Topsy Turvy.

When I was invited to give a short sharing about Kitesong during the fundraising dinner last Sunday, I didn't know what to say. I found it most difficult to compress all that God had done in my life through this journey in the 2 minutes which they gave me. Feeling rather out of place as well as being the youngest person in such a posh hotel amidst a sea of tai-tais (slang for middle-aged married ladies) in their glittery dresses, expensive jewellery and make-up, and wealthy businessmen, I tried my best not to appear awkward without make-up in the simple black cotton dress my sister had given me a year ago.

My mind went blank when I got on stage, and though people were very encouraging with regards to the little bit which I shared, I think if I had a second chance to say it right, I would have liked to share how things are really not what they seem. God is topsy-turvy, you see.

On the surface, it seems as if I did a great thing for the under-privileged. In truth, it was not me, but my publisher and his wife, the entire missions society, the missionaries who have poured out their lives for the poor and the generosity of many people who made the fundraising to build a new orphanage for the underprivileged children in Nepal possible. On the surface, it seems as if I am what the world may label a "good" person. In truth, not a single one of us can truly be "good"- I struggled with pride, greed and vanity through the entire process- I believe the root of anorexia is a form of warped pride. On the surface, it seems like I am a sensible, mature, compassionate person. In truth, I suffered from a people-pleasing complex.

You see, God is absolutely topsy-turvy. Topsy-turvy because even though we're so broken and imperfect, He often likes to lavish His love on those who are weak, flawed and wretched. If you have a peek in the bible, He always liked to involve the most unlikely people in great adventures and phew, am I relieved to know that!

When I first made friends with God and hardly knew anything much about Him, He decided to use an angsty teen who suffered with lots of self-esteem issues to participate in the adventure He had in store, which comprised of a book, a trip to Nepal and a new orphanage for 30 children. But once I became proud, self-absorbed and let my big-headed self get the better of me, He broke me through a period of depression and physical illness, took away all the gifts He had blessed me with, so I could truly understand the meaning of gratitude and humility. He is topsy turvy because He likes to use those who are weak and simple in the eyes of the world, but hates those who bask in worldly adoration. He likes to use those who are broken, and hates those who self-exalt.

It intrigues me to know that when I was ill and struggling, the missionaries in Nepal too were facing much difficulty with purchasing land for the new building. And it was only after I had recovered, after I had truly grown, that their plans made new advancements. Their steam picked up when mine did. But it shouldn't amaze me, should it? To know that more than our works and ministries, God is far more interested in our characters, and growth.

Thank you all for your support and generosity. I cannot thank you enough for the many times you randomly put money trustingly into my hands "just to bless the children" or wrote the Home a cheque of hundreds or thousands of dollars. I cannot thank my publisher and his wife enough for giving me a chance, and for being so encouraging. I cannot thank my parents enough for loving me so much to let me go and pursue my dreams

And thank you God, for being just the way You are, topsy turvy.