Into 2010.

"I'm so happy to see you so happy, Jia."

"Yes," I said. " Thank you for being by me all this while. I think this is the first year I've finally stabilised and find myself grounded in God's security and joy."

2009, has been a year not only of restoration, but of new breakthroughs. After going through years of purposelessness without knowing God, and years of tumult in letting God tear me down to rebuild me rightly, I think I've finally found a solid rock on which I can stand above the storm.

Today, I just want to thank God:

- for my weaknesses: For so long I've always tried to be somebody else, better, stronger, faster. I've finally come not only to accept, but to exult in the fact that I am flawed, weak and broken. It is because of this that gives me hope to walk humbly before man, and rightly before God. How ironic it is to realise, that I found my self-confidence again as I became more and more aware of my foibles.

- for my body: I don’t think I’ve ever been more comfortable with my own skin. Yes, flat-footed, thunder-thighed, big-haired, hairy, small-boobed, chubby-cheeked me will, like any other specimen of the female species, struggle with insecurities from time to time, but I’ve finally come to the point where I can give thanks for what I’ve been blessed with. Thank you God for my legs, shape and warts. Thank you for making me just the way I am.

- for blessing me with health, both physical and mental: I’m enjoying sports again, and for the first time, I’m not a slave to it. I can’t believe you’ve helped me find so much joy in cycling, swimming and running. In one year, you helped me overcome my lifelong fear of cycling to clock over 3000km in my rides, helped me to learn open-water swimming in the sea to take part in my first triathlon and half-marathon, helped me to learn what it means to honour my body and You. Thank you God for returning to me doubly what you had to take away, for my own good. I can't believe I was so ill at one point.

- for blessing me with Joyriders. There, I found a group of friends whose love and encouragement has affirmed and built me up so much. It is because of them that I have remained relapse-free in 2009.

- for the privilege to meet Fung and the handcyclists.

- for the opportunity to love the poor. Thank you for sending me back to Nepal this year, to learn the meaning of surrender while learning pottery at a potter’s house, just like Jeremiah in the bible did. Thank you for sending me to Sri Lanka, and for rekindling the dreams in me which I thought were lost. Thank you for Grandpa Zhou.

- for bringing Kitesong full circle, and giving the children in Nepal a new home to live in.

- for helping me find my love. This has anchored my sense of purpose in medicine in such a profound and deep way.

- for showing me the meaning of Faith: Thank You for showing me what it means to sacrifice, to truly give, to do what’s right. Thank you for blessing me with the chance to meet Alisha, a new bicycle which is to come, and most importantly, such wonderful friends.

-for strengthening me with the courage to love and be loved. I am determined to wait it out, for the person I know will love me and whom I can love, to look after and serve the poor, the disadvantaged and the unwanted children of this world.

- for blessing me with a family. Thank you God for my parents, elder sis, church people and my Sunday School kids. I remember the children in the orphanage in Nepal and am awed by this undeserved blessing I have.

And I’m sorry, God, for the times I:

- was too busy, and too curt.
- allowed the silly, mindless teasing of people hurt me so much, and for allowing bitterness and resentment to take root. There’s nothing I can do if people choose to be disrespectful or insensitive, but there’s something I can do about my response. Please help me to forgive the people who hurt me.
- doubted you with regards to my bicycle, missions and relationships.
- got angry with you.
- wasn't filial or patient enough with my grandma. I think I will always regret that I wasn't more easygoing or loving during the time she stayed with us before she passed away shortly.
- turned down ice-cream. I promise God, to let go a little more, to be less high-strung and to let my hair down, just a little more.

In the next year, please help me:

- to be less moody and more joyful. Because I’m a big girl now and I ought not to let what people say affect me so much. Please help me to be gracious enough to turn the other cheek, to forgive.

- to continue to enjoy sports, maybe even complete my first Olympic triathlon and marathon, but always with you, my family, and friends first. And to be willing to give it up at any point I need to.

- to stay focused on missions and serving the poor and needy, to continue to have faith in the dreams you’ve given me.

- to trust you with my next book, A Taste of Rainbow. And to continue to write, and paint.

- to do my best in my studies, to be the best doctor I can be.

- to open up my heart if the right person comes along, and to be brave to work things out. To be brave to say 'no', if you think otherwise, and not to hate you for it if I do like him, too. My greatest fear, is to fall in love with the wrong person- God, have mercy on me.

- to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly.

Thank you God, for such a wonderful year.

Thank you for making me exactly the way I am,

with exactly what I have.

Thank you for teaching me

ever so patiently.

I don't understand a lot of things,

like how I could wake up in the predawn darkness before school to cycle,

but I know,

that you have taught me,

that in the darkness before dawn,

in that moment of i-don't-understand,

You very well do.

Thank you for giving me friends,

whom I can smile with

even in the darkness.

Because of that,

I can continue riding along this journey called life,

ON THE ROAD

through 2010,

because

With you by my side,

I can take it on.

random shot in the predawn darkness before all the riders set off for our early morning ride



"He has showed you,

O man, what is good.

And what does God require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy

and to walk humbly with your God."
- Micah 6:8

Caramel wings.

"Come to the edge," He said.

They said, "We are afraid."

"Come to the edge," He said.

They came.

He pushed.

And they flew.

-Guillaume Apollinaire.

Perhaps, it is not acting in the absence of fear which makes one brave. It is acting in spite of it, jumping off a cliff with wings made of watercolour-dreams stuck together with caramel glue and believing, just believing that you would somehow fly. Faith isn't self-confidence-it is believing in something beyond yourself, still, when you have lost all confidence. Faith isn't easy- as with love, it comes with a risk. Faith is falling, fast down the edge of a cliff with a sinking heart, with heavy chains of disbelief tied round your ankles by the crowd around mocking you, and still... believing...

... that somehow, someway, you would fly. Still.

As 2009 comes to an end, I was asked to enter the Listening Room to reflect and have tea with Mister God, to ask what the foremost lesson it was which He wanted me to learn from 2009, and what is innermost in His heart for me in 2010.

2009 taught me about Faith, and is teaching me still. What has 2009 taught you about faith?

We all carry chains on our ankles, some of us, heavier ones than others. Very often, these chains aren't even tied by ourselves, nor enemies, but by the very people who love and care for us, fiercely and deeply.

"Why don't you consider doing Ophthalmology instead of O&G (Obstetrics and Gynaecology)? The hours aren't as long, it's not as risky, and your future family could get to see you more."

" It doesn't matter if you don't finish the half-marathon. What matters is that you trained for it."

"You know, if you do find someone special, and he doesn't want to do mission work- maybe well, it's okay. Maybe that's not what God wants you to do. Why don't you consider supporting missionaries financially instead of being one yourself?"

"If your next book, A Taste of Rainbow, never gets published, it's really okay. Maybe, it was just a therapeutic outlet for you and that's a sufficient end in itself."

" Why do you want to continue cycling? Triathlons aren't the safest sport."

I can understand why I worry the people I love. Doing O&G is dangerous- out of all the specialties, it demands the highest insurance premiums because of the great risk undertaken by surgeons for both mother and child, the working hours are terrible-babies don't respect night and day; Cycling is risky- at average speeds of 35kmph down a straight road, no one can guarantee 100% safety; Waiting for the right someone with the same calling as yourself can be an audacious decision- one could pass on many opportunities which could have been, and end up by yourself; Holding on to a rainbow-coloured dream could be like holding onto a rainbow-flavoured ice-cream on a hot summer's day, hoping it would hold up against the heat.

What do you do when people tell you to let go? Especially when it's because they're afraid to see you get hurt, become disappointed?

There is absolutely nothing else which brings me greater joy than serving couples and their families- I would hate myself if I sold out for a specialty which I thought would give me a better lifetstyle; I cycle, keep cycling, because I never did cycle on 2 wheels till the age of 21 because I was too afraid. Every time I get on my bike, the same fears, the images of accidents and blood still flood my head, but I continue because it is fear I wish to overcome; I wait, I keep waiting, I ask God about the right person all the time and hear Him tell me 'no' time after time, and still keep waiting... because I don't want to make a mistake which could last a lifetime... I hold on, blindly trusting that God knows best; I hold on to my dream of becoming a writer, even though I know my writing is so unpolished, because in this world of terrorism and evil, that little girl inside needs a rainbow just to live.

I've already come to the edge, with the wings I've spent years weaving, painstakingly. I know you're worried my caramel wings will let me down. Do you not see there is more fear in my eyes than yours? And it is not my wings which I fear, but the chains the crowd is tying on my ankles which scare me. Why are you helping them?

Are there chains on your ankles, too? What cliffs have you turned your back on?

If there's anything 2009 has taught me, it is to keep holding on.

By a beautiful stroke of circumstance and providence, my application to be attached to an obstetrician who has earned my respect got through; In a beautiful twist of events, when there seemed to be no hope of me continueing the sport I loved, I was blessed with a bike; Just when doubt had started to seep in after a silent period of weeks of no replies, I received not one, but 3 emails within 2 days saying that there were parties who would like to follow-through with A Taste of Rainbow, see it get published to help raise awareness for people with depression and eating disorders.

The day J brought me to look at roadbicycles and I saw Faith, the shop dealer asked me why I liked her so much. I told him briefly about Alisha, about how God had brought me through a journey of faith, but that I was there to look-see only, because I hadn't the money anymore to buy the bicycle I wanted. He laughed, in a quiet, kindly sort of way.

"Are you laughing at me?" I asked.

"Well. I don't believe in God. How're you going to get the money?"

"You're laughing at me cos you think I'm naive to wait for God to provide, yes?" I echoed his gentle smile.

"Well, just a little. It's not always bad to be naive."

About a week later, when the miracle happened, it shocked me into days of speechlessness.

"Looks like my naivete paid off- God provided. Let me know when your adaptor comes in. " I wrote to him.

"Sure. Wish I had friends like yours."

So I'm going to Kalimantan in 2 weeks time after my final exams because I'm going to believe, in spite of all my doubts and fears, there is a purpose to this all, that someday I will, together with someone, foster unwanted children and serve the needy and poor, that this isn't a waste of time. I'm not going to feel sorry for myself just because God said 'no' again to someone I asked Him about because he doesn't love mission work, because surely, surely God, there is one person in this infinitely big world who I'm meant to meet, love and serve with. And when the person does show up, I promise to be brave and not to run away, not to tell him to go away. I'm not going stop writing and painting just because every book is such a torturing process of faith. And I'm going to keep cycling even though I keep falling, keep getting abrasions and bruises, because of the life and spiritual lessons it has taught and is teaching me, still.

I'm afraid and doubtful and heartwrenched and lonely but 2009, if anything, has taught me to remove the chains from my feet, and to walk head-on, eyes closed, to the edge of my cliff.

I can hear the crowd laughing, that I'm taking these wings with me. There is a chance, that all this while, I had heard God wrongly and that it could be a fatal jump.

But God, you've never let me down.


2010, here we come.

It would be easy to follow the norm

and go with the flow.

But doing the work God calls us to do takes

effort, perseverance, hope, and vision.

Faith sustains us as we make our way,

even if it is against the current of life...

O God,

give us the courage and faith

to follow wherever you lead.

Strengthen us

when the way is hard.

Amen.

-The Upper Room site.

Leave Plan for 2010 (first half)

Just awhile ago, I received a forwarded email in the office. Something i check during the start of every day to make the first half an hour seem so interesting..

Nope its not porn (sorry don't have picture to show..its not that i get such forwarded mails)

or

disfigured human pictures that asks you to donate to unknown charitable funds (the saddest part of forwarded emails)

or

how to get-rich-quick schemes. (no interest whatsoever)

What caught my eyes was this.....

Day	Date	Remark
1	13 Feb 2010	Weekend
2	14 Feb 2010	Weekend
3	15 Feb 2010	Chinese New Year
4	16 Feb 2010	Chinese New Year
5	17 Feb 2010	Take leave
6	18 Feb 2010	Take leave
7	19 Feb 2010	Take leave
8	20 Feb 2010	Weekend
9	21 Feb 2010	Weekend
10	22 Feb 2010	Take leave
11	23 Feb 2010	Take leave
12	24 Feb 2010	Take leave
13	25 Feb 2010	Take leave
14	26 Feb 2010	Thaipusam
15	27 Feb 2010	Weekend
16	28 Feb 2010	Weekend

You can never find a better leave plan in year 2010!
 

I guess some forwarded emails can be quite informative..

Nose fracture.

I don't think I've ever met anyone that gracious before in my life. And it reminded me, to always make the conscious choice to forgive, to extend grace- because grace is exactly what it is- giving someone else what they don't deserve. Mercy, on the other hand, is witholding something someone else jolly well deserves.

Mercy and grace, I think I saw a glimpse of both that day.

I had to chase down an ambulance on my roadbike last Saturday. We had waited for about half an hour and the ambulance had got lost looking for us. So I set off to find it, to direct it to where we were. I don't think I've accelerated that quickly on my bike to chase down a vehicle before.

Someone in my cycling group and another elderly man cycling had a head-on collision at the beach. A chilling screech of wheels colliding, bloodstained hands, a pool of blood on the ground and one nose fracture later, we had to call an ambulance.

And all the elderly man could say was, "It's okay, it's okay. I'm really quite fine. You were cycling, I was cycling... We both tried to avoid each other, and we both didn't slow down enough. We're both cyclists, we understand injuries are sometimes inevitable... please don't feel bad."

He said all that in a nasal twang while blood was gushing profusely from his nose, staining his hands and clothes and forming a steady pool on the tarmac.

"I'm so so sorry, Uncle," said the other cyclist, obviously traumatised from the accident too. "I'll pay for your damages and hospital fees. It was my fault, I was on the wrong side of the road."

"It's all right. You didn't do it on purpose."

Uncle Chris had every right to be angry, had every right to curse and swear and show self-pity, had every right to demand compensation for his damaged wheels belonging to his expensive Italian Conalgo roadbike. But the mild-mannered gentleman merely nodded and smiled.

"It's all right, please don't feel bad. You didn't do it on purpose."

In that smile as he took out his bloodstained dentures to spit, sniffling and trying to suck in the blood dripping from his nose, I think I saw what grace, and mercy meant.

"Let your speech always be with grace,

seasoned with salt,

that you may know how you ought to answer each one."

Colossians 4:6

For richer or poorer.

This, must be the quietest Christmas I've ever had.

I used to be so big on buying gifts, wrapping presents, writing letters, attending party after party, listening to carols and decorating the house. I used to be so big on the festivity of the occasion. After all, what's Christmas without lights, fun and presents?

Perhaps it's because my final exams are in early January, because my sister is back for only a short few days before she disappears for America again, and because I've grown up, that glitzy gatherings and gifts which nobody really needs no longer hold such a fascination for me. Perhaps, since knowing God, I've learnt to appreciate Christmas and comprehend its profound meaning. Perhaps, I've just become more pensive and less outgoing.

There is something about the extravagance of Christmas which used to disturb me. How can people celebrate and indulge in an atmosphere of hedonistic decadence when half the world is suffering? But I realised, I had missed the point. Some of us, myself included, are trapped by the traditional thinking that the poor always suffer more, and the rich ought to be ashamed for flaunting their riches in the face of the stark reality of poverty. I am beginning to realise, how rich and poor are both poor and suffer in their own ways, and neither may be better off than the other.

While the poor are cold and stricken by infection, poverty and hunger, the rich are lonely and stricken with illnesses of insecurity, surfeit and emptiness. Sadness, loneliness and emptiness respect no one, and strike hardest amidst festive cheer. The poor may be hungry but huddling with their families, while the rich may be drunk on indulgence but hurting inside. Suicide rates are highest in Christmas, did you know that?

And I started to miss you all because I realise that rich or poor, better or worse, each of us have a God-shaped hole that no food, water, possession or human love can fill.

Suddenly, as more of my closest friends started to fly off for their holidays and I felt more and more alone, I missed us washing clothes together on the grey slates of the orphanage, with you giggling and splashing, refusing to let me wash your petticoats because they were "too dirty for you to wash, didi (big sister) Wai Jia. Come, you wash our shirts only okay? Cleaner."

I thought of how so many of us have domestic help to do our washing and chores but are nonetheless busier, and less grateful.

Suddenly, I missed us running and shouting and screaming our lungs out, free in the fields, as we breathed hard against the wind in the cold wintry evening, losing ourselves in the game. Suddenly, I remembered how you all were in the fields playing and shared but one bicycle, but were happy and contented and grateful.

I thought of how grieved I was at losing the bicycle which I wanted, while all of you share one.

Suddenly, I missed us talking. Missed the way you made me feel like a child and a mother at the same time. Missed the way you all would come round and tell me story after story about your parents far back in the villages and how meeting them was a 5-day journey back on foot because no vehicle could go where you stayed.

I thought of the many of us who have parents we live with but sometimes don't even make time to talk to.

Suddenly, I missed being with the missionary couples in the freezing winter, listening to them tell me how each of you were so precious in their eyes. I missed the time I was so full of faith that I would find someone with a heart like mine to want to own an orphanage and adopt or foster children. I missed the time I was so certain I would find someone like that.

And I thought about the many of us who have children we feed, but don't take time to understand.

I realised, that rich or poor, emptiness can be a cruel equaliser. And no amount of financial disparity can separate the levels of loneliness each group feels.

This, must be the quietest and yet, most peaceful Christmas I've had. For I've finally learnt to take time off, to spend quality time with my family, to give thanks for the possessions I have, and to recharge my faith, eroded with time, in the calling I've felt called to. It's about time I went to visit the poor again. I miss you. In less than a month, after my final exams, I will be travelling to a jungle missions hospital in Kalimantan to learn a little more of what it means to be a missionary doctor.

I am learning, that the emptiness inside can only be filled by a God-shaped piece.

I am glad for Christmas, glad for today and the sulleness I feel, glad that I'm not at another party but home with my family, glad that J reminded me to be open-minded with regards to looking for a life partner, glad that I'm a little discouraged that I might never find someone who could love Godme&missionwork and promise to be with me 'for richer or poorer', glad that I miss you all this much...

... because it reminds me, that God's infinitude, and love and company is always with us. And that is what fills, and what satisfies, truly.

For richer or for poorer.

He was born on this day for the same reason called love.

But the angel said to them,

"Do not be afraid.

I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.

Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you;

he is Christ the Lord.

This will be a sign to you:

You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

-Luke 2:10-12

Missing Piece.

You can't buy faith. It's something you have to receive, something that one has to build from scratch.

They couldn't build her. Faith, that is. We finally had the money, the time and the expertise, but they just couldn't build her. That morning on our 4am ride, my friends were more excited than me about my getting the new bike. Yet, I couldn't explain what it was inside me which told me that Faith wouldn't be ready so soon.

Because my friends had bought me the bicycle frame, donated some of their spare parts and my family were chipping in the rest, we had to build Faith from scratch. Building a bicycle is tricky business- one doesn't appreciate how beautiful it is till one sees how many parts it is made of. The curve of the wheels, the shapely saddle, the angular handlebars and stem, the sturdy frame, shiny gears and crank, and other accessories make it complete. Or almost.

It made me see, how precious and fragile our faith in life, God and humanity is too, how multi-faceted it is, and how painstaking it can be to bring it to full maturity and completion.

Alas, there was a missing piece, due to be shipped in only in weeks, and so the bike-building was called off.

I was a little disappointed, yet not surprised. Something told me I too was not yet ready.

A tiny part called the adaptor was missing. It is something put inside the gears so the bicycle can function properly. It made me wonder, was there something in my life, a small thing, which was hindering my faith in life, in God, and in myself from being built properly too?

People who've trained with me long enough all tell me the same thing- you've got to have more faith in yourself, Wai Jia. Push. Very often, my perseverance falls short at the last leg, in the face of trials and difficulties, and I start to slow down, lose hope, due to a lack of faith in my own abilities. Hey, push yourself, I don't wanna see you drop out of the training pack. Push. Very often, I doubt myself and wonder if I would be a competent and respectable doctor, and start getting discouraged.

So when they told me the adaptor was missing, that they had to wait for weeks before it came in, it made me wonder what it was in my own life which hindered the maturation and completion of my own faith- in life, in God and myself.

Is there something missing in your life hindering the fullness of your faith too?

It could be a small thing, just like the adaptor. But it is enough to stop the entire bicycle from being built.

It reminded me, of the roots of bitterness I had allowed to grow in me, robbing me of the joy that I used to enjoy with certain friends, and spoiling the faith I had in the friendship; It reminded me, of the profound sense of inadequacy I sometimes have in other aspects of my life, which sports, especially cycling, is teaching me to overcome; It reminded me, of how fragile our lives really are, with perfection hanging everything in precarious balance, needing all the threads to work synchronously for the creation of a beautiful tapestry called faith.

Trials will always come our way to destroy what was meant to be built. Faith, can't be bought off the rack. It is multidimensional, muti-faceted, and one must take care of all aspects of it-spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, to be mature and complete.

"So you're telling me, that you can't build Faith today?

" We don't have the adaptor. It'll take some weeks to come, I don't know when either. But there's another option. If you want the bike to be built now, we can use another gearset. That one doesn't require an adaptor."

My friend, Al, an experienced and avid cyclist shot me a look I only knew too well. The gearset we were being offered obviously wasn't a reliable one. Al and J even asked me, "Do you really wanna get Faith? There're still other bicycles we can look at, you know."

But I had made up my mind. Our faith will always be tested. But perhaps, a little perseverance and patience, is all we need to bring it to full completion.

I thought about what happened last Saturday, about how excited and amazed my 7 year-old Sunday School children were when they heard my friends got the bicycle for me, how touched the other teachers were by the story that they asked me to stay back so I could tell the story to the next class, how it was so divine that the lesson for the week was about Praying With Faith (a summary of all the lessons of faith we had gone through in the past month), how 'coincidental' that the bible study we had 2 days ago was about God's faithfulness and the rainbow... and just felt that perhaps, there may be a reason for this all.

"No, it's okay," I said. "I'll wait for the adaptor. I'll wait for Faith to be built properly. Meanwhile I'll train on my current bike which is heavy, so it'll be good for training my legs, ha."

And so I learnt that day, that no matter how difficult it may be to re-build your faith in life, in certain friendships, in God even, it might just be worth it to exercise a little patience, because perserverance always pays off.

"You made a good choice to wait," said Al. "You're gonna face a whole set of problems if you use the gearset he's offering you. With the adaptor, you can get your Shimano 105, which is far more reliable. And your bike'll be more complete. "

So I'll wait. And meanwhile, think about the things in my life which hinder my faith from being built: why is it that when I reach that purifying state of suffering in cycling or running or swimming that I refuse to push myself any further because I think I won't make it, why is it that I become discouraged and offended when my insecurities are aroused, why is it I'm afraid of not having my prayers answered, afraid of being loved, afraid that I may never become the missionary doctor I dreamed of becoming.

So I'll wait. Faith, must be built, even if slowly.

What is stopping your faith from being built today?

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers,

whenever you face trials of many kinds,

because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be

mature and complete,

not lacking anything."

-James 1:2-4

Cling Loosely.

But at the end of the day, more than any material possession which brings us what we think is that elusive butterfly-winged creature called happiness, it is still this which brings us most joy:

Dear Wai Jia,

Greetings from cold Kathmandu!

Alisha, her mom and I are back in Nepal. Alisha is doing well, though her stomach is not. She is hearing a lot more sounds now. With her brothers and home speech therapy, she is even trying to speak. She is a little overly self-conscious about her own voice, please pray for her to overcome the self-consciousness.

Every few days, Alisha needs to use 3 small batteries for the processor of her hearing implant , the extra funds from S's mother (which she recently donated) will be helpful to cover the cost for the batteries and her future treatment.

Thank you very much.

Merry Christmas to you!

God bless....

Jo

And above all, perhaps one must always remember, in the face of gaining new possessions, to always live simply, love humbly, and cling loosely to all the things our eye can see.

"You are beautiful, but you are empty,"

the little prince went on.

"One could not die for you."

***

"And now here is my secret, a very simple secret:

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;

what is essential is invisible to the eye."

- the Fox from The Little Prince

by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Incline my heart to Your testimonies,

And not to covetousness.

Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things,

And revive me in Your way.

-Psalm 119:36

All you Need is Love.

So much love all around just made me want to laugh.

Josephine, the missionary's great love for the poor and her leap of faith to help a little girl like Alisha touched me so much that it became only right for me to give up the sum of money to her. What transpired between us touched my buddies so much that they spent weeks planning and scheming, pooling money and spare parts together as an outflow of their love to me, to give me what they had and so much more.

What they did amazed and touched my family so much that my family, initially immoveable, decided to contribute more so my buddies wouldn't have to give up so much of their own spare parts and items to build me a new bike: "It was a matter of principle that we didn't want to get Wai Jia a new bike. We gave her the money, she decided to give it away, and we wanted her to realise that she had to live with the consequences. But what you all did was really touching, touched us too... ... so we feel we shouldn't let you do this for her-we should be the ones buying it for her. It's different now."

Thank you for loving me by not splurging on me, for loving me enough to feel that standing firm on your principles to teach me life values is more important than giving in to my whims, even though it may take a greater effort. This is just one more reason why I love and respect you so much.

" Yes Uncle, but I want you to know, we're not splurging on Wai Jia. We only bought the main frame of Faith for her, and the rest are simply spare parts put together by the group of us because we aren't using them anymore... tyres, bottle cages, handlebars... It's just a small gesture on our part so don't feel bad. Everyone was very willing! Really! You can buy the groupset (gears) for her. "

"You really have friends who love you, Jia."

".... Yes."

And so the matter was settled, with love and a warm and fuzzy feeling all around.

As I walked J home nearing midnight, I asked her, "But why... I... I don't understand why you guys would go so far for me... It just blows my mind, you know... to even think you would come up with this..."


"Because you're different! You're just different."


"... ... Haha... ... and you all too, J. You guys are a very, very special lot to me. I don't know what to say... "


Love, when given out, just goes around and comes around.


Thank you God, for giving us hope always and Faith to me...


... but the greatest of these, must still be love.


"It's about time you got a new bike, Wai Jia. You deserve it."

Friends and my old bike

"And now these three remain:

faith, hope and love.

But the greatest of these is

love."

1 Cor 13:13

Mister Potato Event at the Mist

Last Saturday, I found myself at 630pm at a nightclub called "The Mist".

Strangely as it seems, I do enjoy clubbing, but definitely not crazy enough to come THAT early to have a good time.

Neither was I early to ensure that I wouldn't have any trouble of getting a table inside to put my liquor.

Because neither of that was the case.

I was at the Mist not to go clubbing but to be part of a Mister Potato Campaign Event

that was happening there which specially invited bloggers and other media frenzy's that were all waiting outside to get in.

 Though, this time I did not go as a blogger since my blog has practically stopped for the past few months, I was just invited by a close friend of mine to oh well..makan makan and minum minum since I had nothing to do over the weekend in KL.

But above all, I came here because I have never came to this nightclub before which I have heard quite alot of good things about it in the past all the way from Penang.

Upon entering, I am given a bag of Mister Potato Bag which has a lot of junk food which I don't really eat,

and a straw hat that I could probably use it when I'm up in the hills of Cameron Highland Hills plucking tea leaves in the future.

If you're wondering what is the straw hat for, well..the theme for the night was a Mexican theme and i'm quite happy this time around that at least they try to equip us so that all of us would rather be involved with part of theme.

As you have seen in the past, I suck in dressing up for parties with theme's and end up as a social outcast throughout the party. This wasn't the case this time around as everyone came pretty casual.

While of course, there were the die hards that really dressed up to the Mexican theme.  

Let me show you what I mean by Die-HARDS!!

This is one of the things I enjoy about this campaigns, people really take the effort to dress up to the theme, something that we wouldn't really expect from many unsporting Malaysians like myself.

But down here, everything goes. Apparently, they do get something for dressing up like that which I will share with you later.

Inside the Mist, you would of course expect that you would be welcomed at the entrance with well..Mist?

Nope..That did not happen.

However, inside the Mist practically looks like this. A nice great dance floor in front of a small stage where the DJ's roll out their stuff.

VIP area is at the top

The Bar on ground floor.

Upstairs has a VIP area for the specially gifted people.

Leather Seats that is only catered to VIP's who are more gifted than normal gifted people.

This is how it looks like from the top.

And here's the food that awaits us which is of course something you don't get on a normal clubbing weekend.

Coming back to whats happening on the floor.

With all the Mexican Straw Hats being worn, the party got started. Sometimes if you looked closely, you might think that it was a convention for Cameron Highlands vegetable Farmers. Elite Farmers to say the least, all having a good time with free drinks and food.

Here's a picture of how a group of farmers rushing for free things.

Then there was the part of why some of them came dressed up as Mexicans because there was a well-dressed competition with the winner earning himself a cool RM5,000.

That's alot for well...just dressing up as a Mexican rather than plucking leaves in Cameron Highlands which you can never ever see that kind of figure for the next few years compared to one night. Unless of course those leaves are not tea leaves and I don't really want to know what they are....

Then there was also the competition of best Mexican Dancer with Mister Potato leading how the dance should be imitated after him.

Winner also earns himself a cool RM5K while of course 2nd and 3rd will earn something respectively. Enough to buy themselves a blackberry and still have enough cash to pay for their phone bills for the next year or two.

All in all, I really had a great time. Experienced what the club was like and I must say, it looks great. I guess if I had not attended this event, I wouldn't have taken the time to write a post but I must since I took some pictures which I might as well share it with you guys!! Hope you enjoyed the post!

Her name is Faith.

I was in utter shock when it happened. I still am.

This is a long story, so take a breather before you start.

J took leave from work for me that day. "I just want to take you to have a look."

"But... I'm not buying anything, J... I... I can't. Anyway, I've class tomorrow. I'm happy already, I don't need anything."

"No buts. This time, I INSIST. I've taken leave already. And I'll arrange for JT to drive us around for the day. If you've class, we'll go during lunchtime."

“But..."

"Okay, see you tomorrow."

Maybe it was God's will, but my class at hospital got cancelled that day so we had the whole afternoon to ourselves. It was said that my professor had a homicide case to attend to- now what were the chances of that happening.

I can never understand why God chose to bless me with friends like them: J is a very busy woman, her leave is precious- and yet she chose to spend it on me. JT lives on the other side of the island, yet he drove all the way to the east to play chauffeur to J and I for the day. He's the same one who's always been ever so helpful to lend or give me his sports equipment whenever he saw I could do with an extra bike light, a hydration belt... Batman and Ds slow down to cycle with me so they can push me on, " What's important is you do your best every time and improve. "

They all knew about Alisha. They all knew why I wasn't getting a new bike anymore. They all saw how my current bike's brakepads and gears were giving up on me, and how it was just, too big. Apparently, J had a word with them all. None of them could bear seeing me leave the group so in spite of what had happened, they tried every way to make me stay.

Just when I had given up hope, my Sunday School class of 7 to 8 year-olds reminded me of the importance of prayer, of asking, and of being persistent and patient in waiting for answers. Just when I thought I wanted to quit cycling, my training buddies each went the extra mile for me and showed me how much they valued not my performance but me.

Deep down inside, I knew that it would be impossible to find a bicycle meant for me unless it was God's plan. I struggled. God, why is roadcycling so expensive? Is it wrong to enjoy the sport? Are you telling me to stop?

I wanted to block it out of my mind, immerse myself into reading biographies about missionaries so I wouldn't think about it.

Deep down, I knew that even with ten thousand dollars, I might never find the right bike if it was God's plan for me to stop the sport. If you really want me to continue, then I'll need a clear sign, God.

Some weeks back, JT told me about Soul. It was the name of a shop I'd never heard of before. It was 5 minutes away from church. They sold individual bike parts so there would surely be a fit for my too-long-legs and too-short-torso. It's not too popular only because it's a local brand, which means it wouldn't be too flashy. There was a model on discount. And the name of the bike?

Faith.

It was white, red and black- the same colour as the previous bike I had wanted and the only colour it comes in. When I saw it, I knew it was the one.

Weeks ago, JT had text-messaged me: "Found a model, Faith from this brand called Soul for you. Name sounds Christian too. Next time you can introduce yourself this way, 'Hi, I'm Wai Jia. My bike has soul and her name is Faith. Check it out online."


Kitesong is a book about dreaming big dreams and having the faith in God to do so.

I didn't buy the expensive bike I wanted with the money I had, against majority's advice- in an act of faith that God had a different plan which I didn't know about. (He spoke to me glaringly through a morsel of words which pierced me so deeply I knew I had to listen.) I gave up my cheque for Alisha in an act of faith that God would provide for both her needs and mine. When I did finally find a sponsor for her, the sponsor liked the draft for my 2nd book, A Taste of Rainbow, and its cause to help people suffering from depression and eating disorders, so much that she wanted to sponsor it- the first page of the book writes, "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.- Hebrews 11:1". The rainbow to me, represents God's promise to us, a culmination of our faith. The past few weeks of Sunday School lessons which I had been assigned to teach because the other teachers kept taking leave were all about teaching the kids the importance of praying with faith.

That night after JT told me about Faith, I visited the website I visit every night before I sleep and I had goosebumps all over me when I read the prayer passage for the day-it was about an unlikely gift and a girl named... Alisha.

Freaky, almost.

While training one day, it also suddenly hit me that the centrepiece hung in my room writes, "Without Faith, it is impossible to please God because anyone who comes to Him must believe He exists and rewards those who earnestly seek Him.- Hebrews 11:6"


I'd heard of swanky names like Trek, Giant, Cervelo, Orbea, Wilier... but Faith? Who'd name a bike that? And why hadn't I heard of it earlier?

Perhaps, God has his timing.

So when I saw it, I just... knew it was the one. God seemed to have answered part of my prayer. Some people had told me that about the relatively poor service they had received from the bike-designer but when I met him, we hit it off immediately- simply because he is an artist too. "I don't believe in God at all, but I named this design Faith after my late best friend because I wanted to believe he went to a better place. I don't usually tell people these things." I liked him immediately.

Just last Sunday, one of my sunday school children, little Sophia, sheepishly whispered into my ear. "Dear God, I pray for Jiejie Wai Jia that you help her in her coming exams and bless her with a bicycle. Amen." Thank you darling, I said. I couldn't see it happening but kissed her on her forehead anyway.

Part of my sadness came from my shame for liking roadcycling so much and for not being cool enough for making the sacrifice for Alisha. In the face of poverty and missions and humanitarian work, why should cycling matter. But a friend reminded me yesterday, that we love God in more ways than one, and we display His glory and wonder when we take the talents He’s blessed us with and pursue them with a spirit of excellence and a heart of purity and humility. Our love for God and people, can come in various forms. That is why we can delight God even in studying, in working, in art and sport and eating and drinking. That is why when the guilty woman poured a jar of expensive perfume on God and people scolded her for being wasteful because 'the money could have been given to the poor', God defended her. You know, I never understood that story till today. I always wondered how God could allow that.

The hardest lesson for me to learn was: The poor and the disadvantaged will always be important to God, but we need to recognise, that more importantly, we must live our lives the way He wants us to in every point in time. If it means studying in an expensive college to be the best doctor possible, then so be it. But one must have the right heart attitude. It's hard for me to learn that, because I grew up reading Mother Teresa.

More than just being about a stupid bicycle and a little girl's whining, I learnt, that this entire process was about character development and learning about God. I finally discovered, that I love to cycle not because of pride or ego, but truly, because of the friends I made through it, because of the life lessons this sport has taught me, because of how it has helped me find joy and recover and get on with my life so much better than before. I told J before, that if I hadn't met her through cycling, I would definitely have relapsed.

Faith, in both senses, helped me to realise that.

I learnt, that I could have happily ignored God and bought that very first bike I liked so much. But I would have set myself many steps back in terms of character growth. God's way in God's time is always best.

I learnt also, that it's okay to ask God, because like what I taught my 7 year-olds, the process of asking purifies our hearts' motives.

I learnt also, ha, that a sacrifice is a sacrifice. And I love my parents for not giving in to buying me a new bike because of the decision I made. Last night, they said to me, "Christmas is coming, so we're giving you a small sum of money. You can loan the rest from us if you need to and pay it back when you start working. Okay?"

I thanked them in gratitude, then sighed to myself. That was less than half of what Faith cost. And I knew, I would never have the peace to buy something so costly for myself. It's just, not right, and not for me. So close, yet so very far.

After seeing Faith, I thanked JT and J, "I don't know why you took leave from work for me even though you know I won't buy anything soon. But I want you to know I really enjoyed your company, and I've been encouraged to train better, haha. I've been happy riding on my current bike. And that's enough for me." I sighed and thanked God, because even though I didn't have Faith yet, seeing her gave me hope to believe that there was something out there meant for me.

Thank you J, JT, Batman and Ds. For being so encouraging regarding what I did for Alisha even though some have called me Foolish. For understanding why I can't see myself buying such an expensive item, because of the people I've met on past mission trips and because of my conviction that poverty today is caused by people buying too many things for themselves and not enough for others. Thank you for not telling me to save up because you know I could not forgive myself for getting a spanking-new bike. Thank you for being patient with me. For riding with me on this journey called life, for insisting when I resist, for pushing me when I pull back, for loving me and riding with me and for teaching me so much.

It was nice seeing Faith that day.

Sometimes, perhaps it is hard to imagine why God would take an interest in our lives. In the big scheme of things, why should my love for cycling matter? In the light of poverty, famine, wars and tragedy, why did this weigh heavy on me? I am learning, how God is not interested just to make us labour to serve the poor, but is interested in our lives, hearts and development, too.

The story doesn't end here.

After our training today, as we sat together to cool down and have a drink, J made an announcement.

"Ahem, ahem. Christmas is coming. And oh look, we're all in red and white today. Wai Jia, we are playing Santa Claus and we want to tell you a group of us have pooled together a sum of money and we got Faith for you. Your parents only need to pay for the groupset (gears)."

They didn't know that the sum of money my parents had given me was roughly the cost of the groupset.

I was in utter shock.

JT's text message, J's insistence on taking me to the bike shop, Batman and Ds' encouragement to me to keep training, their enthusiasm in askingaskingasking me about my preferences and insistence I had to train with them today... ... suddenly all made sense. I didn't know, but they'd been plotting and scheming and conspiring behind my back for a long time.

All this while, I never believed they would do something like this. It was surreal. I thought they were just trying to psycho me into getting a bike for myself.

" Just touched by your act of kindness."

" The honour is mine."

" You certainly deserved it."

After a good ten minutes of me burying my head in my hands from shock, I finally found the strength to snap out of my speechless stupor to utter, "Thank you... thank you so much guys. This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me in my life."

We took a photo together with my old bike. As we got onto our bikes, I said, "Guys, is today the 19th?"

"Yeah."

"Wow... You won't believe this. I... I... got my current bike last year on... the 19th of December, too."

Silence.

"So... it's about time!" Al said. They all laughed.

"I don't how to thank you... I really don't."

"Just... pay it forward, Wai Jia. When someone else has a need, pay it forward."

As I wheeled my bike home still engulfed in utter disbelief, in a state of paralysed shock, I looked at the grey sky and remembered what the missionary looking after Alisha said- that I would get my bike because God isn't a scrooge. She always taught me that God would honour what we did for Him. I laughed into the cloudy sky and said aloud, "You win, God. You win, hands down."

Then a large rainbow-coloured umbrella caught my eye.

A rainbow. In the bible, it means God's promise. In my book called A Taste of Rainbow, the rainbow represents a culmination of...

... Faith.


So you ask me how come I know God is real.

I just... do.

Thank you JT, Al, Batman, Ds, E, and

most of all, thank you J.

This is the sweetest thing anyone has done for me in my entire life.

I still can't believe what happened.

More than cycling, you taught me life lessons of love, humility

and showed me the beauty of friendship.

I could never thank you enough.

So to those of you struggling with prayer

or issues of faith in your personal lives,

don't be afraid to ask.

Surely God cares about

the poor and the needy and the hungry and the homeless,

but it's amazes and blows my mind to know that

He also cares

and has time, energy and love

for you

and your little everyday struggles.

They matter to him because

they grow your character,

and that precious little thing,

called Faith.

And thank you God,

for showing me how consistent and amazing You are,

how you are ever so faithful to your promises.

Thank you for speaking to me

through words, people, names and umbrellas,

for loving me in a way that simply blows my mind,

for using cycling to heal me physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Thank you for angels,

for Faith.

"Faith is being certain of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

-Hebrews 11:1

"Without Faith,

it is impossible to please God

because anyone who comes to Him must believe He exists

and rewards those who earnestly seek Him.

- Hebrews 11:6"