Whether we choose to admit it or not, most of us are, to some extent, utilitarians. Presented with a choice to give our time, money or resources to a cause which benefits a large group of people, or to give them to one individual, most of us would choose the former. It is only under unique circumstances, such as a specific and deep love for the one person, which compels us to lay more down, go further, give till it hurts.
After the cochlear implant surgery, I asked Josephine, the missionary, "Why do you choose to go so far for Alisha?"
Josephine had flown in with Alisha and her mother from Nepal, made a few trips to the hospital for the surgery only to have been rejected because of Alisha's cough/rash, taken pains to raise an exorbidant amount of money- for a child who could not hear, but is just one out of the many heartwrenching cases she comes across in her everyday life in Nepal. After all, Josephine runs a social enterprise recruiting destitute women, each one having their own sad story about their families and children.
"I mean, has anyone asked you why you try so hard for this one child? I mean, forty thousand is a lot of money, and even after the operation, she'll have to wait for a month for the wound to heal to see if the implant works, and she'll have to come for regular therapy sessions to learn how to operate the implant and to gradually adapt to a world of sounds."
"Because I truly felt God put her in my path. And if she were my daughter, I would want to do my best for her. Sure, I could send her to a school for the deaf and mute, but I wouldn't do that for my daughter."
How far would you go for one person?
Perhaps the greatest lesson I learnt was that in all things, there will always be a reason to give and not to give. There will always be a reason to splurge on yourself, and not on someone else. But whatever little we can do, we must do if God tells us to, because we never know the impact it can make on someone else, never know what riches God will lavish on us because of it- riches of joy and compassion and love.
Sometimes, this requires sacrifice.
During a bible study session last week, we learnt how the social injustices and disparities of this world are traced to the source of irresponsible stewardship. That means some people are dirt-poor while others are filthy rich because to some extent, we have not been socially responsible with what we've been blessed with. I thought about my bike, then Alisha, and then knew that no matter how some my friends can justify my buying a bike for myself "because you can't save world, you know Wai Jia, there're just too many sob stories out there", I knew it was the right thing to do. Most importantly, it was what God wanted me to do.
I would be naive to think that my bike gave Alisha the gift of hearing. The fact is that- it didn't. If I didn't donate the money, someone else would have, in due time. But our giving gives not only someone else a gift, it gives us something too- something worth far more than gold or silver.
So I thank each and every one of you who saw me through the past week. After crying last Sunday, I simply made a decision to consciously learn Contentment. After avoiding my bike for weeks, I deliberately enrolled myself into my own form of "Cycling-Rehab", ha, where I've decided to return to my regular cycling regime and am determined to find joy in what I have.
Thank you to those of you who wrote me emails and transferred money to Alisha, even though the amounts might seem, in comparison to $40'000, small. The fact is, smallness is decided by human beings, but only God sees through our hearts and decides how big our sacrifice has been. And with that, He is pleased. You have touched me so much, not merely because I'm amazed that you would reach out to Alisha even though you know neither myself nor her, but because you were determined to make a difference in someone else's life. Some of you aren't even working yet.
Thank you to those of you who sent me emails to encourage me this week. It has been a crazy one rehearsing to be emcee for my classmates' fundraising event as they sail round the world for charity next year, visiting Alisha, and attending meetings. I just want to say that they made a big difference, and it gave me strength to go back to cycling and being content, because at one point, I wanted to forget about the whole thing and stop cycling altogether.
Just to share one email which reminded me how amazing God is to weave strangers together, when we open our hearts to one another:
Dear Ms Wai Jia,
I read your recent essay on Alisha and would like to donate some money for her hospital expenses. I was wondering how I could go about this? Btw, I was wondering if I could wire a small sum to you as well to help with Grandpa Zhou's medical expenses. Is that alright?
I discovered your blog when I was googling this homeless travelling japanese poet/writer which I encounter at the national library, whose name I cannot recall now, and whom you had previously encountered and wrote about. It was a pleasant surprise to find the author of the blog to be one and the same as that of this little inspiring book (Kitesong) that my boss, prof Koh, had given to me for christmas. I've been following you ever since.
D
What a way to answer my prayer, God. For just last week, Grandpa Zhou and I prayed together for God to send an angel to help us with his medical expenses. And just in case you thought D was a hotshot banker, he's just a simple army boy with a heart of gold. And you've never even met me before.
So thank you D, thank you Normz, thank you to each of you for your kindness. And thank you J, for encouraging me to keep cycling even though I was depressed and finding excuses not to touch my bike, for your text messages of encouragement, for running and cycling with me because I hate to exercise alone, for coming especially to my place just to drop off a slice of cake from Bakerzin (you even remembered I briefly mentioned to you before I used to like that place), and to pass me a note which really touched my heart, because I think you really understood how much this whole incident hurt me and much I grew because of it. You may not believe in God, but I thank Him for sending me an angel like you.
As far as I went for Alisha, thank you for going that far for me too.
Yup, no more tears. We're going to ride like we used to.
" If there is among you a poor man... within any of the gates of your land which God is giving you, you shall not harden your heart not shut your hand from him, but you shall open your hand wide to him and willingly lend him sufficient for his need, whatever he needs...
You shall surely give to him,
and your heart should not be grieved when you give to him,
because for this thing God will bless you in all your works and in all to which you put your hand.
For the poor will never cease from your land;
therefore you shall open your hand wide to your brother,
to your poor and your needy,
in your land."
- Deuteronomy 15: 7-11
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