So it was true. They celebrated and made it special so many times that M asked me, "CAN YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE NOT 24 YET?!"
It's been exactly a month since I celebrated my 24th birthday (early). Today, two gifts arrived at my doorstep. One, in the form of a lovely package and card and more money for the causes I support; and two, a letter which made me tear.
I guess, this year really is a year of daring to have greater faith, and daring to step out of my preconceived notions into greater adventures.
"I just feel I want to say a few things to you... about relationships, love and marriage. And no, I'm not trying to change your mind on anything that you may have decided for yourself... I just want to know that you've had an opportunity to see another perspective on the subject.
Having lived through several stupid mistakes and learned from them, I am a firm believer that love is a decision. I don't mean to say that it's purely rational/logical and that feelings can come later, because that would be regressing or falling into the pit of undervalueing God's gifts of emotions and spiritual sensing. What I am saying is that because God is love and because God chose the man-woman relationship (courtship and marriage) as the ultimate representation of His spiritual relationship with us and there are precious secrets hidden in this that cannot be found elsewhere...
Do not mistake me. I am not saying your life is incomplete if you aren't married. I am saying that unless directed by God to be celibate, marriage is a wonderful thing to desire and work towards. And trust me, it will take a lot of work. After all, it is about two flawed and sinful and selfish people coming together to attempt to build life together, and the road isn't easy. But the beauties of this strange experience- two becoming one- are myriad and deep and multifaceted, and I am convicted that nothing can match it.
Think of it: it's not simply physical, but something that happens in the spirit world, that God no longer sees you as two, but as one. Now what does that mean? How does that translate into individual paths? And yet, you are still unique individuals in His sight. Does this help you begin to understand the mystery of the trinity we describe God as?
As I have said before,
God opens many doors and windows to us in this life- not always as directives or commands,
but sometimes simply to bestow His largesse...
and sometimes, just to test if we will make our choices
from our own preconceived notions or if we will ASK HIM.
The road ahead of you is going to be full of excitement, and I pray that you are clearly led in every aspect by God. This is how you will find your greatest joy and fulfillment in Him, because true surrender to God's calling is not always about pleasing Him- it is sometimes also in finding pleasure for ourselves in what He has chosen to give."
A close friend asked me out for a long early morning run today. We were talking about life, and she said to me, "You need to have more faith, Wai Jia."
"But I can't help this anxious feeling inside. It's so... unnerving. There're so many question marks, no answers, and everything is up in the air."
"Yea, but you gotta deal with it. It's a timely lesson to learn that there're many things in life we can't control, and this is one of them. Just have faith, things are going to turn out fine. At the right time, everything will fall into place."
And in the evening, came another letter in the form of an email:
Do you really believe if we seek, God will provide a way? Do you also really believe that God knows of our needs and knows how to take care of us like He does with sparrows?
So here goes, 2011 is going to be a year of having greater faith, of stepping into things larger than I can conceive, and a year of killing the dragon.
Keep on asking,
and you will receive what you ask for.
Keep on seeking,
and you will find.
Keep on knocking,
and the door will be opened to you."
-Matthew 7:7
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