"Yes," I said. " Thank you for being by me all this while. I think this is the first year I've finally stabilised and find myself grounded in God's security and joy."
2009, has been a year not only of restoration, but of new breakthroughs. After going through years of purposelessness without knowing God, and years of tumult in letting God tear me down to rebuild me rightly, I think I've finally found a solid rock on which I can stand above the storm.
Today, I just want to thank God:
- for my weaknesses: For so long I've always tried to be somebody else, better, stronger, faster. I've finally come not only to accept, but to exult in the fact that I am flawed, weak and broken. It is because of this that gives me hope to walk humbly before man, and rightly before God. How ironic it is to realise, that I found my self-confidence again as I became more and more aware of my foibles.
- for my body: I don’t think I’ve ever been more comfortable with my own skin. Yes, flat-footed, thunder-thighed, big-haired, hairy, small-boobed, chubby-cheeked me will, like any other specimen of the female species, struggle with insecurities from time to time, but I’ve finally come to the point where I can give thanks for what I’ve been blessed with. Thank you God for my legs, shape and warts. Thank you for making me just the way I am.
- for blessing me with health, both physical and mental: I’m enjoying sports again, and for the first time, I’m not a slave to it. I can’t believe you’ve helped me find so much joy in cycling, swimming and running. In one year, you helped me overcome my lifelong fear of cycling to clock over 3000km in my rides, helped me to learn open-water swimming in the sea to take part in my first triathlon and half-marathon, helped me to learn what it means to honour my body and You. Thank you God for returning to me doubly what you had to take away, for my own good. I can't believe I was so ill at one point.
- for blessing me with Joyriders. There, I found a group of friends whose love and encouragement has affirmed and built me up so much. It is because of them that I have remained relapse-free in 2009.
- for the privilege to meet Fung and the handcyclists.
- for the opportunity to love the poor. Thank you for sending me back to Nepal this year, to learn the meaning of surrender while learning pottery at a potter’s house, just like Jeremiah in the bible did. Thank you for sending me to Sri Lanka, and for rekindling the dreams in me which I thought were lost. Thank you for Grandpa Zhou.
- for bringing Kitesong full circle, and giving the children in Nepal a new home to live in.
- for helping me find my love. This has anchored my sense of purpose in medicine in such a profound and deep way.
- for showing me the meaning of Faith: Thank You for showing me what it means to sacrifice, to truly give, to do what’s right. Thank you for blessing me with the chance to meet Alisha, a new bicycle which is to come, and most importantly, such wonderful friends.
-for strengthening me with the courage to love and be loved. I am determined to wait it out, for the person I know will love me and whom I can love, to look after and serve the poor, the disadvantaged and the unwanted children of this world.
- for blessing me with a family. Thank you God for my parents, elder sis, church people and my Sunday School kids. I remember the children in the orphanage in Nepal and am awed by this undeserved blessing I have.
And I’m sorry, God, for the times I:
- was too busy, and too curt.
- allowed the silly, mindless teasing of people hurt me so much, and for allowing bitterness and resentment to take root. There’s nothing I can do if people choose to be disrespectful or insensitive, but there’s something I can do about my response. Please help me to forgive the people who hurt me.
- doubted you with regards to my bicycle, missions and relationships.
- got angry with you.
- wasn't filial or patient enough with my grandma. I think I will always regret that I wasn't more easygoing or loving during the time she stayed with us before she passed away shortly.
- turned down ice-cream. I promise God, to let go a little more, to be less high-strung and to let my hair down, just a little more.
In the next year, please help me:
- to be less moody and more joyful. Because I’m a big girl now and I ought not to let what people say affect me so much. Please help me to be gracious enough to turn the other cheek, to forgive.
- to continue to enjoy sports, maybe even complete my first Olympic triathlon and marathon, but always with you, my family, and friends first. And to be willing to give it up at any point I need to.
- to stay focused on missions and serving the poor and needy, to continue to have faith in the dreams you’ve given me.
- to do my best in my studies, to be the best doctor I can be.
- to open up my heart if the right person comes along, and to be brave to work things out. To be brave to say 'no', if you think otherwise, and not to hate you for it if I do like him, too. My greatest fear, is to fall in love with the wrong person- God, have mercy on me.
- to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly.
Thank you God, for such a wonderful year.
Thank you for making me exactly the way I am,
with exactly what I have.
Thank you for teaching me
ever so patiently.
I don't understand a lot of things,
like how I could wake up in the predawn darkness before school to cycle,
but I know,
that you have taught me,
that in the darkness before dawn,
in that moment of i-don't-understand,
You very well do.
Thank you for giving me friends,
whom I can smile with
even in the darkness.
Because of that,
I can continue riding along this journey called life,
ON THE ROAD
through 2010,
because
With you by my side,
I can take it on.
random shot in the predawn darkness before all the riders set off for our early morning ride"He has showed you,
O man, what is good.
And what does God require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God."
- Micah 6:8
- Micah 6:8
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