Open Eyes.

* Wai Jia is 2 weeks into her holidays, on an attachment to a mission hospital at a jungle in Kalimantan. She writes from a place with wireless connection (in a jungle, yes) and will be back in a week's time.

"The key to obtaining our requests from God

is to appropriate them, by faith,

at the very moment we make them.

Doing this sets us free

from continuing struggle or anxiety and brings us into

inner rest."

- Faith to Live By, by Derek Prince

Perhaps, there are just some things in life which we shall never fully comprehend, some things which seem too uncanny to be mere coincidences, which make us feel small in the hands of a really big God.

The past week has been for me, like the experience of a blind man seeing for the very first time. Terrifying, awesome and overwhelming- all at the same time. This is why:

Before arriving at the jungle hospital, I had prayed for God to use this period to refine His calling for my life. Because of my love for O&G, I was excited to learn all about women's health and childcare in the rural setting. Medical school has given us 4 months from February till May to pursue whatever specialty we enjoy for exposure, and I decided to use my holidays as well (this period now) to learn about medicine in the setting of rural missions. Little did I realize that instead of sharpening my call in O&G, God did the one thing He does best, and pulled the carpet from under my feet.

I had a love-hate relationship with Ophthalomology. I like the subject very much but I'll never do it, God. Because of my many fears, I determined in my heart that I would never pursue it. It's too technology-intensive to be of any use in the rural setting anyway-I made excuses.

After seeing one eye operation after another in the rural community here, seeing how incredibly versatile and portable eye surgery can be, and travelling to the village with Dr. Steve's team, however, my eyes were unveiled.

Dr. Steve gave up a life of luxury and a lucrative 12-year practice in USA for a life of simplicity in a Kalimantan jungle to serve the poor, uprooting his family and travelling to villages to restore sight to the blind.

His life helped me to see how it is not external temptations visible to the eye, but the invisible, inner sanctity we guard which determine the kind of life we can lead to serve others.

What an uncanny coincidence it was for me to meet Dr Edy too, an ophthalmologist and Dr. Steve's partner, who was well known in the mission hospital for his obstetric skills too. "As a doctor in the mission field setting, you can most certainly be involved in a wide variety of fields. As an ophthalmologist, you can still deliver babies. But as an obstetrician, I don't think you might ever do eye surgery. It's a very specialised skill."

Suddenly, I was filled with that familiar longing to get my hands on a scalpel to heal a blind eye. I saw very clearly how one doesn't need to be an obstetrician to do simple deliveries or uncomplicated Caesearean sections- it is a basic requirement in many mission hospitals.

I remembered the Ophthalmology attachment I had cancelled off my list, remembered a comment someone had once posted here questioning why I didn't think Ophthalmology was useful to the poor, remembered how many people had told me not to narrow my options so soon, and regret started to well up within me. A melancholic, lost feeling came over me.

Had I been too rash to forgo my attachment in Ophthalmology, God? It's a pity I'm too late. This is too competitive a field, and without an attachment, the chances of me entering the specialty in future may just be too slim.

I wanted to turn back time.

That night, I couldn't sleep till 2am, and awoke at 4am with a heavy spirit. All I could think about was the mistake I had made, how I was now too late, and how I had given up, too soon, an option which was so incredibly useful to the poor. How blind I was, I thought.

A friend travelling with me commented that I needn't worry, that God would put me in Ophthalmology if He really wanted to, anyway. That night, however, a story on this prayer site I visit every night, entitled Prayer Plus Action, stirred my spirit within me. It talked about how even as we pray, we need to take action, too. God won't move the mountain if we sit around like couch potatoes. Are you telling me something, God? Something niggled at me.

The next day in the car, as we drove up to the village clinic, Dr Steve shared a piece of writing for the day, 20th January, from his prayer book. Almost as if it were freak coincidence, it was the story about God asking a blind man what he needed from Him. The story challenged us to think about why we need to learn how to pray specific prayers, even though God knows our every need.

Dr. Steve read:

Perhaps it is so that when the answer comes we will clearly see how His will differs from our own limited vision. Perhaps it is so we well remember, having voiced our request, to give thanks when it is granted. Perhaps the asking and receving witness to the world in a way that the presumption of providence would not. We wonder why God has not met a certain need. Our first step, often neglected, is to be specific. We must ask.

As we drove up the bumpy road filled with potholes, I closed my eyes and, to my amazement, began to pray silently and boldly for God to show me what He wanted me to do, and for an attachment in Ophthalmology. I prayed specifically, for the university to consider my last minute request for an amendment, and for an ophthalmology professor to take me in, even though I knew it was likely too late. Is that specific enough God?

The odds were against me. Applications had closed. Students applying for Ophthamology attachments apply months in advance to get a place. The only time I could make it for the attachment was in February, which is in less than 2 weeks. What chance did I have? Still, I prayed. What Dr Steve shared that morning and what I had read the previous night tugged hard at me. Almost foolishly, I emailed the university and a professor. Prayer Plus Action, I thought.

If anything happens, it'll have to be you, God. My friend tried to comfort me- Just because you don't do an attachment in the eye centre doesn't mean anything.

That afternoon when we got back from the eye camp at the village, I realised my roommate had locked me out. It was strange almost, for she'd always remembered to leave the key behind for me. Exasperated and tired, I went to the doctors' office, closed my eyes to pray, then turned my bible open to Hebrews 11:1-"Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." The word “seen” suddenly leaped out at me, and it almost felt as if God were speaking to me. Have faith, I felt a powerful force telling me. It seemed that for this whole season, this was the message God was teaching me.

Somehow, the little things which my eyes were opened to within the short time frame seemed a little too uncanny and jarring to be mere coincidence. I tried to brush it off, and thought to myself that I was paranoid, or thinking too much into things.

Just as I was reading through that chapter on Faith, the same friend called out to me, “Wai Jia, come out! Rainbow in the sky!”

I had goosebumps immediately. Right there, in front of me, was a half rainbow in the grey sky, right outside the doctors' office of the missions hospital.

I stood there for ages, speechless and in shock, till the beautiful arc faded away into the sunset.

Faith. Rainbow. In the bible, the rainbow represents God's promise.

My second book, entitled A Taste of Rainbow (hopefully to be published next year), begins with the quote on Faith on its first page (Hebrews 11:1). The day I had finished writing the first draft and showed it to a friend, there was a rainbow in the sky, right before us, too.

Suddenly at that moment, I felt a divine assurance that something greater than myself was at work, something I could not understand nor comprehend. That evening, after I saw the rainbow, I received an email from the staff at the university office saying they would "make an exception", just for me. Nonetheless, chances were slim that an eye doctor would take me in at such short and late notice.

Two days later in a village church during Sunday School, the bible scripture for the day read:

" I, God, have called you in righteousness, And will hold your hand.

I will keep you... as a light...
To open blind eyes, To bring our prisoners from the prison,
Those who sit in darkness from the prison house.

- Isaiah 42:6-7"

I remember feeling stunned, disturbed and amazed reading that. Another 'coincidence', maybe? When I shared what had happened with Dr Steve and his wife, they both, too, were shocked. No, we don't think what has happened is silly or mere coincidence at all. Please tell us how things go, it looks like God's really speaking something special to you. Pray, wait, and trust God completely.

Interestingly, I spoke to the lady directing the public health programme for women and children's health in the rural areas surrounding the hospital and was surprised to realise how she, too, thought Ophthalmology is a field full of potential to serve the needy, "because though the eye is very small, a person is paralysed, physically, emotionally and mentally when he is blind. When you do serve as an eye doctor, Wai Jia, remember to open their spiritual eyes, too."

A few days later at chapel in the hospital, someone sharing about the uncertainties of tomorrow reminded me of how we can only walk one step at a time, for we know not what the future holds. But surely, God knows best and we needn't worry. The needs in both eyecare and women's health among the poor are great, but surely God has a plan and will make clear my path when the time comes.

a baby whom I helped to insert a feeding tube into.

She's many weeks born premature,

and was sent to the witch doctor for a week before being sent to our hospital.

Days passed without news from the Eye Centre.

One evening, my friend asked me to watch the sunset with her. As we walked to the field, I saw another rainbow, very faintly, just above the hills behind the hospital. Somehow, a great peace called Faith descended over me. It was a naive faith.

That night, I received another email:

Dear Ms Tan,
I am pleased to inform you that Dr S, Consultant, has just confirmed

that he is able to accommodate you for an elective in February.

The Glaucoma team already has a few students with them, however,

they are happy to include you in the same glaucoma research study that you refer to below.

Please call me or email if you have any concerns.

I slumped back into my chair, quite stunned for the night. I didn't know how to react. All I knew was that through a series of little experiences, I learnt big lessons about the power of prayer and faith. It does seem like something to scoff at, doesn't it, but I learnt, that God speaks to different people through different means. I thought it was quite funny too, how it was an obstetrician who had recommended me to visit this mission hospital, and she who had advised me to "keep an open mind" with regards to my future.

I'm not saying I will be an Ophthalmologist. The truth is, nobody but God knows. All I know is that for now, I will keep an open mind, open heart, and open eyes- to whatever He might want to reveal my eyes to. My feet must follow where He guides me to, even to places I feared treading, to places I had not imagined myself going to. If God has called me to serve the poor, surely He will be faithful to see me through it.

With open eyes, I now see more clearly indeed, that rainbows and miracles and answered prayers don't just happen in stories, but truly, are very real indeed.

"Blessed is he who remembers the poor..."

-Psalm 41:1a

“Faith is the substance of things hoped for,

the evidence of things unseen.”

-Hebrews 11:1