23rd Birthday.

This birthday is the best one I've ever had. Although it was on Wednesday, showers of blessing rained down since Monday, all through the week till the weekend. This birthday has been the biggest breakthrough for me in so many ways- physically, emotionally and spiritually. And I want to thank each of you for being a part of my journey thus far.

On Monday, a public institution, two established foundations and my publisher gave their full support for A Taste of Rainbow, the book I had written in June 2007 about faith, hope and courage, to raise funds and awareness for people struggling with depression and disorders from self-esteem issues. The first page of the book begins with Hebrews 11:1- "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." In June 2007, I saw a rainbow in the sky just moments after I had finished the first draft of the book.

A rainbow is God's promise. On Monday, I saw a glimpse of that reality.

On the same day, Faith, the bicycle, was built. Faith is a gift from my friends and family, put together by them because of how they had been moved by God who gave the money meant for my new bike to Alisha, a 4-year old deaf Nepalese girl who was $20'000 short. It was because of this giving that I met Ms K, a lady behind a huge foundation who was passionate not only to pay off all of Alisha's medical costs, but to fully sponsor A Taste of Rainbow.

The connections, revelations and lessons gleaned from this story blows my mind to this day, still.
On Tuesday, my friends came down specially with me to be fitted onto Faith. We were ecstatic. They even brought down their huge SLR cameras to capture the special moment. Interestingly, Faith still had a few tweaks to undergo.



On Wednesday, Faith was finally ready. And I wondered if God might have had a hand in it, simply because He makes things so perfect, to have me collect Faith on my birthday.


That night, around 30 friends came to my home. Many breakthroughs happened that night. Using a projector, I shared with them a presentation I'd put together to share with them my life journey with God. I entitled it "Finding Faith." It was about Kitesong, my illness, A Taste of Rainbow, Ophthalmology, Alisha and of course, my bicycle and my eventual recovery. For the first time, I could be strong enough to talk about this entire experience and about God's faithfulness in front of a watchful and fairly large audience. For A Taste of Rainbow to be truly effective in reaching patients, youth-at-risk and the public-at-large, my publisher said I had to be ready in being open with my Story.

That night, was my first step to being brave to share my Story face to face with people. In the past, I could only write but never talk about it much.

A Taste of Rainbow is a story about having the courage to confess one's weaknesses and to get help. It is a story about a little girl who loses, and then finds her mouth.

On my 23rd birthday, on a Wednesday evening in front of about 30 people, I found my mouth. And when I spoke, I felt God's pleasure.

my friends listening

Grandpa Zhou came too, and, with everyone clapping and singing and playing the guitar according to his tunes song after song, he overcame his feelings of inferiority. It was a breakthrough for him, too.

Grandpa Zhou doing what he does best.

Everyone enjoying his singing

In addition, my friends supported Qing (a patient who had been disfigured when she was 14 by her elder sister's boyfriend) by buying the handmade flowers she had made. That meant receiving many more cards, far fewer things I didn't need, and almost $200 for her- that made me very happy. I love cards.

On Thursday, I met someone who was interested in reprinting Kitesong to raise funds to build a school in India for needy children. I might be sent there this June to visit the kids.

Suddenly, I realised that God's promise to me was true. That I guess, perhaps He has a plan for me in writing and painting.

On Friday, I acknowledged that God had blessed me above and beyond what I could ever ask. I decided that with my bicycle Faith, I ought to honour God's faithfulness to me by being even more prudent and disciplined about my spending. I had just decided I no longer wanted to buy any more unecessary sporting apparel (trisuit, biking jersey etc) when I received a call to meet a friend at the train station.

That night, I received the triathlon suit I had tried on a week ago and liked but couldn't bring myself to buy. The special stranger's gesture made me think twice and thrice. Eventually I concluded I was vain. It was on discount, but still, a hundred and fifty dollars- a sum that would sponsor 3 children's living expenses for a month in Andra Pradesh, India. My friend said he knew the shop owner and would be able to get a bigger discount on an item I fancied. Stupidly, I believed him. I never expected he would buy it for me. One hundred and fifty dollars. I was speechless.

On Saturday, I invited my friends who had got Faith for me to my place for dinner. I cooked, as a gesture of gratitude and thanks. What I didn't expect was how they continued to lavish me with gifts- an expensive strawberry cake, new tyres for my new wheels, ear-plugs for my swim training, and... ...

I buried my head in my hands. I had only removed a corner of the blue wrapping when I stood stoned. It was the new team cycling jersey, the one I'd been planning to get since January but just kept delaying because I thought that with a new bike, I ought to spend less. I felt it was too much to be spending so much money in such a short span of time. I felt I didn't need a second cycling jersey.

They got it for me because "you only have one right? Whatcha gonna do if you wanna ride on consecutive days?" and "See, this one matches your bike well. Right colour and size, yes?"

I wanted to cry and flip and laugh, all at the same time. But I was too shocked. They put Faith together for me, and now are buying things for me that match her.

This Sunday morning I woke up and saw signs of bad skin again. I biked, ran and swam yesterday and knew the cruelty of the unmerciful sun on my sensitive skin. Many months ago, a lady at church, Aunty M, treated me to a series of facial treatments at the high-end boutique shop she owned simply because "I just want to bless you, Wai Jia. I want to see God's radiance on your face."

Of late, I had decided to stop going because I felt bad about the whole thing. I woke up this morning, knowing my skin would only worsen from today on because training would be ramped up in preparation for the OSIM triathlon.

I was about to leave church when she caught me and held my hand, "Wai Jia, I want you come back SIX more times in 6 months. I just want to take care of you and see your skin perfectly cleared. Okay?"

6 months. That's just about the length of time I might be training for the Olympic distance triathlon.

It amazed me, truly, to see how God always keeps His promises, how He really knows our every need and takes best care of us. I remember when He gave the money for my new bike away to Alisha, Aunty Ay told me: God is no man's debtor. You will never need more than He can supply.

This week, I saw God's grace and abundance in my life. For all my grumbling and inability to give completely joyfully to Alisha (I was crushed and anguished for a long time), I didn't deserve a new bike at all. Yet He gave me not only a brand-new one, but the love of friends and family, and more importantly, a Story of Faith to tell.

For all my rebellion, faintheartedness and doubt, A Taste of Rainbow should very well have been trashed. Yet, God saved it, and in His perfect time, allowed its progress and I believe, will allow its complete fruition.

For all my materialism and vanity, I most certainly don't deserve to be pampered. Yet, God blessed me through angels and friends, and I received item after item which would allow me not only to complete a triathlon but to complete it with the whole set-up, trisuit and all. It blows my mind. I have never had so many thoughtful gifts in so short a time in my entire life.

Surely, this is far, far more than what God demanded for Alisha. He asks for all, only because He gives all. And His all is surely more than ours. Surely, none of this would have happened if I had ignored Him to buy the beau I first set my worldly eyes upon.

And above all,
God blessed me with friends.
Friends who accept and encourage me,
who've walked with me hand in hand,
and who love me precisely for what I've been through,
and for the way I am.

Thank you for walking with me,

on this journey of faith.

Thank you God,

for the most memorable birthday.

"Bless the Lord, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits."

-Psalm 103:2

Examing my Faith.

It's one thing to say you believe in something. And quite another to actually do it.

Like me, do you find yourself inconsistent, too? Telling yourself how terrible it is to be a spendthrift, then buying the next thing which catches your fancy; teaching your younger brother how terrible it is to lie, then telling a white one yourself; nodding your head to forgiveness then finding it so very hard to let go of a past hurt.

It got me thinking.

My next triathlon is coming up. I will be trying my first sprint distance, which is half the Olympic distance. Hence, I had been keeping a lookout for an affordable tri-suit on discount. A trisuit is a kind of amphibean attire many triathletes choose to wear for their swim, bike and run. I finally found 2 I liked, of which I would buy one. Thinking about what I had read about The Power of Half, I felt justified since they were on 30% and 60% discount.

I don't know why I still couldn't buy it.

There is a concept called The Power of Half. And then, I thought, there's also God' s kind of power- the Power of All. Do I really need a trisuit. Sure, it's more comfortable, it looks better. After all, the price is slashed. But slashed or not, it still is ridiculously expensive, for a piece of apparel I will only wear a few times a year, for a less embarrassing appearance on other people's facebook pages at the end of my race. I'm only doing this for fun and to stay healthy.

I remember, it was the day before my birthday that I received the email from the beautiful stranger, who wanted to donate all his money received over the Lunar New Year to me to support whatever cause I wanted. And as I thought about it, tears welled up in my eyes.

On my birthday, the prayer devotional for the day was about being consistent. The book writes: Is your faith consistent with your way of life?

That line struck me. I understood it on 2 levels. One, are my values and my belief in God consistent with my behaviour? Two, how is my bicycle Faith reflected in my life?

I wanted a bicycle. I found a bicycle. My father gave me money for Christmas. God gave my money away to a 4-year old girl who needed to hear more than I needed to bike. I was sad. Then many little miracles happened. And Faith, the bicycle arrived on my birthday. It was perfect, far more perfect than the previous bicycle I had set my heart on. And as if God had had a hand in the whole thing, Faith was ready exactly on my birthday.

Faith, the bicycle, was only possible, is only beautiful because she reminds me of what it means to give and to obey totally, sacrificially and abandonedly. I read today, that no material possession is worth sacrificing the display of God's grace. In God's world, there is no room for a desperate attachment to things, and when given the opportunity to show what is really important to us, we must take it. Things, offer us nothing we don't already have. There comes a time where we must decide which is more important to us, a defense of our possessions on earth or a hope in our eternal treasures in heaven.

It made me think, do I value my possessions more than God's way? Do I really live and behave in a way that shows I believe God supplies more than I need?

That email brought to my mind the pain involved in having to give something I wanted up. My eyes soured at the memory of it. I thought of how God turned the whole situation around for me and blessed me with the love of friends and family and their very sweet gesture, I thought about what the stranger wrote to me about his friend being impacted by that whole ordeal and then suddenly... I just didn't want to buy anything anymore.

Days before my birthday, I found a place which straightens hair for a third of the market price. I had planned to do it, after being tired of having my hair made fun of, then after reading that article, thought to myself it was really silly and unecessary to do so. Do I really need a trisuit? Do I really need straight hair. Silly girl.

You know, if you add up all of Faith's parts, she actually is quite expensive. That sobered me, because although she is a beautiful gift, it made me think about how this would affect my choices in future. Would I want even more things, or would this blessing teach me to be even more thankful for what I have.

You won't believe this, but right about 2 paragraphs before this point while I'm blogging, my swim coach/ elder brother/friend whom I affectionately call "Huncle" (think a mishmash of Hunk and Uncle because he really is quite a hulk) calls me to tell me he wants to meet me at the train station. And just about 20 minutes ago, gave me that exact trisuit I had tried on that day. I had put it under reservation, and he'd gone to get it for me.

I feel like I'm having my birthday all week. I get the message, God. I really do.

You win, God, you win. You expect all, only because you give all. The biggest lesson I'm learning, is no matter how much we have, and how much we are blessed, in God's world, there is no room to be attached to possessions.

Faith, the bicycle, reminds me, that instead of being a symbol of extravagance, it really is a symbol of God's provision and sufficiency when we dare to give all and set our eyes heavenward. Faith is beautiful, but at the end of the day, it is still what it is- a possession, a chunk of metal, something which will fade away with the things of this world. Things may come under our stewardship, but our eyes must always have that faraway glimmer in them, always looking not at the visible, and not at our possessions, but at the invisible, the divine, and the things which truly matter in this world.

" Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity;

and quicken thou me in thy way."

-Psalm 119:37

"Examine the relationship between your faith and your way of life.

Are they consistent? Are God's words your driving force?

God will be God of all

or He will not be God at all."

-One Year At His Feet Devotional by Chris Tiegreen,

24 February

* Wai Jia had the most wonderful birthday gathering this year and wants to thank you all for making it very special for her. Grandpa Zhou also had a ball of a time. She will write about it soon.

How much I want to own a blackberry storm 9520!!!Support Support!!

Dear Readers,

I just had so little rest last night that sitting infront of the computer right now is a luxury! Anyway for those of you who don't know, I spent the whole morning writing a blog post (a huge determintation from me seriously to just BLOG!!). I just written a post to tell how much I want to own a blackberry.

So if you missed it, its one post below this or simply click here. I hope you guys can support as much as you can!

WISH ME LUCK GUYS!!!

For those of you who don't know the blackberry i'm talking about looks like this and its not the kind of phone i can just buy without risking myself eating peanuts for the rest of my life. 

Hope you guys enjoyed the post! 

For those of you who also would like to try your luck like I just did, the contest ends today.

The Details can be found here.

Why I want to own a BlackBerry® Storm™ 9520 from Celcom!

For the longest time of not befalling to any form of peer pressure,

or reasons like why President of the United States Barack Obama is holding a blackberry

or why celebrities are carrying a blackberry which must be cool or else why hold one??

or why even some people love their blackberry over their girlfriends,

I just never managed to get into my head how is this blackberry any better than my trusted old phone that STILL can make phone calls, STILL can SMS, and STILL can take pictures.

I mean I have seen so many new phones come out every year pass by me, like how a pretty girl would just catch your attention and before you know it, you would just forget about her when another prettier girl passes by.

What i'm trying to say is, How is the Blackberry gonna be any different??

Well guys, all I can just say is this....

After what i've been through and knowing how much this Blackberry can do, owning my trusted and currently used phone right now would look like i'm driving a diesel car that emits poisonous gas that is dull and boring

while others are already driving Electric Cars that would continue to save the planet so that the generations and the generations after us would be able to enjoy the world we live in.

There's just so much painn right now...

PAINNNN!!! that every second of owning and looking at my phone right now feels like owning a gameboy that can only pay tetris

when everyone else is onto something like PSP that you can control Ronaldo kicking a football?

SO, LET ME TELL YOU WHY I WANT A BLACKBERRY SOO MUCH NOWWWW!!!

Not just any Blackberry

But a Blackberry Storm 9520 which is up for grabs from Celcom.  

Now i've not owned a Blackberry Storm 9520 to fully tell you what this phone can do, I mean if i did than I wouldn't have blogged about wanting to own one would i??lol..

Let me start with some photos that I found on the internet (the best I can do right now) that would blow my currently used phone away to a nearby monsoon drain where it will sink slowly like King Arthurs sword.

Picture 1 - Are you Kidding me??

Picture 2- Are you Serious???

Picture 3- That's just CRAZY!!!

I thought these are the kind of things you only see on movies that don't exist!!No keyboard, just touch-screen!!THAT'S MADNESS!!

Then of course there are the other things that I learnt about the blackberry along the way like...

When we go to Starbucks, my friend would seem like HE IS forever chatting with someone on the phone leaving me to look like I have not made friends in my entire life.

It won't be long when social pressure would soon sink-in that I would whip out my phone (since we're not talking anyway),

and I would psychologically wonder, hmmm what can my phone can do? Oh Right..SMS!!!

The blackberry gets him connected to MSN messenger, Blackberry Messenger, and all other types of messenger that keeps him occupied with his phone. And with a Celcom XPAX Prepaid line,

He is connected all the time at the cheapest rate offered in town!!

Then there are times when we're stuck in a traffic-jam where the blackberry would come in handy to occupy the time. Facebook surfing during traffic jams with blackberry is a favourite traffic-jam getaway in the car. Aww just love this thing. I suppose if i was in a traffic-jam I would be occupied with the JAM???

Even going to toilet has become more entertaining. You can play music, enjoy a good chat, and surf the net. All while u're doing your private business at the comfort of your toilet seat or having a nice long foam bath. You're just always connected no matter what!!!

Now here's an important point that I really want a blackberry soo much which is this..

The way how people with the blackberry make you feel like they belong from a different planet, something which I find it REALLY cool. They use codes that look like this to add one another.

Codes that look like alien language that apprently identifies your device or in actual fact, the person!!!One just has to display their code on the phone just like this while the other scans the picture. It just feels sooo strongly communicated. Like a MARK of FRIENDSHIP!!

And then there's also the unlimited amount of messaging that can be done through the load of messenger applications. With my current phone, I am left without a choice but to SMS. Everyone who wants to contact me will cost money. Everyone whom I want to contact, will cost money. Let me put it this way, at the moment while everyone is communicating free with one another through their Blackberrys, communicating with Mr. Gin will cost you money. How's that for a very friendly approach!!

SO, I hope after hearing all that I've gone through.............

PLEASSSEEE!!

I MEAN PLEASSEEEEEE DON'T LET ME LIVEEE ANOTHER DAY WITHOUT A BLACKBERRY!!

There's just so many benefits of having a blackberry Storm 9520 that saying it in words alone will simply not end.

But if I had the Blackberry Storm 9520 maybe I could twitter about it at a later time with the 7.2mbps storming internet speeds that i've read about or show pictures on facebook with my 3.4mega pixel camera and 32gb space and..........................................................................................

I REALLY WANT TO OWN A BLACKBERRY STORM 9520!!!! and hope the Storm will come by my way that will change the way how I do things and experience a whole new world. I am definitely sure why Celcom would be the best Storm-tastic place to get a BlackBerry® Storm 9520 because they are Malaysia's Telco brand of the year

and let's face it..

Who was giving fantastic Deals, with 50% off on the phone on 5th February 2010??? CELCOM!!!

Who is giving a Sale from January to March so that everyone can own a Blackberry??CELCOM!!!

Besides who is giving TWO (2) Celcom BlackBerry® Storm™ 9520 GENEROUSLY AWAY to blog and win a chance of a lifetime of owning one?????CELCOM!!


p/s: Thank you for reading!!I hope i'm not too late to own one. I know i'm too close to the storming deadline but I hope u'll take the time to read my post. Hope you enjoy reading it!!

You made my day.

I was rather nervous.

Today was the day Faith was ready for me to have a bike fit. This means one finally gets on the bike to custom-fit it according to one's anatomy. As I took in the reality of finally being able to see her, I started to think about what owning something expensive meant. Would it change me. What did it mean.


Just as I mulled over that thought, I received an email from a stranger. He wanted to donate all the auspicious hongbao or red-packet money he had received over the Chinese New Year to whatever cause I was supporting. (Red packet money is money unmarried people receive from older relatives, as a form of blessing for the new lunar year.)

Hi Wai Jia,

You do not know me but perhaps you know my girlfriend, J. I mentioned to her that I wanted to donate my hongbao money somewhere this year and she suggested I look you up...

He went on to share with me the story of how his friend who wanted to spend money buying two musical instruments for himself had been impacted and challenged by what God had told me to do for Alisha. It was then that tears started to roll down my cheeks, because I knew deep down inside, that it wasn't me who gave the money up, but the power of God working in my heart. I wouldn't have had the strength otherwise.

Suddenly, I remembered the pain that sacrifice involved, and caught a glimpse of the extent of the sacrifice God made for us when He had to give up what was most precious to Him simply because of His love for us.

Therefore, I am moved to contribute money to your cause. My commitment this year is to donate all of the hongbao money that I receive. As part of my commitment, I have not yet opened up the hongbaos so I will not be tempted to keep it for myself. So I actually do not know how much I am donating, but I trust that what ever the amount, it will go some way in helping someone.

This is the first time anyone has written to me for a request such as this. I am amazed, moved and incredibly inspired, too.

Thank you for your trust, for reminding me of what it means to give and to give sacrificially. Thank you for making my birthday week extra special. You have made a difference in my life, too.

God is no man's debtor. Just remember that.

"As he looked up, God saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury.

He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins.

"I tell you the truth," he said,

"this poor widow has put in more than all the others.

All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth;

but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on."

-Like 21:1-4

Finding Faith.

Ever since I could remember, I have always wanted to write and illustrate books. When I was four, I made storybooks from string, paper and crayon.

It's like waiting foolishly for a rainbow underneath the darkest raincloud, with nothing but the pelting onslaught to mock you for your stupidity.

Have you ever had a dream that you thought might never come true? Even though you felt God had promised you so?

When Kitesong was published to raise funds for needy children in Nepal, I remember very clearly being very stunned. I remember, that it started off as a naive, foolish idea. My closest loved ones, fearing I would have my tall dreams shattered at too young an age, advised me, "No one will read a book written by an 18 year-old. Wait till you graduate."

But then, I met people who dared to take risks, people who believed in a God who had a penchant for using those with blind faith, people who gave me a chance. I met my publisher, and then my life was never the same again.

"Faith, is being sure of what you hope for, and certain of what you do not see."- Hebrews 11:1. I had nothing but that promise to hang on to for hope.

After I saw how real God was, saw the 6-figure sum raised from the book, and finally, saw the children move into the new orphanage last August, I told myself, that we can doubt ourselves, but never the power of prayer, of faith, and of God.

Today, my rainbow came true.

Four years ago, I fell prey to the biggest illness in my life. Ill for 2 whole years, life was... excruciating. Two and a half years ago, I wrote my 2nd book called A Taste of Rainbow, a book about faith and courage to seek help, about my recovery, praying that it would be used to raise awareness for people with depression and Ed. I prayed. I knocked on doors. I did every conceivable thing to push the project forward. But nothing happened.

Why God, why? I still remember that day. I had finished the first draft of the book when I saw a rainbow in the sky. That rainbow was all I held onto, as I prayed continually and persistently for the fruition of this book.

For almost three years, nothing happened. Or so it seemed.

Three years was what it took for God to break, build and mould me. I remember, on my knees in tears at church one day, someone came to tell me, "You aren't in the season of bearing fruit yet because there is still a season of Pain you have yet to walk through. No fruit will be borne- yet. But when it does, it will be on schedule, in God's time, and you will be so amazed. You will be so amazed."

God has His timing.

Three years later, finally healthy and relapse-free, just 2 days before my birthday, my rainbow -finally- came through.

Today is a special day. The team from the General Hospital, representatives from 2 established foundations and my publisher came to meet me. There were 7 of us around the table, and each of them wanted to support A Taste of Rainbow. Each of them are powerhouses in their own communities, each of them a person with a heart of gold to help and impact their world around them.

"We truly believe in its cause."

"It'll be fully funded."

"Our hope is to help as many people too, Wai Jia. Just call whenever you're ready."

Whenever I was ready. They said, I could tell them whenever I was ready, and it would be published.

"Faith, is being sure of what you hope for, and certain of what you do not see."- Hebrews 11:1. Those words are the first page of the book.

It amazed me to know that on the day that happened, my roadbike (its model really is called Faith) was built too. Today, J and I walked past the bicycle shop 2 minutes from home, even though it had closed, and looked at Faith in the showcase from afar. My wheelset is still not shipped in yet, so she lent me her wheels.

Just like how A Taste of Rainbow took time to come to fruition, my roadbicycle needed time to be built too. I learnt, that faith is like that, it cannot be rushed.

Just like how A Taste of Rainbow is being supported by so many organisations and people because it really is a large-scale project, my roadbicycle needs J's wheels and my friend, Batman's seatpost, to be complete too. I learnt, that very often, we need one another to build up our faith.

Just like how A Taste of Rainbow was inspired from heaven, my roadbicycle, too, was a divine blessing. I learnt, that truly, the world can mock us in our agony for our naivete, but faith- not in ourselves but in something more divine, something bigger out there- never disappoints.

Just before we left, my publisher passed me the draft of my 3rd book. "I like it. I really like this one. We just need to find a vehicle for it. "

This birthday, will truly be one of the most memorable ones.

Thank you all, and thank you God- for making dreams come true, and for helping me Find Faith.

* with Special thanks to EK and Aunty An, for the birthday gift,

and for giving me a chance to write and paint,

like I have always dreamed of doing

since I could hold a pencil.

Birthday Wish.

I never quite understood how people could wake up one morning discovering they had become someone they didn't know. I mean, weren't you always in your own skin? Don't we look at ourselves in the mirror daily?

As I turn 23, look back on the person I used to be, have become and am becoming, I think I finally understand a little of what that means.

2 weeks into my Ophthalmology elective and being exposed to the glamorous, luxurious life of rich and powerful doctors, I find my flesh, occasionally, gravitating towards that magnetic charm of the life a high-flying doctor could have. One's worldly eye becomes drawn to the high technology, the comfortable lifestyle and the power to buy worldly possessions. Suddenly, I understood how day in day out, this materialism could rub off on you. Suddenly, I understood how one could be sucked into a vortex of covetousness and greed, and conform to one's surroundings.

I learnt, how it is not only possible, but perhaps even very likely I could become someone I vowed I never even would dream of becoming. I realised, that unless one makes a conscientious everyday effort to swim against the grain of the norm, one could easily wake up one day not recognising the man or woman in the mirror.

3 days before collecting my new roadbike, Faith, (the one my friends' bought for me behind my back and which my parents helped to bring to completion), I found myself strangely disturbed. How did I end up owning something so expensive? With more time spent riding, would I become self-absorbed, spending less time doing community work and loving the weak and the poor? What does this mean- have I become superficial and materialistic? Although God had allowed a twist of events to occur to assure me of His divine intervention to bless me with Faith, I also began to see how it could stumble, distract and ruin me.

I learnt, how it is not only possible, but perhaps even very likely I could become someone selfish, materialistic and spoilt. I realised, that unless I continually looked intently at my actions, consecrated every ride and every purchase to God, and put my personal faith into action, I could easily become fast, self-centred, extravagant and conceited.

4 days before my birthday, I found myself pensive. Am I becoming the person I wanted to be when I was little?

I am afraid, of how medicine, and materialism might roll me under. I am afraid, of forgetting about missions and the true meaning of medicine.

Nonetheless, there is hope.

On the second day of my Ophthalmology posting, I bumped into Zhang Qing at the hospital. As coincidence or divine appointment would have had it, her doctor was my personal mentor.

Zhang Qing is a 20-year old girl from China who had acid poured all over face by her elder sister's boyfriend when she was 14 years old. She has only one eye- where the other eye should have been, is a pore oozing with a little pus. Her only eye is now almost blind. She has two-thirds of a nose, a crooked mouth, and a face mostly made up of large overlapping keloids. She comes to Singapore once every few months because Dr. Tan LY, a well-known Singaporean missionary doctor, flies her in ever so frequently for hospital checkups. Because of him, funds could be raised for her multiple operations to save her skin, face and eyes. Because of him, she came to know God, accept her plight and walk bravely on with life. Because of God and him, she has new hope for her future.

For my birthday this wednesday, I invited a large group of friends to my place. Then, we will be selling beautifully handcrafted cloth flowers Zhang Qing made to raise funds for her. Even in her situation, she has hopes to raise money for not only herself, but for needy victims at the Rahabilitation Centre back in Kunming, China. Dr. Tan has been such a great support to her and many other needy patients from forgotten places in the world.

In Dr. Tan, I see the kind of doctor I would like to be.

I remember, Zhang Qing grasped my hands that day and prayed aloud for me in mandarin, "Dear God, I pray that you will help Wai Jia be the best eye doctor she can ever be. Help her to help a multitude of people."

I learnt, that whatever I have learnt, and am learning now about life and missions, God and the poor, I must put into action. Unless faith translates into deed, it is only but head knowledge, utterly useless to the world.

Yesterday as my training buddies and I were training, I biked at the fastest speed I had ever biked before. It would be my last ride with my current bike before Faith comes. Uncle J came up to me and chuckled, "If you're so fast now on a 7-speed bike, you'll be soaring with wings like eagles on your new 10-speed bike! You'll run and not be weak!" I laughed at his amusing biblical allegory, before quoting a biblical scripture in return, "Ah, but pride comes before a fall."
I was reminded, that unless our values and faith are put into action, they are but like a stationary bicycle, useless. Unless one rides Faith and pedals it hard, Faith is only but a chunk of aluminium.

Faith, must be exercised. Excuse the pun.

Uncle J was one of those who had helped me improve greatly. Even though he was in the fastest pack and always had a huge race to train for, he always watched my back, always encouraged me, always slowed down to look after me, even if the rest of the pack had zoomed off and I was the only one left behind. He was one of the main conspirers who had suggested the idea to get me a new roadbike behind my back and brought Faith to completion. Today, for the first time, I overtook him. He was pleased.

I text messaged him to thank him for being such a big blessing to me, for teaching me to be more generous with my time and money, as he had done for me, and even more so when my new bike comes.

" One of life's greatest joys is to help another. If you feel blessed, I guess I have done my part," was his reply.

In Uncle J, I see the kind of training buddy and sportsperson I hope to become.

5 nights ago as I sat down with Grandpa Zhou and he gave me a gold packet as a tradition for the Chinese New Year, he wrote on it an elegant couplet he had thought of. In essence, it meant that he thought I was someone who helped others and had a heart like God's.

At that moment I wanted to cry, not as much because I was touched as much as it was because I knew how terribly far it was from the truth. Didn't he know I got angry and impatient with people, patients too? Didn't he know I was proud and full of myself at times, especially when I was busy? Didn't he know that sometimes being a medical student gets into my head? Did he not know that once upon a time I despised and was scornful of him too?

And so, this birthday, my prayer is to be able to wake up each morning knowing the person under my skin, and the face in the mirrow. I pray, that that person would become a doctor not of wealth and power, but of simplicity and humility, a sportsperson not of pride and conceit, but of grace and consideration for the weak, and a person, not of malice and covetousness but one of faith, hope and love.

I pray that like my new bicycle, Faith, which will come soon, my faith, too, may be used, translated and exercised, powerfully and purposefully, to bless the people around me.

That is my birthday wish this year.

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves.

Do what it says.

Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says

is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and,

after looking at himself, goes away and

immediately forgets what he looks like.

But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom,

and continues to do this,

not forgetting what he has heard,

but doing it—

he will be blessed in what he does."

-James 1:22-25

Why I Love my Sunday School kids.

"JIEJIE (big sister) WAI JIA, HOW OLD ARE YOU?"

"Twenty-two. And turning twenty-three this Wednesday."

"HUH? REAAALLEEEE? I thought you were MUCH YOUNGER."

I laugh. "Like how old?"

"Like... LIKE TEN YEARS OLD!!!"

So, antioxidants do have their benefits.

Finding My Half.

It's not everyday one reads an article in the newspaper that leaves one changed, never the same.

There was an article in The Sunday Times last week written by Nicholas D. Kristof from The New York Times: Kevin Salwen, a writer and entrepreneur in Atlanta, was driving his 14-year old daughter, Hannah, back from a sleepover in 2006. While waiting at a traffic light, they saw a black Mercedes coupe on one side and a homeless man begging for food on the other.

"Dad, if that man had a less nice car, that man there could have a meal," Hannah protested. The light changed and they moved on, but Hannah was too young to be reasonable. She pestered her parents about inequity, insisting that she wanted to do something.

"What do you want to do?" her mum responded. "Sell our house?"

And sell the house they did. Selling their luxurious family home, they donated half the proceeds to charity and used the other half to buy a more modest replacement home. The crazy, impetuous and inspiring project is chronicled in a book due to be published, entitled The Power of Half.

The family eventually pledged US$800'000 to sponsor health, microfinancing, food and other programmes for about 40 villages in Ghana. Hannah, a high-school junior hoping to become a nurse, says, " Everyone has too much of something, whether it's time, talent or treasure. Everyone does have their own half, you just have to find it."

The article brought me many months back when God made it very plain and clear that I'd to give Alisha the money meant for the new roadbike I had been praying and yearning for. It helped me to see how our wants can cost someone else their need; It taught me, that loving God and people requires sacrifice at times; More importantly, the article challenged me to consider, that our characters may be judged not only by what we give away, but also, by what we have and keep.

My new bike, called Faith, is finally coming. The adaptor finally came. And though we're still waiting for the wheels to be shipped in, my dear friend has decided to lend me hers in the meantime so Faith can be ready by my birthday next week. Over Chinese New Year, we have been buying many things, shopping around for affordable parts to build Faith from scratch. If it had not been for the fact that my friends bought the bike frame for me, and my parents were so touched by their gesture that they insisted on paying for the rest of it instead of allowing my friends to donate their bike parts to me, I think it would have been utter agony trying to buy a bicycle for myself.

These wheels could buy an orphanage a television set. The groupset/gears could sponsor five African children's education for a year. The installation cost could buy 30 kids a meal they would never forget. Reality is stark, even in our society of instant gratification.

I have been lucky. Blessed beyond words. Some days I wake up knowing I deserve none of it, and that the day will come where I start working and can no longer rest in the luxury of daddy's pampering. There will come a day where nothing but conscience and the steel of will would stand in the way of myself and an extra pedicure, a more expensive piece of clothing, a better bike. There will come a day I can no longer rest in blissful ignorance, and will have to make choices against my natural will. And that would be the true test of character.

Would I have the heart to find my half to give away?

I am glad God worked things out, bringing me back to Ophthalmology in a roundabout way. I know, if it had not been so, I would forever despise myself and doubt my sincerity for the subject. Now, I finally see my genuine love for it, though the glamour factor, the comfort and the prestige of the specialty will forever remain a potential snare, and an evil temptation. Even the doctors themselves admit this specialty is a particularly worldly one.

Someday, I would make my own money. Chances are, if I do surgery which I love, I may even have more than I require. But perhaps, it is not how much I make, but how much I give away that determines my standing with God. Perhaps, it is not even how much I give away, but what I keep for myself that does so.

And it humbles me to know that God is teaching me about these things, even now, so I understand the meaning of prudence, self-control and gratitude. I have been challenged of late to look at not only what I give away, but what I buy, consume and own.

It has been, to say the least, sobering.

Do I really need a tri-suit to take part in a triathlon. Do I really need those more expensive wheels to match the rest of my bike. Do I really need to spend money going overseas to study, or is there a genuine purpose behind it?

I have just been thinking.

So that someday, when God calls me to sell my house or give to the poor, or take in children, and give my bike away, it would be a little bit easier, and less difficult, maybe, to find my half to give away.

What is your half?

"Do not be afraid when one becomes rich,

When the glory of his house is increased;

For when he dies he shall carry nothing away..."

-Psalm 49:16-17

"Men of high degree are a lie;

If they are weighed on the scales,

They are altogether lighter than vapor...

If riches increase,

Do not set your heart on them."

- Psalm 61: 9-10

Yi Qi Ke Fu. (edited)

"No, I've made up my mind. My answer is no."

"But if you change your mind, let me know, okay?" He tucked his face under his tattered blue cap.

I remember being disappointed when I heard his reply.

I said in mandarin, "Think about it, Grandpa Zhou. For my sake."

I had summoned all my persuasive skills and faculties of reasoning to no avail. He was immoveable. I was persistent, trying to persuade him from different angles when I realised there comes a point where we all have to respect someone else's decision, even if we might not agree with it.

My 23rd birthday is coming, and I would be combining the usual christian fellowship gathering we organise regularly in my batch with my birthday. I intended to invite friends over to my place for dinner and wanted Grandpa Zhou to join us, too. "Come sing a song for us, play your favorite song on your harmonica. It would mean a lot for me to have you join us on my birthday."

I saw his eyes light up with delight and intrigue- how he loves a good audience. If I had not, I would not have been so persistent. But he changed his mind quickly and radically when he realised what I was inviting him to.

"It's your home," he said very cautiously, "... and there'll be your friends. Your doctor friends. I... I don't belong there. You don't understand, your world and mine are so different. Ren jia de Yan Guang he ni de yan guang shi bu yi yang de."

Yan Guang. Those two mandarin words stuck in my head for a long time. Yan literally means eye, while guang literally means light. Taken together, yan guang refers to the attitude and glance of other people, typically used to describe the condescending eye of other people. He was trying to tell me that the way other people viewed him was different from the way I looked at him, and he wouldn't be able to bear it.

"Wo hen ZI BEI."

Zi bei. It refers to having an inferiority complex.

"You don't understand, I have very low self-esteem. Your friends might not see me the way you do. My world and yours are so different. Ren jia de Yan Guang he ni de yan guang shi bu yi yang de."

Yan guang. He used those two words again, and shifted his gaze away from me, tucking his chin underneath his tattered blue hat.

I didn't realise, just how much the marginalised value being accepted in our world. Respect, to them is a foreign word.

"Grandpa Zhou, have you heard of the word Overcome? Ke Fu? Look, I want you to overcome this inferiority complex of yours. Who's looking down on you, Grandpa Zhou? God doesn't, I don't. And I most certainly think the friends I'll be inviting won't either. Don't keep saying people look down on you because of your poor background-we've been through this before."

I paused, then became sullen. " You won't believe me, but the fact is... there're people who look down on me too... people who give me strange looks and say cruel things to me. People will look down on one another no matter what one's standing is-it's... ... just the reality of life. People around me... sometimes say condescending things to me... But as long as we have right standing in God's eyes, why should it matter... right? In God, we can overcome all things together-Yi Qi Ke Fu. And through this, I want to you to trust Him that He can make you an Overcomer. You don't have to do it alone. You are precious in God's eyes.

Wo men yi qi Ke Fu." That means-We can overcome this together.

I scrawled my birthday gathering details on a piece of paper for him, with the words Yi Qi Ke Fu- We Overcome Together.

"No. My final answer is no. You don't understand. Wo hen Zi Bei." I have an inferiority complex.

"It's okay, Grandpa Zhou, I won't force you. But if you change your mind, let me know."

He passed me his stack of receipts for his glaucoma and prostate medical appointments, just so I know where my money went, and gave me the only photo a church volunteer had given him of the Christmas gathering last year. "I only have one, just want you to have it."

Behind the photo were the words, " For granddaughter Wai Jia. Victory Family Centre Christmas gathering. From Grandpa Zhou."

How precious. "Bye, Grandpa Zhou. And you let me know if you change your mind."

The army boy (once a stranger reading this space and now a friend) had referred his Uncle D, a man with a big heart, to me so that he could render Grandpa Zhou some help with his medical fees. Uncle D told me to arrange dinner with Grandpa Zhou so he could better assess his situation and decide on how he could help him.

Today, I went up to Grandpa Zhou again. "Grandpa Zhou, can I buy you dinner next week? Outside of my home, and not with a crowd so you don't feel zi bei (inferior)- that okay?"

He paused, then took out that scrap of paper which I had given to him a few days ago.

On it was written in beautiful chinese calligraphy:

"Grandpa Zhou has thought it through already.

I have overcome, and have decided,

not to be bothered with other people's opinions of me

or their Yan Guang (condescending eye),

As long as Wai Jia is happy,

I'm happy too."

" Zhi yao ni kai xin. "

It means: As long as you're happy.

He went on to say, " You've done so much for me, and I thought it through. It would be really selfish of me not to attend your birthday gathering. I just have one request- I know you'll be very busy hosting your friends that day, but just put me with some people who can speak mandarin, or dialect okay? So I'll have someone to talk to. Yeah, I will overcome. As long as you're happy." He beamed. He was really excited now. "Yes, I really want to do it!"

Hug.

At that moment of feeling touched and delighted and amazed at the same time, I learnt, that we all have many fears, mostly the fear of men and what other people think of us, but when we put ourselves before God and the people who matter to us, we then realise, that happiness really is simple, freedom really is easy- because we're not alone to overcome our inner battles.

Wo men yi qi Ke Fu. We Overcome Together. By example of his courage, Grandpa Zhou taught me to overcome my own fears too-that of feeling small because of the opinions and words of others.

"Thank you Grandpa Zhou, I don't know what to say."

"I'll surprise you on your birthday. I've 2 songs I want to sing for you. See you then, okay?"

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors

through Him who loved us. "

- Romans 8:37

Sobered.

My medical mission internship to the jungle hospital in Kalimantan ended on a sober note.

While it was inspiring to see the missionary doctors serving the poor there, eye-opening to see the potential for Ophthalmology in the rural community and mind-blowing to hear what God had taught me, there was also much time for reflection, to think about who I had become and am becoming. And that, was sobering.

As we left in the jeep on the 5-hour ride out of the jungle to the nearest big town, the missionaries and mission trippers heaped tonnes of thanks and praise on us. Just before leaving, an Amercian team of 3 women, one in her fifties, one in her sixties and one in her seventies had asked me to help them with painting a mural for them in the paediatric ward. These women had flown halfway across the globe just so they could turn one dingy, smelly, depressing room housing screaming, sickly, scrawny village children into a clean and cheery place, and they needed a picture on the wall. They were old enough to be my parents and grandparents, yet chose to come out of their comfort zones to simply, paint a room. Seeing how a 67-year old grandmother sat on the dirty floor with her head nearly pressed to the floor for hours just so she could paint the rims of the walls was absolutely heartwrenching and heartwarming at the same time. What humility, what sincerity, and what love.

But I digress. Praise was generously doled out to me at our departure regarding the mural. But instead of invoking joy, it left a dead, heavy feeling inside of me.

"Oh what a beautiful mural you did for us."

"Oh, God has really blessed you with many gifts."

Driving away from the waving crowd, I suddenly saw a picture in my mind, that of a Christmas tree, and a peach tree heavy with sun-ripened fruit. Something gripped me, and sobered me. I knew God was speaking. I didn't deserve the praise, and God knew it too.

Each of us are blessed with gifts, some more than others. The gifts tucked beneath a Christmas tree, however, tell us nothing about the nature of the tree itself. Gifts, then, reflect not us, but the Giver of such gifts.

Each of us are also blessed with the ability to bear fruit in our lives. Fruit, unlike gifts, is produced by a steady process of cultivation and development. Good trees bear good fruit and bad trees bear bad fruit. Fruits, then, reflect everything about the nature of the tree, that is, us.

In the same light, we may see how while gifts are like talents, fruits are like character. In the long run and in God's sight, undoubtedly, character is more important. Our gifts shall one day perish with the world, while our characters will determine eternity.

Consolidating all the thoughts I had journalled down during my personal reflection was not easy. I left, sobered, for I saw how my close friend Jw's life was embodied in the fruit tree, and mine, in the Christmas tree.

Living with her for 3 weeks in the jungle hospital opened my eyes to her deep sense of gentleness, kindness and patience, in every and any circumstance. These virtues are described as fruits in the bible. In so many ways, I am thankful we met and journey together. And while on the surface, it may have seemed like I was "more talented" (what with the murals, my varied hobbies back home and my training in the mornings), my life on a day-to-day basis certainly did not reflect the depth of character and maturity of spirit which she inspired in me to develop. Looking inwards, I realised I had 22 years of impulsiveness and impatience, among other bad habits to strip away.

I closed my eyes and saw a Christmas tree ornamented with gaudy lights and cheap streamers, with opened boxes and torn gift-wrapping at its feet. They were all very exciting gifts, but nothing as beautiful, as fragrant or as life-sustaining as the beautiful fruit of the peach tree.

I had painted the mural, but I didn't do it with total joy, peace and goodness. At one point I remember complaining to God about how big a task it was and how I hadn't the time nor energy to do it. It was a task "well-done" in the public eye, and probably earned me another ornament on my tree, but certainly, any fruit borne out of that spirit must have been sour, or rancid, even. Jw and the elderly ladies from America, however, did the outline of my painting ever so gingerly and gladly, and out of that came a fruit of sweet humility and sun-ripened goodness.

There were many other things I uncovered about myself, and it grieved me to see how, for a moment, I no longer recognised the straightforward, strong-willed, moody, task-oriented person before me. My strengths, untempered by fruits of love, patience and gentleness, had become only but weaknesses.

By the time my plane landed in Singapore, I was exhausted. I lugged my baggage (both literally and metaphorically) to the arrival hall and slumped down in a chair, a little overwhelmed. Oh God, the mural was a bad fruit, wasn't it? How am I going to change 22 years-worth of bad habits? Impatience, intolerance, single-mindedness, oh the list goes on and on.

A taxi rumbled past me, and a shimmer caught my eye. There on the floor was a rainbow, reminding me of God's promise to perfect and complete us, to have faith and to take heart.

Floating into my mind, came the verse which I had scrawled on the mural in the paediatric ward. The writing on the wall written in the indonesian language was, "... if anyone is in God, he is a new creation..." -2 Cor 5:17a

No matter what sort of tree we are, there is hope for each of us.

And so I pray, that someday when I close my eyes, I would see myself embodied in the picture of a peach tree, heavy laden with Son-ripened fruit, and its gifts neatly gracing its roots.

"... we do not need to choose one at the expense of the other.

Gifts do not exclude fruits; fruit does not exclude gifts.

Rather, they should complement each other.

Gifts should provide practical expression for character...
and balance one another in a combination that
glorifies God and serves humanity."

- Faith to Live By,
by Derek Prince

" ... not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think,

but to think soberly..."

-Romans 12:3