Looking back at the hopes I had for 2009, I'm thankful that most of them were fulfilled:
- I wanted to learn to be comfortable with my body again, and pick up dancing. In 2009, I took a course in lindyhop, and found I really, really liked it.
- I said I wanted to perform again on a stage someday, with courage, for a meaningful cause. In 2009, I emceed at a fundraising event for 2 friends who are going to sail from China to California on a Clipper Race to raise funds for children with chronic illnesses.
- I wanted to learn how to speak proper Hokkien to converse with my patients. I think I speak slightly better than I did a year ago, though there is still much room for improvement.
- I wanted to learn how to type with more than 3 fingers. This one... well.
- I wanted to learn to play my flute properly. In 2009, I passed my grade 1 exam with a merit pass and did my first combined flute performance at a concert.
- I wanted to bike safely, without killing anybody, or myself, in the process. In 2009, I realised I clocked about 3500km, participated in a few races as a biking volunteer for athletes with disabilities and helped to raise funds for cancer patients in a round-island charity Ride For Hope. I'm still alive.
- I wanted to be more meticulous, organised and alert. In 2009, I lost a few items which were very precious to me. I think I've found the reason why I was so distracted, and hope to overcome this in 2010. I think getting a folder and cleaning my room would be a good start.
- I wanted to be bold enough to speak up at the hospital. I think 2010 will give me more opportunity to increase my confidence in medicine.
- I wanted to learn to serve humbly. I think it will take me some time to forgive myself for not serving and loving my grandma enough before she passed away in June 2009. I hope to express more gratitude to my family in 2010.
- I wanted to love bravely. I remember moments in 2009 where my fight-or-flight defenses kicked in. I hope I will learn to exercise more faith and trust in God that He will take care of me no matter who I meet in 2010.
So perhaps, penning down our hopes for the new year may not necessarily be a cheesy business, especially if one refers to it from time to time. Perhaps, penning these hopes down is a milestone in itself, as it represents a blossoming of new buds of faith in a time yet to come.
2010 should give me plenty of time and space to do the things I have been putting off, because medical school has given us 4 to 5 months from February till June to pursue our electives locally and overseas. This means no exams, and 5 months of being attached to various doctors from various specialties in various hospitals of our choice to broaden our horizons.
There are many things we all hope to accomplish, but I remind myself, that life is more than striking things off a to-do list. It may be, rather, a constant communication with ourselves and God to find inner peace, to grow and to love. This means that while there are hopes penned down, it is not their accomplishment which makes one fulfilled, but rather, the journey towards reaching them which matter. This also means, that giving any one of them up for good reason may also be worthwhile for our growth. Sometimes, depending on God's purposes and plans, not doing is better than doing.
That said, in 2010, I hope to:
- visit the jungle Hospital in Kalimantan, open my mind to what it means to be a missionary doctor, and to refocus my heart on God's calling for my life.
- get my driving license. Failing my first one 4 years ago gives me no excuse not to see it through. Even though I will never own my own car, I think driving is a life skill-not to mention it's about time I overcame my fear of being behind the wheel.
- learn oil painting.
- spend time to write and paint another book for a meaningful cause should God give me the inspiration to. I think the next one will be about a bicycle.
- take my grade 2 flute exam and do my first solo performance at a concert.
- have more faith in myself with regards to cycling, swimming, running and medicine. All my training buddies agree that it is not my legs, but my mind which needs the extra push. And I can see how a little more faith would carry me further in becoming a better doctor.
- improve my posture by working my core muscles. (Think crunches, sigh.)
- ah, and only if God-willing, participate in my first Olympic distance triathlon and perhaps, if He carries me, run my first marathon. (I simply cannot imagine doing such distances alone.)
- be more joyful,and more forgiving, even if it takes a conscious effort to do so.
- see A Taste of Rainbow to completion, if not by 2010 then in 2011 as well.
- see Project Handcycling 2010 to completion. A group of us will be spearheading a project to help patients with disabilities build a rehabilitation programme involving handcycling, and to help Fung with his training programme to teach handcycling to children with disabilties from AWWA. This will be a project involving the medical faculty, members of the public and HAS.
- if God permits, travel to another mission hospital in India with my pastor in June.
- take a course regarding mission work, or spend some time doing some theological studies or bible study of some sort.
- learn how to make Tiramisu for my dad.
- read more. About everything. And to expand my vocabulary.
- be there more for my friends and family, to exercise more love, patience and humility, to be kinder, and less selfish, to be more gracious and less uptight. To be more helpful and less self-preserving. I wonder if I'm growing cold-am I losing that child-likeness, God?
- trust God more. To live simply, love generously and cling loosely to all my possessions, my new bike included when it comes.
- always put God first, so that everything (medicine, writing, sports, family, worries) can be put into perspective.
- eat more ice-cream. Vanilla, with rainbow sprinkles. FINALLY.
On a random note, I just want to thank you God for blessing me with such a beautiful gift on the last day of 2009. I received 2 emails, which really touched my heart:
- the first being from the kind army boy (a complete stranger/random reader whom I only got to meet up with after he wrote to offer to pay Grandpa Zhou's medical fees) who warmed my heart much because of what he wrote.
- and another, from a cycling friend I got to know recently, whom I had shared my apprehensions about our love for sports with:
Hey wj,
You know, until you mentioned it, I never really gave thought to what I splurged on sports attire, equipment, race entries etc. But now that you mentioned it, it's beginning to unsettle me somewhat. Not many people think about it this, I guess this is why He set you apart for mission work heh :) Not everyone is capable of this kind of sacrifice, myself included I think. But what we can do is maybe do the best to contribute what we can to help the poor? And trust that God will make your contribution go a long way into improving their lives.
Do your best whenever you're training and racing, the tough conditions will make you stronger physically and mentally for your mission work. I trust conditions when serving as a missionary aren't exactly 5-star yeah? ;) Keep praying, and He will set your heart at peace.
Ds
For some reason, this email really warmed my heart. It helped me to see the spiritual in something so intensely physical and human. Thank you Ds, for always encouraging me.
Thank you for a lovely start to the new year, God-
with a wonderful morning bike ride,
a wonderful time spent with my family celebrating dad's 60th birthday
before my sister heads overseas again
(why don't you stay longer than 2 weeks a year?),
and a time of thanksgiving
in knowing that you have
everything in control.
And to all of you who have been journeying with me through 2009,
Thank you.
A blessed new year to you, too.
