that she had to live with the consequences. But what you all did was really touching, touched us too... ... so we feel we shouldn't let you do this for her-we should be the ones buying it for her. It's different now."

Thank you for loving me by not splurging on me, for loving me enough to feel that standing firm on your principles to teach me life values is more important than giving in to my whims, even though it may take a greater effort. This is just one more reason why I love and respect you so much.

" Yes Uncle, but I want you to know, we're not splurging on Wai Jia. We only bought the main frame of Faith for her, and the rest are simply spare parts put together by the group of us because we aren't using them anymore... tyres, bottle cages, handlebars... It's just a small gesture on our part so don't feel bad. Everyone was very willing! Really! You can buy the groupset (gears) for her. "

"You really have friends who love you, Jia."

".... Yes."

And so the matter was settled, with love and a warm and fuzzy feeling all around.

As I walked J home nearing midnight, I asked her, "But why... I... I don't understand why you guys would go so far for me... It just blows my mind, you know... to even think you would come up with this..."


"Because you're different! You're just different."


"... ... Haha... ... and you all too, J. You guys are a very, very special lot to me. I don't know what to say... "


Love, when given out, just goes around and comes around.


Thank you God, for giving us hope always and Faith to me...


... but the greatest of these, must still be love.


"It's about time you got a new bike, Wai Jia. You deserve it."

Friends and my old bike

"And now these three remain:

faith, hope and love.

But the greatest of these is

love."

1 Cor 13:13

Her name is Faith.

I was in utter shock when it happened. I still am.

This is a long story, so take a breather before you start.

J took leave from work for me that day. "I just want to take you to have a look."

"But... I'm not buying anything, J... I... I can't. Anyway, I've class tomorrow. I'm happy already, I don't need anything."

"No buts. This time, I INSIST. I've taken leave already. And I'll arrange for JT to drive us around for the day. If you've class, we'll go during lunchtime."

“But..."

"Okay, see you tomorrow."

Maybe it was God's will, but my class at hospital got cancelled that day so we had the whole afternoon to ourselves. It was said that my professor had a homicide case to attend to- now what were the chances of that happening.

I can never understand why God chose to bless me with friends like them: J is a very busy woman, her leave is precious- and yet she chose to spend it on me. JT lives on the other side of the island, yet he drove all the way to the east to play chauffeur to J and I for the day. He's the same one who's always been ever so helpful to lend or give me his sports equipment whenever he saw I could do with an extra bike light, a hydration belt... Batman and Ds slow down to cycle with me so they can push me on, " What's important is you do your best every time and improve. "

They all knew about Alisha. They all knew why I wasn't getting a new bike anymore. They all saw how my current bike's brakepads and gears were giving up on me, and how it was just, too big. Apparently, J had a word with them all. None of them could bear seeing me leave the group so in spite of what had happened, they tried every way to make me stay.

Just when I had given up hope, my Sunday School class of 7 to 8 year-olds reminded me of the importance of prayer, of asking, and of being persistent and patient in waiting for answers. Just when I thought I wanted to quit cycling, my training buddies each went the extra mile for me and showed me how much they valued not my performance but me.

Deep down inside, I knew that it would be impossible to find a bicycle meant for me unless it was God's plan. I struggled. God, why is roadcycling so expensive? Is it wrong to enjoy the sport? Are you telling me to stop?

I wanted to block it out of my mind, immerse myself into reading biographies about missionaries so I wouldn't think about it.

Deep down, I knew that even with ten thousand dollars, I might never find the right bike if it was God's plan for me to stop the sport. If you really want me to continue, then I'll need a clear sign, God.

Some weeks back, JT told me about Soul. It was the name of a shop I'd never heard of before. It was 5 minutes away from church. They sold individual bike parts so there would surely be a fit for my too-long-legs and too-short-torso. It's not too popular only because it's a local brand, which means it wouldn't be too flashy. There was a model on discount. And the name of the bike?

Faith.

It was white, red and black- the same colour as the previous bike I had wanted and the only colour it comes in. When I saw it, I knew it was the one.

Weeks ago, JT had text-messaged me: "Found a model, Faith from this brand called Soul for you. Name sounds Christian too. Next time you can introduce yourself this way, 'Hi, I'm Wai Jia. My bike has soul and her name is Faith. Check it out online."


Kitesong is a book about dreaming big dreams and having the faith in God to do so.

I didn't buy the expensive bike I wanted with the money I had, against majority's advice- in an act of faith that God had a different plan which I didn't know about. (He spoke to me glaringly through a morsel of words which pierced me so deeply I knew I had to listen.) I gave up my cheque for Alisha in an act of faith that God would provide for both her needs and mine. When I did finally find a sponsor for her, the sponsor liked the draft for my 2nd book, A Taste of Rainbow, and its cause to help people suffering from depression and eating disorders, so much that she wanted to sponsor it- the first page of the book writes, "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.- Hebrews 11:1". The rainbow to me, represents God's promise to us, a culmination of our faith. The past few weeks of Sunday School lessons which I had been assigned to teach because the other teachers kept taking leave were all about teaching the kids the importance of praying with faith.

That night after JT told me about Faith, I visited the website I visit every night before I sleep and I had goosebumps all over me when I read the prayer passage for the day-it was about an unlikely gift and a girl named... Alisha.

Freaky, almost.

While training one day, it also suddenly hit me that the centrepiece hung in my room writes, "Without Faith, it is impossible to please God because anyone who comes to Him must believe He exists and rewards those who earnestly seek Him.- Hebrews 11:6"


I'd heard of swanky names like Trek, Giant, Cervelo, Orbea, Wilier... but Faith? Who'd name a bike that? And why hadn't I heard of it earlier?

Perhaps, God has his timing.

So when I saw it, I just... knew it was the one. God seemed to have answered part of my prayer. Some people had told me that about the relatively poor service they had received from the bike-designer but when I met him, we hit it off immediately- simply because he is an artist too. "I don't believe in God at all, but I named this design Faith after my late best friend because I wanted to believe he went to a better place. I don't usually tell people these things." I liked him immediately.

Just last Sunday, one of my sunday school children, little Sophia, sheepishly whispered into my ear. "Dear God, I pray for Jiejie Wai Jia that you help her in her coming exams and bless her with a bicycle. Amen." Thank you darling, I said. I couldn't see it happening but kissed her on her forehead anyway.

Part of my sadness came from my shame for liking roadcycling so much and for not being cool enough for making the sacrifice for Alisha. In the face of poverty and missions and humanitarian work, why should cycling matter. But a friend reminded me yesterday, that we love God in more ways than one, and we display His glory and wonder when we take the talents He’s blessed us with and pursue them with a spirit of excellence and a heart of purity and humility. Our love for God and people, can come in various forms. That is why we can delight God even in studying, in working, in art and sport and eating and drinking. That is why when the guilty woman poured a jar of expensive perfume on God and people scolded her for being wasteful because 'the money could have been given to the poor', God defended her. You know, I never understood that story till today. I always wondered how God could allow that.

The hardest lesson for me to learn was: The poor and the disadvantaged will always be important to God, but we need to recognise, that more importantly, we must live our lives the way He wants us to in every point in time. If it means studying in an expensive college to be the best doctor possible, then so be it. But one must have the right heart attitude. It's hard for me to learn that, because I grew up reading Mother Teresa.

More than just being about a stupid bicycle and a little girl's whining, I learnt, that this entire process was about character development and learning about God. I finally discovered, that I love to cycle not because of pride or ego, but truly, because of the friends I made through it, because of the life lessons this sport has taught me, because of how it has helped me find joy and recover and get on with my life so much better than before. I told J before, that if I hadn't met her through cycling, I would definitely have relapsed.

Faith, in both senses, helped me to realise that.

I learnt, that I could have happily ignored God and bought that very first bike I liked so much. But I would have set myself many steps back in terms of character growth. God's way in God's time is always best.

I learnt also, that it's okay to ask God, because like what I taught my 7 year-olds, the process of asking purifies our hearts' motives.

I learnt also, ha, that a sacrifice is a sacrifice. And I love my parents for not giving in to buying me a new bike because of the decision I made. Last night, they said to me, "Christmas is coming, so we're giving you a small sum of money. You can loan the rest from us if you need to and pay it back when you start working. Okay?"

I thanked them in gratitude, then sighed to myself. That was less than half of what Faith cost. And I knew, I would never have the peace to buy something so costly for myself. It's just, not right, and not for me. So close, yet so very far.

After seeing Faith, I thanked JT and J, "I don't know why you took leave from work for me even though you know I won't buy anything soon. But I want you to know I really enjoyed your company, and I've been encouraged to train better, haha. I've been happy riding on my current bike. And that's enough for me." I sighed and thanked God, because even though I didn't have Faith yet, seeing her gave me hope to believe that there was something out there meant for me.

Thank you J, JT, Batman and Ds. For being so encouraging regarding what I did for Alisha even though some have called me Foolish. For understanding why I can't see myself buying such an expensive item, because of the people I've met on past mission trips and because of my conviction that poverty today is caused by people buying too many things for themselves and not enough for others. Thank you for not telling me to save up because you know I could not forgive myself for getting a spanking-new bike. Thank you for being patient with me. For riding with me on this journey called life, for insisting when I resist, for pushing me when I pull back, for loving me and riding with me and for teaching me so much.

It was nice seeing Faith that day.

Sometimes, perhaps it is hard to imagine why God would take an interest in our lives. In the big scheme of things, why should my love for cycling matter? In the light of poverty, famine, wars and tragedy, why did this weigh heavy on me? I am learning, how God is not interested just to make us labour to serve the poor, but is interested in our lives, hearts and development, too.

The story doesn't end here.

After our training today, as we sat together to cool down and have a drink, J made an announcement.

"Ahem, ahem. Christmas is coming. And oh look, we're all in red and white today. Wai Jia, we are playing Santa Claus and we want to tell you a group of us have pooled together a sum of money and we got Faith for you. Your parents only need to pay for the groupset (gears)."

They didn't know that the sum of money my parents had given me was roughly the cost of the groupset.

I was in utter shock.

JT's text message, J's insistence on taking me to the bike shop, Batman and Ds' encouragement to me to keep training, their enthusiasm in askingaskingasking me about my preferences and insistence I had to train with them today... ... suddenly all made sense. I didn't know, but they'd been plotting and scheming and conspiring behind my back for a long time.

All this while, I never believed they would do something like this. It was surreal. I thought they were just trying to psycho me into getting a bike for myself.

" Just touched by your act of kindness."

" The honour is mine."

" You certainly deserved it."

After a good ten minutes of me burying my head in my hands from shock, I finally found the strength to snap out of my speechless stupor to utter, "Thank you... thank you so much guys. This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me in my life."

We took a photo together with my old bike. As we got onto our bikes, I said, "Guys, is today the 19th?"

"Yeah."

"Wow... You won't believe this. I... I... got my current bike last year on... the 19th of December, too."

Silence.

"So... it's about time!" Al said. They all laughed.

"I don't how to thank you... I really don't."

"Just... pay it forward, Wai Jia. When someone else has a need, pay it forward."

As I wheeled my bike home still engulfed in utter disbelief, in a state of paralysed shock, I looked at the grey sky and remembered what the missionary looking after Alisha said- that I would get my bike because God isn't a scrooge. She always taught me that God would honour what we did for Him. I laughed into the cloudy sky and said aloud, "You win, God. You win, hands down."

Then a large rainbow-coloured umbrella caught my eye.

A rainbow. In the bible, it means God's promise. In my book called A Taste of Rainbow, the rainbow represents a culmination of...

... Faith.


So you ask me how come I know God is real.

I just... do.

Thank you JT, Al, Batman, Ds, E, and

most of all, thank you J.

This is the sweetest thing anyone has done for me in my entire life.

I still can't believe what happened.

More than cycling, you taught me life lessons of love, humility

and showed me the beauty of friendship.

I could never thank you enough.

So to those of you struggling with prayer

or issues of faith in your personal lives,

don't be afraid to ask.

Surely God cares about

the poor and the needy and the hungry and the homeless,

but it's amazes and blows my mind to know that

He also cares

and has time, energy and love

for you

and your little everyday struggles.

They matter to him because

they grow your character,

and that precious little thing,

called Faith.

And thank you God,

for showing me how consistent and amazing You are,

how you are ever so faithful to your promises.

Thank you for speaking to me

through words, people, names and umbrellas,

for loving me in a way that simply blows my mind,

for using cycling to heal me physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Thank you for angels,

for Faith.

"Faith is being certain of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

-Hebrews 11:1

"Without Faith,

it is impossible to please God

because anyone who comes to Him must believe He exists

and rewards those who earnestly seek Him.

- Hebrews 11:6"