Pearls.

"Hey Wai Jia. You know..."

" Yes?"

"Uh... I read your blog and uh... this sounds silly uh... but I just wanted to say I'm so glad you shared what you shared about washing your hands with the antiseptic rub away from the sight of patients... because haha, I do that too! When everyone else just washes their hands right there at the patients' bedside. And I really thought I was neurotic or something!"

"Haha, not anymore!"

Girlish laughter.


It struck me, right there and then, that we each have so many idiosyncrasies we dare not share with others, because we think we're the only ones who have them- when in fact, we really are so similar in so many ways, perhaps even more so because we're so afraid to share.

Our little hidden secrets and untold burdens weigh in on us, and it can feel so lonely. Be it a seemingly peculiar habit of needing to pray out loud to God like a little child every night before going to bed, or having severe panic attacks when being questioned in class, or a struggle with certain obsessions, how many of us really know we're not alone?

And when we do, how often are we amazed by the relief others show, for the courage we had to take the first step forward, to offer a little of hidden selves to a dangerous world out there which may not be so dangerous after all.


" I mean, it's not really neurotic right, Wai Jia? I just feel bad washing my hands right in front of a human being just because I've touched them... It just doesn't feel right."

" (laughs) I feel the same way too, dear. No, I don't think it's neurotic. Either that, or we both are!"

More girlish laughter.


I received a letter from a Stranger lately, thanking me for sharing my struggles, and who, in turn, shared with me his. I just want to tell you that you're not alone, and that there're always people out there who understand, and who want to reach out to you.

I've had my moments of darkness, and still do, where I feel nobody understands, and the pain can be alienating. But I've always found that at some point or other, someone else feels the same way too.

Have faith, you're never alone. If anything, you can be sure at least God knows, and He understands.

You wrote:

"For years, I have been living in a hardened sphere of isolation and darkness. With every event and transition that happened in my life, my sphere grew... a new layer that added to its impermeability. Over time, it has grown to become the impenetrable fortress that it is today...

... The sphere resembles a pearl, and that is the worst thing about it. When you look at a pearl, you marvel at its beauty and colour... What you fail to see is that the source of a pearl’s existence is an irritant that lodges itself in the clam. The pearl would never exist if the clam were perfectly fine... Simply put, the pearl is not supposed to exist in the first place...

...This was how my pearl formed. Every discouragement and dressing down built a thin coating to protect me from further hurts, until I was surrounded by a thick shell, with no way of reaching out for help..."


You made use of a beautiful analogy. A Pearl. You mentioned that because of the hurt it endured to be produced, caused by irritants, it shouldn't have existed in the first place. Have you ever considered, however, that something that beautiful was birthed precisely because of the hardships and trials which it faced?

It is precisely the hardships and challenges in our lives which we overcome which make us stronger, more radiant, more real, and more beautiful.

How precious Pearls are, and what wonderful creations they are. Are we not like them, beautifully and wondrously made, precisely because of the struggles and trials we have overcome?

It's all a matter of Perspective.

You're not alone, and while so often we hide underneath our many layers, we, too, have the choice of taking the first step to step out of our comfort zones to share our struggles with others. We make deep, lasting connections with others when we ourselves find the courage to give a little of our authenticity to them. We're all so afraid, and yet we each long for the same genuinity and connection with one another.

Be brave, step out to share- with the right people, and with God, and you'll find that you're not any more peculiar, disconnected, or neurotic than anybody else in this world.


Either that, or we all are, love.

When we open up our shells, it is then when we may all take some time to marvel at one another's struggles, victories, and strength- which all become deposited as precious Pearls.

" O Lord... You understand my thought from afar off...

If I say, 'Surely the darkness shall fall on me,'

Even the night shall be light about me...

Psalm 139: 2b, 11