Sports. It has the potential to build character, foster honesty, leadership, loyalty, camaraderie, responsibility and teamplay. It requires concentration of will, energy of soul and exuberance of spirit.
It is a beautiful endeavour to many: The artist in me is enraptured by that guileless, inexorable flight of one's feet, for the rawness, unpretentiousness and simplicity of running shall always captivate me; The child inside of me bursts with exuberance at the speed of which a bike can take me. Because of previous bad accidents and fear, I never cycled on 2 wheels till I was twenty-one. Cycling released me, took me to places my feet could not; Yet the poet in me, enthralled by the elegance of one's body slicing through water, the way words can pierce the flesh like a sword, is frustrated by my inability to swim like a fish. The poet is frustrated by unfluency. And so the past 2 weeks have been a great joy, having people coach me on the art of gliding through water and luxuriating in the beauty of swimming freestyle.
Is it not the ability of games and races to bring out that indefatigability of the human spirit which captivates so many of us? Is it not that sense of awestruck wonder at the beauty of the ability of the human body which brings some of us to a place of transcendence, closer to God? Watching people run touches a place deep inside me nothing else can. And though I am not a sportsperson (and will never be), being able to be a participant does give me a taste of heaven.
Yet, as with all things in our fallen world, there, too, is a dark side to this glorious painting. I know less than a handful of athletes who have not made their own bodies their gods, allowing themselves to be consumed by timings, distance and positions. For many of us, what started as a pure pursuit of character became a headlong pursuit of individual glory, a ceaseless mindless striving, a puffing up of the ego- all charmingly guised under the name of the spirit of excellence which stands as a cult of its own kind. At one point, I stood guilty too.
I am learning, that as with any gift, God gives to us various talents to steward and develop in loving service to God and His people. That means being willing to teach, slow down or humble ourselves in the presence of others even when we can go faster and swifter. It means looking at sports, our bodies and our wills from a humble, thankful perspective and acknowledging God as the Giver of all gifts. It means knowing the call of our lives, and seeing sports merely as a way to take care of our bodies to carry out God's will for us.
I am learning, that the gifts we receive, like our bodies, are instruments for a full and zealously-led human life and not the end in itself. That it is the process which the gift takes us through and the lessons we learn along the way which matter, that we must not allow ourselves to be consumed with reaching the end point. That we can allow sports to shape as well as destroy us.That when we worship the gift at the expense of our relationships with others or our own humility, we build a cult named after very selves.
I had to stop my sporting pursuits for a while because I knew God was telling me so. It was an excruciating decision, not least because I was in the midst of training for a race. For who but God knows the intents of our hearts, and sees in grief the seeds of pride, greed and self-striving take root. And looking back, I understand why God did so- my grandmother passed away during the training period of the race-and I would not have spent as much time as I did with her had I decided to train instead.Yet over the past few months, I am learning just how much joy and freedom God longs to give to us, if only we would approach His gifts with humility and gratitude, and live with discernment and wisdom, self-control and grace. Depending on the motives of our hearts, gifts can be both potential snares or sources of nourishment, potential prisons or sources of liberation. The more I let go and returned sports back to its proper place in life, the more joy and freedom I was blessed with.
The less I strived with my own ability, the more I gained. For the rewards came from heaven, and not from my own hands, or legs for that matter.
And so over church camp, what a great surprise I received when I felt the chains of bondage break and received the freedom to enjoy sports for what it really is. For when we choose not to displace God with our gifts, we can finally delight in God's company, in one another and in the play itself.
I have some wonderful news to share- I can race again. When I surrendered to God, let go of my own idols and lay down my pride, He gave me the joy, freedom and peace to do so again. I met Fungus who roped me in as a volunteer biking "escort" to shadow some handcyclists taking part in the bike leg of a triathlon. They will be having a record number of handcyclists taking part in a single race, in their efforts to raise awareness for their cause to empower people who've suffered from spinal cord injuries, polio, myositis etc.
God's given me the desires of my heart (to take part in race) while teaching me humility (because I'm not a participant but volunteering for a cause). Funny how God brings us on a journey, only to bring us back full circle when we let Him deal with our characters. All at once, I found meaning, purpose, joy and friendship rolled all into one. So at church today, tears streamed down my cheeks as I understood the goodness and generosity, discipline and chastening of God's deep, deep love for us.
When we surrender and let go, He gives back doubly. How awesome it is to ride on His chariot of fire than to ride on our own two legs.
Ah, what Incredible freedom.
"Behold, the kingdom of God is within you.
If with all your heart you truly seek Him to find Him and count yourself to the love of Christ,
that is how you shall run the straight race."
from Chariots of Fire
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