It's like waiting foolishly for a rainbow underneath the darkest raincloud, with nothing but the pelting onslaught to mock you for your stupidity.
Have you ever had a dream that you thought might never come true? Even though you felt God had promised you so?
When Kitesong was published to raise funds for needy children in Nepal, I remember very clearly being very stunned. I remember, that it started off as a naive, foolish idea. My closest loved ones, fearing I would have my tall dreams shattered at too young an age, advised me, "No one will read a book written by an 18 year-old. Wait till you graduate."
But then, I met people who dared to take risks, people who believed in a God who had a penchant for using those with blind faith, people who gave me a chance. I met my publisher, and then my life was never the same again.
"Faith, is being sure of what you hope for, and certain of what you do not see."- Hebrews 11:1. I had nothing but that promise to hang on to for hope.
After I saw how real God was, saw the 6-figure sum raised from the book, and finally, saw the children move into the new orphanage last August, I told myself, that we can doubt ourselves, but never the power of prayer, of faith, and of God.
Today, my rainbow came true.
Four years ago, I fell prey to the biggest illness in my life. Ill for 2 whole years, life was... excruciating. Two and a half years ago, I wrote my 2nd book called A Taste of Rainbow, a book about faith and courage to seek help, about my recovery, praying that it would be used to raise awareness for people with depression and Ed. I prayed. I knocked on doors. I did every conceivable thing to push the project forward. But nothing happened.
Why God, why? I still remember that day. I had finished the first draft of the book when I saw a rainbow in the sky. That rainbow was all I held onto, as I prayed continually and persistently for the fruition of this book.
For almost three years, nothing happened. Or so it seemed.
Three years was what it took for God to break, build and mould me. I remember, on my knees in tears at church one day, someone came to tell me, "You aren't in the season of bearing fruit yet because there is still a season of Pain you have yet to walk through. No fruit will be borne- yet. But when it does, it will be on schedule, in God's time, and you will be so amazed. You will be so amazed."
God has His timing.
Three years later, finally healthy and relapse-free, just 2 days before my birthday, my rainbow -finally- came through.
Today is a special day. The team from the General Hospital, representatives from 2 established foundations and my publisher came to meet me. There were 7 of us around the table, and each of them wanted to support A Taste of Rainbow. Each of them are powerhouses in their own communities, each of them a person with a heart of gold to help and impact their world around them.
"We truly believe in its cause."
"It'll be fully funded."
"Our hope is to help as many people too, Wai Jia. Just call whenever you're ready."
Whenever I was ready. They said, I could tell them whenever I was ready, and it would be published.
"Faith, is being sure of what you hope for, and certain of what you do not see."- Hebrews 11:1. Those words are the first page of the book.
It amazed me to know that on the day that happened, my roadbike (its model really is called Faith) was built too. Today, J and I walked past the bicycle shop 2 minutes from home, even though it had closed, and looked at Faith in the showcase from afar. My wheelset is still not shipped in yet, so she lent me her wheels.
Just like how A Taste of Rainbow took time to come to fruition, my roadbicycle needed time to be built too. I learnt, that faith is like that, it cannot be rushed.
Just like how A Taste of Rainbow is being supported by so many organisations and people because it really is a large-scale project, my roadbicycle needs J's wheels and my friend, Batman's seatpost, to be complete too. I learnt, that very often, we need one another to build up our faith.
Just like how A Taste of Rainbow was inspired from heaven, my roadbicycle, too, was a divine blessing. I learnt, that truly, the world can mock us in our agony for our naivete, but faith- not in ourselves but in something more divine, something bigger out there- never disappoints.
Just before we left, my publisher passed me the draft of my 3rd book. "I like it. I really like this one. We just need to find a vehicle for it. "
This birthday, will truly be one of the most memorable ones.
Thank you all, and thank you God- for making dreams come true, and for helping me Find Faith.
* with Special thanks to EK and Aunty An, for the birthday gift,
and for giving me a chance to write and paint,
like I have always dreamed of doing
since I could hold a pencil.
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